Miss Stephanie's Miscellaneous Musings

UPDATE

2009-03-07T21:20:00.003-06:00

I know that few pass by here these days (including me), but I just had to stop in and update everyone on the exciting new events taking place in my life...

I'M GETTING MARRIED!!

Yes, that's right! About ten days after I posted my last entry, I bumped into the man who would soon become my future Mr.!

To sum it all up, God has truly blessed me more than words could ever say; and despite the fact that I was apprehensive and VERY scared in the beginning, God knew what He was doing. It's been amazing to watch His perfect design for my life unfold before my very eyes, and before me now, stands quite possibly the most wonderful, patient, kind, gentle, supportive, humble, giving, selfless man there ever was. And I get to keep him!! Everyday, I fall a little deeper in love with him than the day before, and in roughly a month - I'M GOING TO BE HIS WIFE!!!

I hope you are all doing well, and have wonderful stories to tell of God's blessings on your lives as well!

Lovingly in Him,

~Stephanie

Update

2008-06-10T09:35:00.004-05:00

God is good, friends. He truly is. This time off of ministry has been a tough road for me to walk: it really feels like a swift kick in the gut when you have to take a step down from the very thing you are called to do. Kind of seems like an oxymoron when you think about it: but the difference is, that it's only for a time - it's not forever. But yet, in the midst of the tears, the broken heart, the grief over said temporary loss: it feels like forever. It really does!

But God is so amazing, that he takes that grief, and He turns our mourning into dancing. He sets our feet on a solid rock, and He bestows upon us a "garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair". So: ironically enough - even as I grieve over having to give up my position of "public praise" for a time, He promises that in that grief He is going to replace that dispair with a spirit of praise - the very thing I felt like I lost. But the difference is: He wants that praise for Himself.

What a concept!

I guess looking back, I grew up as a Christian in the worship ministry: I never put much thought into the fact that perhaps I wasn't praising Him enough when it was just He and I. I had become so used to being a worship leader: leading others into the presence of The Almighty and pouring my praises out to him in front of hundreds of people every week, that I missed a very crucial part of the equation. Before I can fully operate in that annointing and move into the plan that He has for me in full-time ministry, I have to make it solely about Him.

I know many of you are probably wondering how this has just become an epiphany to me now after four years of being in the ministry. Well, let me just say, that some people are just slow learners. Okay well, maybe that's just a little harsh: but I've always been one to have to learn the "hard way" so to speak. Not that I even do it on purpose because I just like getting my face rubbed in the gravel! No no! But it just seems to work out that way. However, as I get older, and the lessons get tougher, I find that it is wisdom to listen to those around you who know a thing or two about a thing or two: and that includes, if not exclusively personifies God in His entirety in terms of what His role should be in my life. But you know, sometimes we don't realize that we need to give Him that place in our lives until all we have is Him.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy. No sir! But I am looking forward to exploring a life of trying everyday to please Him and Him alone. So in addition to my quiet time and digging into the Word, it also means taking time each day to worship him: to offer up my heart, my voice, and even my mediocre guitar and piano playing abilities to Him. I know that He's desiring that I use this time to the absolute full by pursuing Him and His call on my life with everything I have in me. Truthfully though, He wants that of all of us at all times: however, sometimes He has to bring us to the very end of ourselves before we realize how badly we actually need Him.

And boy, do I need Him.

Oh, Blessed Answered Prayer

2008-05-19T16:21:00.006-05:00

So in the midst of all my turmoil and pain, I find comfort - not only from God Himself reaching down to touch my heart and my life through His Word, His comfort, and His peace: but through a very specific answered prayer. Allow me to explain.

A couple of weeks ago, I had had about all I could take in terms of everything I was going through. I was a flat-out mess, and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel - this misery was far too much for me to take: and suddenly, the fight or flight response kicked into HIGH gear. Suffice it to say, I was struck down with a terrible case of the "get-up-and-go's", and I was determined to go anywhere but here.

So I began the tedious (yet slightly exhilarating process for those of us bit by the travel bug) of looking up airfare to literally - anywhere but here. I wanted to take a last minute trip to Jamaica to see the friends I've neglected for a year and a half - only to realize that my passport would be expiring in a week. Next, I moved onto the Dallas Fort Worth area, hoping to reach a couple of the people I knew down there. No dice. Then I moved on to Arizona, where I have some family whom I haven't seen in EONS. I settled on that destination, only to realize that airfare was skyrocketing every day the closer I got to my desired departure date. So what do I do? The same thing any rational adult would do: I stomped my feet! And I got frustrated. and I said to God, "Okay. I guess I have to leave even this in Your hands. So if it's Your will for me to get out of here (please! please! let it be Your will!), then You will make it happen..."

And that was it. I took my hands off.

The very next day, I get a phone call from my aunt: "I just came into quite a large sum of money - and I really miss you! Can I fly you down here in a couple of weeks?"

Uh, YEAH!

I would get into all the details - the ridiculous deals we found, the ridiculously nice resort I'm staying at, all the little ins and outs of this trip that make it so apparent that God wanted to bless me (for some reason I'm still not understanding - my obedience in the fire? Eh. Maybe I'll never know) but I won't bore you with all that. I'm just thankful that the Good Lord is giving me time to do just what He called me to do in all of this - REST. So I'll be enjoying some much needed R&R in the valley of sun, poolside, under a palm tree (or ten), Bible in one hand, and a virgin pina colada in the other.

Now that's what I call rest!

God is Good!

Ready... Set... Rest!

2008-05-05T14:40:00.010-05:00

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength" (Isaiah 30:15).

I know I ended my last post with this verse, but I think it bears repeating.

I've always had a hard time resting. No, I take that back. When I was younger, all I did was rest. I would be categorized as what some would affectionately call, a "lazy sluggard". I don't know where it came from, or why it was so ingrained deep down inside me, but I was the biggest procrastinator on the face of the planet: and I guess in some respects, I still am - a procrastinator, I mean. Not lazy. I'm anything BUT lazy these days. In fact, as an adult, I can barely sit still. I already feel sorry for the man who lands me, because I can't even sit still through one two hour movie without finding a reason to have to pause it, and get up to a.) make popcorn, b.) check my email c.) run to the bathroom and then check my email or d.), or e.)... etc. You get the point. I'm as "restless" as they come - which is why I almost laughed right out loud a number of different times over the last week or so: when God gave me the aforementioned scripture along with an entire sermon last week Sunday about "rest", and began speaking to me over and over and over about... you guessed it! Rest.

In the midst of my struggle, in the midst of my pain, in the midst of this "thing" that's still an enigma to me: this thing that has literally rocked my world and turned it upside down - God is speaking rest. Rest. It is here that I began to fear the worst. "He's going to make me rest, isn't He?" I've seen SO many people called right out of the very thing they've been undoubtedly called to, so that God can spend some time working on thier hearts: refining and even refueling them so as to make them rock-solid, stead-fast, and fully equipped for the ministry - for the very work that lies ahead of them.

I always prayed that it would never happen to me.

I love what I do so much, that I would sacrifice life and limb to keep doing it. (Figuratively speaking, of course: can't very much have a half-dead, limbless creature up on the platform attempting to lead worship every week - well, I suppose you could, but... well... okay... shut up Stephanie.) Anyway, my point is this: I. am. called. This much I know. My involvement in the fine arts ministry has been a time of pruning, shaping, restructuring, learning, training, etc... I could go on and on. God has shaped me and molded me into a new creature inside and out while I've been up there, so much so, you wouldn't recognize me now if you hadn't seen me in four years. Not even a little: and I'm not talking just the physical, but my very countenance has changed, the way I present myself, the way I speak... everything. It's all different. And I know that part of that just comes from growing up - but I give all the glory to God here: because I would have "grown up" to be a MUCH different woman if it weren't for Him.

But quite obviously, He has more work to do.

So, that being said, I'm beginning to realize (not only due to my own circumstances, but also by sheer observation of those around me who are also called) that while God will and does "grow us up" in the ministry, He will also likely call us out for a time. I have seen it over and over again: He wants to use you, and He has! But now's the time for "spiritual boot camp". God means business, and if He's going to use you mightily to advance His Kingdom, and powerfully impact countless lives through you wherever He takes you, He's going to make for darn sure that you're ready: that you're spiritually, mentally, and emotionally ready and girded up to take on the call that He's placed on your life. Sounds like a pretty big deal when we put it that way, doesn't it? That's because it is a big deal!!! Think about it: you're in the ministry, you're rearin' to go, you're on FIRE, and then it happens: the enemy attacks in full force, and suddenly, you're face first in the concrete - road rash and all - picking gravel out of your teeth, wondering what the heck just happened. (And trust me: it really is just like that too.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it really should have come as no surprise to me then, that God recently called me right out of the only thing apart from Him that gives me abundant joy. You guessed it: no singing for me - for at least six months. OUCH. For those of you who know me even a little bit, you know the gravity of this call. I'm still trying to process this: it's just kind of not computing. But that's okay. I'm sure God doesn't expect me to understand it all right away. Just like everything else in life, this too will take time for me to adjust and adapt to. But I've seen with my own eyes God's swift and abundant blessings take place when a person is obedient to Him - God honors obedience (I'll be sharing with you a very cool story in my next posting about blessings in obedience): so I can either go out kicking and screaming, or I can step down gracefully in humility, and let God get busy with my heart.

I choose Him.

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength" (Isaiah 30:15).

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him..." (Psalm 37:7).

"Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).

Oh The Irony of it All

2008-04-30T15:02:00.007-05:00

I've been parousing around blogland momentarily for the first time in awhile, and I have to marvel at the sheer genius of it all: God is up to something. I've felt it for awhile, deep down inside me somewhere... this still, small voice that seemed to be saying, "choose ME or choose death...". I would look around myself and see fellow believers being brought to these defining crossroads in thier lives where they would be forced to choose to lay down thier lives and follow God with everything they had in them, or walk away from Him: enduring the struggle, and potentially losing it all. It's as if God is calling out His faithful ones to an even higher place of committment and righteousness: all to prepare us - to ready us for the battle ahead.

So I would look at these people, in the midst of thier dark struggles and wonder how they could ever choose the struggle over the peace of God - how they even saw that they had a choice: "don't you know how good you had it with Him?! What in the world would posess you to walk in uncertainty, doubt, shame, worry, unecessary pain, regret, etc... over what you had right in front of you?" I would stand on my little "God pedastal" that I had put myself on, looking down on all those in the valley, just knowing that I would never be in that place: I would just never allow it!

What I didn't realize, is that sometimes, we don't willingly choose sin - sin chooses us. The enemy is a cunning, crafty, horrible beast that knows our every weakness: studying us from birth, and laying out his well-laid plans to trip us up at just the right time to take us out (or attempt to take us out anyway) - in hopes to flat-line us and make us completely unuseable for the Kingdom. Read on (an excerpt from a Joyce Meyers Battlefield of the Mind devotional):

"Satan has well-laid out plans to hinder/stop us from having the life that God has promised us. Unlike some of us, the devil is "well" organized. He operates with a strategy in mind. Don't think that this strategy is something new. As long as we have been on this earth the devil has been planning how he will get us to abort the things that God has ordained for us. The devil knows that he alone can not abort the plans for our lives. He realizes that we must be a partaker. This is where the plot thickens; he has to have our cooperation. The devil is patient. He has studied us and it's sad to say, but some times it appears that he knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows what we like, what we don't like, and what makes the hair stand up on the back of our necks. He is just waiting for the right time and it's on!"

So suffice it to say, I just couldn't believe it when I found myself standing at ground zero surveying the damage (yet again), wondering how in the world I got there. Suddenly, the black veil was lifted from my eyes, and I was standing on a pile of rubble. "What in the world?! But I love Jesus!! What happened here?!?!"

The enemy happened. I realized once God got a hold of me and shook the sin right out me, that while I was confident in my love for Him and my devotion to Him, that I hadn't quite "girded myself up" for the red-hot arrows of the enemy. I hadn't fully put on the armor of God yet: and that while I've been "cleaned up" so to speak, that I hadn't learned how to take cover when the enemy attacks. Read on:

The Armour of God

"10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armour of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled round your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints" (Ephesians 6:10-18).

During this time, I have found that the only peace, the only rest, the only comfort, and the only real joy I have is in the Word of God. Ironically, nothing is out of line as it stands: in fact, everything is as it should be - in obedience, God is restoring all. But spiritually, my only sustenance has been in the Word: and I'm realizing just now, as a 4 year-old committed Christian, called to full-time ministry, that the Word is the only answer. I used to question how God could speak to all of our situations through His Word: our questions, hurts, bondages, pains, even our joys and victories - but He can, and he does!! What an awesome God we have, that He would give us such a tangible gift - a manual for life right at our fingertips: and yet, how terribly sad that so many of us take advantage of it - that we let those answers sit on the shelf and choose the 10 year plan instead of the two year plan, when all we had to do is ask Him and seek His Truth right in His Word.

I'm thankful for the lessons I'm learning in this, and the strength and wisdom I'm gainging through this time. My prayer is that God would begin to "gird me up": that He would strengthen me from the inside out so that the next time the enemy attacks, that I would be ready; that I would be fearless, that I would be ready and willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to stay on the path He has me on, to do the right thing, and most of all, to please the Father.

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength" (Isaiah 30:15).

"Let the redeemed of the LORD say this - those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and south. Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle. They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away. Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men..." (Psalm 107:2-8).

"I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you" (Isaiah 44:22).

"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one" (2 Thessalonians 3:3).

Hello All!

2008-01-07T14:02:00.000-06:00

It would seem that I have become THAT blogger. You know the one: they tempt you with empty promises of new and exciting posts once every 3 months or so, but never ACTUALLY deliver. I'm really not a fan of being THAT blogger: because quite honestly, I miss you all! I really do! And you were all SO supportive during my time in Jamaica - especially the time leading up to it, that I would never want you to think I have forgotten you: because you didn't forget me! I hope and pray that you all are well, and would be ecstatic if you drop me a line (as you trickle in over the next month lol) and let me know how you are. I'd LOVE to hear from you!

God Bless You All!!

~Stephanie

Oh, The Days When I "Mused"...

2007-09-09T20:58:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, you all had a friend. Her name was Stephanie. Stephanie was a spontaneous, adventurous, soul-seeking type: a singer with an unquenchable desire for God and the limitless worship of said God, having launched herself on the never-ending quest for life, love, and the pursuit of the Almighty.

"WHERE DID SHE GO," you may have asked yourselves, once, twice, or maybe never.

I'd be willing to bet that at one time or another you all thought that you would never see anything come out of this blog again.

Well, dust the cobwebs off of your seats, ladies and gentlemen, because you're in for the ride of your lives!!!

Okay... well... not really. But I do have quite a few stories to share. Life has in fact been somewhat of a ride for me lately. I know, I know, how can it possibly be any more crazy than the last ride I just went on? (For you more loyal readers, you know what I'm talking about.) But trust me: something that I've learned over the past few months is this: just when we think we've arrived - spiritually - just when we think we've hit the highest high, and that it can't possibly get any better than this... God proves us wrong.

Now, I'm certainly not saying that every moment of my life in the last nine-or-so months have been a fairy-tale. And no, I'm not married... there's not even a man in the picture, friends - STAY FOCUSED!! What I'm talking about is the constant journey, the constant learning process that God has us in. He wants relationship with us, and in order for Him to do that - in order for Him to use us - He must teach us first. We need to learn, to a.) know Him and love Him more, and more, and more: always striving for higher heights with Him. And b.) to become equipped to do His work. Whatever work it is He'll have us accomplish for Him while we're here on this earth.

I truly love the idea of helping to advance the Kingdom of God. I can't say that I'm always very good at it. Many times, we have our own agendas, and they can tend to get in the way in a very messy fashion. But again, in order to do that, in order see His desires for this life - for our lives - above and beyond our own agendas is nothing short of... heh... well, let's face it... a miracle from above. But that's what I'm saying. It's a learning curve. It's a process.

I don't know how many of you out there believe in prophecy or gifts of the spirit... well... I do. Most days. Call me a fundamentalist, call me what you will, but some of my story includes use of, impartation of, the aforementioned gifts, which actually prove rather critical to certain aspects and outcomes of my journey. Now. I know I may have just lost some of my readership. That's okay. My blog. My story. But perhaps, (if I didn't just scare you off two-fold with my abruptness), maybe just maybe you might find it in your hearts to see me through to the present-day "Anie", to see what all the fuss is about. It's all intertwined! Really! There's so much that has gone on... but truly... it's all been a part of God's agenda: a means by which to teach me, disciple me, and ready me for something... greater.

However, just to make it fair, considering I just realized that I haven't really given you all a choice as to whether or not you get to experience the "Jamaica 2006" saga from start to finish, I'll give you all a choice. I can start at day 3, and just plow through (including weekends), until I finish, OR, we can put it off, I can share more current, up-to-date life stories, and get back to Jamaica whenever we get around to it. So... knowing that I have about 3 regulars who check back like, once a month to see if I'm still breathing, I'll leave it up to you guys to decide what the topic of discussion will be for the time being.

So! With all that being said... I have missed you all dearly, and can't wait to start browsing your blogs and catching up on your lives!

Much Love,

Stephanie/Phoebe/Anie

Day 2 of the Jamaica 2006 Review!

2007-01-16T15:58:00.000-06:00

Day Two:

What adjustments I've had to make! Life is SO different down here: we Americans take MANY things for granted in our lives - only day two and I'm saying that - YIKES!

But really: when I said yesterday that we had to "cozy up" our little abode, what I should have said was, "we had to rid cabinets of lizard poop, wipe EVERYTHING down, and settle in around our lovely walls adorned with dried up, mashed roach guts. Ahhh, Jamaica. :)

Don't get me wrong though, the place IS gorgeous, and the people are amazing: but when you have to chase three-inch grasshoppers and lizards around your house, well, let's just say one learns to quickly appreciate what they have back home.

Today was great, but exhausting. It was the first day of school for the semester for the kids, and our first day as teacher's aids (Cheryl and me). The kids of course, had to test thier boundaries with us as the new people, so that became a little exhausting having to discipline and chase children around all day long. (I said "exhausting" twice in two sentences - I AM tired!) But we really only had a half day today, as Cheryl and I spent the early afternoon with Mrs. Missionary to have an orientation time of sorts on the veranda at her house. The view from her house: simply BREATHTAKING!! You can see most of the mountain range, the city, AND the ocean from thier house - gorgeous! As we sat there, a storm system moved through, and it absolutely POURED! Tropical rains are heavy and fast - and beautiful too!

We took an hour break to get some R&R, and then headed down to help the kids with homework and hang out with them for awhile. We met with the missionaries briefly, and later went to the older girls' house for devotions.

My favorite thing above all else so far, is how God is just infused in EVERYTHING here! Prayers before school, prayers before breaks, prayers at EVERY meal: prayers at bedtime, along with devotions, services at LEAST twice a week, and prayer meetings. LOVE IT!! The cool thing is, that the kids love it too: they especially love worship - God really IS everywhere here!

Speaking of which, it's time for me to read my Bible before I get too tired to even keep my eyes open: it's only 8:30pm, and I'm already in bed - face washed, teeth brushed. Didn't I say I was EXHAUSTED?!

"Jamaica Review 2006": Day 1

2007-01-12T02:21:00.000-06:00

Well folks, as promised, the first edition of MANY of the already-popular and sought-after "Jamaican Review 2006 Chronicals".

Okay, okay... so it's not all that popular, nor is it so much sought-after at this point, but it IS somewhat exciting, and will only increase in excitement as time goes by. So, for those of you who were wondering what the heck I was doing in the tropics for all that time: well, strap on your seatbelts, baby, cause you're in for a wild ride! And for those of you who weren't wondering: well... too bad. Read it anyway. ;)

So, without further adeiu:

************************************

Chapter 1

Day 1:

After a hard goodbye with mom, I headed out from Chicago to Miami, to be connected from there to Kingston, Jamaica. There was a bit of a mix-up, however, at the ticket counter in Chicago, because they apparently tried to send me to San Salvador, Honduras! (Don't ask me how it took me almost an hour of sitting in a terminal, surrounded by a bunch of Latino-looking folks to figure that one out...) But I was too smart for them! (Riiiight...) So, I eventually found my correct gate, and shortly thereafter, I landed in Kingston - the epitome of all that is hot and humid in the world.

The missionaries' son, John (name changed to protect the innocent), met me at the Kingston airport, where we proceeded to wait for a couple of HOURS for Cheryl (my soon-to-be-roommate) - (name changed to protect the innocent) to fly in. In the meantime, I was able to people watch (WHOA!!!), listen to them talk (I just LOVE the accent!), and I read the Jamaican "STAR" - VERY interesting take on world news!!

Once Cheryl arrived (very nice girl - she's a missionary kid who was raised in Africa), we then headed out to meet the missionaries for dinner at a mall in Kingston.

My favorite N., was there with them (one of the kids I had met from my previous trip to the home - she is SO sweet!), and I was just so happy to see her! After dinner, she came shopping with us while the missionaries went to a meeting in town.

We eventually made our way up the mountain, and I just drank in the scenery around me - God's creation is just BREATHTAKING!!!

Once we reached the home, we unloaded, took a quick tour of the facility, and said hi to the kids, and then the rest of the evening was our to use to settle in, unpack, and make our humble little abode cozy for ourselves for the next three months.

Sleep....

My Recent Absence...

2007-01-11T08:49:00.000-06:00

I appologize to all my dedicated readers (all three of you haha!), for my recent extended absence. I guess I have no real good reason to excuse my recent blogging behavior, however, I am committed to making it up to you!

So, starting THIS evening, Thursday, January 11th, 2007, I will begin what I would like to call, "The Jamaica 2006 Review", in which I will go back in time to my very first journal entry, beginning September 4, 2006, and document daily (from Monday to Friday) each individual entry up until December 2nd, 2006, when I returned home. This will give you, my readers, an opportunity to get right in there with me, and almost experience, firsthand, what it would have been like to be in my shoes.

Now granted, be not disappointed if here and there, my entries are simply not fantastic or overly detailed: some days were just not that exciting! But I can guarantee you that you will see triumph, failure, personal victory and growth, all tossed together with a little humor to boot!

So keep your eyes peeled for my first edition of "The Jamaica 2006 Review": you WON'T be disappointed!

P.S.: I miss you all!!

I'm Back!!!

2006-12-08T10:25:00.000-06:00

Well, it's official: your friend who you all thought had fallen off the face of the planet is officially back home, armed with many pictures and tales to share about her stay in the Caribbean. I would like to first and foremost, thank you all for the prayers, emails, and words of encouragement while I was away. There's something very calming about knowing that many people, many who you know, and many who you don't, who are covering you in prayer while you're serving in a foreign country.

Many of you asked for details, a couple of you asked for specifics: what were my best and worst experiences while I was gone? Eventually I will share everything I can, but first I would like to give you yet another visual with pictures. Trust me... the stories will come. But as it was before, I need to process things a little bit and settle in here first before I can really get into detail with you about what I experienced.

There is just something breathtaking about this country. Through all the wickedness and poverty, God still shows His face: especially at dusk.

My old roommate and I with our kindergarten class. Aren't they precious?

If I had one wish in the world, it would have been to take these three boys home with me. I'm sponsoring two of them: the oldest and the youngest. The little one, M., was my baby while I was there: and still is. He was attatched to my hip from beginning to end, and I was just as equally attatched to him. I taught him eskimo and butterfly kisses, and he taught me what the love of a mother for her child must truly feel like. I miss my baby.

This girl, H., is one of my two adopted little sisters. At 13, she is warm, sweet, compassionate, BEAUTIFUL, funny, and so very special to my heart. God really blessed me by putting her in my life, and I hope to continue to be a blessing to her as time goes by.

As the days pass, and my time in Jamaica seems farther and farther away from me, one word describes what I'm feeling about being away from my second home: numb. I feel like I've been walking around like a zombie for the past five days: robotically doing what I have to do - finding a job, going to Christmas musical practice, etc... but not REALLY comprehending that I'm not "home" with my kids and my new friends. I made bonds and friendships down in Jamaica that can never be replaced or forgotten, and it's almost surreal having to come to grips with the fact that none of those people are right here with me anymore. All of it is just really hard to swallow. On top of which, it's just difficult having to readjust to this culture. Truthfully, I've felt guitly for driving my nice car, sleeping in my squishy bed, and just generally living in my nice apartment - all things that most, if not ALL of my friends back in Jamaica have no clue about. I often wonder: who am I, that I get to have all of these nice things, when some people back home have to WALK part ways up the mountain, just to get to work everyday?

An experience like this truly changes one's perspective, that's for sure. And until I really settle in here and figure out exactly how this experience has affected me, I suppose I'll continue to feel this way. Call it culture shock, re-entry shock... call it what you will. But I say that it's God working in me to change my perspective: to give me a greater appreciation for what I have here at home, and most importantly: to give me a greater compassion than I already had, for those who aren't as priveledged as we are here in the States. Maybe I am called to missions. Only God knows that answer, and in due time, He will tell. But in the meantime, I will continue to long for my second home, and pray for those who have impacted my life in such a tremendous way.

I miss Jamaica and all the people I have grown to love there with all my heart and soul: but I know I have obligations and things to take care of back here for now. I am glad to be home in a sense... but my soul will always weep for my mountain... and for my kids.

More of Jamaica Pt. 2

2006-10-18T18:25:00.000-05:00

A continuation from my last post. These next two pics are still from our National Heritage Week Celebration...

This is the grades 1-3 teacher. She's new this semester, and she's amazing with the kids. She's only 22 years old, and she's already been teaching for four years, can you believe it? But she's wonderful with the kids, and they absolutely love her - the home has been really blessed by her this term!

Some of the farm (coffee workers) got together and did a couple of songs for us. The one at the mic, K., is the grounds maintainence guy: BIG trouble, but he's good for a laugh and definitely keeps me entertained!

My sweet little boy - this guy is TOO cute for words. This picture doesn't even come close to doing him justice - every time that boy smiles, he just lights up a room! He was VERY proud of his craft on this particular day!!

This is one of the three brothers that I want to take home (I WISH!!!). I LOVE this boy - he is SO smart, and kind - spirited: I don't know if I've EVER met another child like him in my whole life.

This is the youngest of the three brothers, who will stop at nothing to be in my arms at every possible second of the day. I love this little boy so much that it almost takes my breath away: can you see why? Isn't he PRECIOUS?!!!

As always: thank you for your prayers, they're really really working! And I promise to post more for your viewing pleasure as soon as they become available!

More of Jamaica

2006-10-13T14:32:00.000-05:00

The sky looked like it was on fire!

This is an actual water tank for a local community here in the mountains. We all just couldn't believe it. So we took pictures. Would YOU want your drinking water from that source? Eeew!

This one's permanantly attatched to my hip. Isn't she the sweetest thing?!

House mom for the older girls, and a couple of her "ladies", having fun, dancing to some Jamaican worship.

The Beach at St. Thomas.

The boys performing for National Heritage week: "Daaaa - O! Me seh Daaaaa-eee-O! Day da' light an' me' wan' go oooome!"

Greetings From Jamaica! Pt. 2

2006-09-25T19:48:00.000-05:00

So I know I haven't written in what possibly could be AGES, but I'm sure (at least I'm hoping) that you all have forgiven me, considering what I've been up to lately. And for those of you who are on my mailing list, you have recieved your weekly updates, and have been kept abreast of my adventures since I arrived here - so you shouldn't be TOO mad at me!

For those of you who aren't on my mailing list, please feel free to email me your address, and I'll add you, OR, you can wait for the day to day journal entries that will begin once I return home.

For now, I thought I'd give you a bit of a visual in terms of what I've been experiencing here in Jamaica:

The view from my front porch.

My roommate. She's sweet.

A cool cloud formation after a storm: also a view from my front porch.

Port Royal: home of "Pirates of the Caribbean" - the real thing. These are the original cannons from the 1700's, still pointing out to sea, when the pirates were basically running the Caribbean Sea.

The girls had a little Christian/Reggae dance party at the missionaries house (which is only a flight of stairs down the complex from where they live.)

One of our boys was in the hospital last week: a few of us went to go see him. As you can see, his pneumonia was subsiding by this point. :)

Doesn't he just have the cutest smile in the world?

...Or maybe this one does. This little guy just asked me yesterday to "be his mommy for forever". Can you even stand it?! He is SO sweet...

A sunset from the property. Overlooking the not-so-glamorous Kingston.

So there you have it! So much has been going on lately, but it's waaaay too much to tell all in one post. But please remember that I greatly appreciate your prayers, and I hope to hear from you in comments and emails! I miss you all!!

In Him,

~Stephanie

Hello From The Caribbean!!!

2006-09-06T18:04:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone!

Thank you, first and foremost to all of you for your prayers and support!
It's wonderful knowing that all the hard work, prayers, encouragement, and
support (on everyone's behalf) finally paid off!

Things here are wonderful - it's almost surreal, in a way... I just can't believe I'm finally here!! It's been a fairly easy transition thus far,although our first workday (yesterday) with the kids in school was simply
EXHAUSTING!! I was actually in bed - IN BED - by 8:45pm! The kids are
wonderful though, full of joy, excitement for a new school year (and new
teachers :), and are a joy to be around and work with! What I've really
enjoyed is seeing how God is infused in EVERYTHING they do here: from
prayers before every meal, to prayers and devotions before class, and before
bed - God is everywhere here, and it's SO amazing!

The weather has been quite soggy - it's still beautiful and sunny part of
the day, but we've had storms roll through both days now (pretty typical of
the Caribbean this time of year from what I hear). The creeping critters
has been my biggest adjustment: we've already had a couple of visitors in
our little apartment - a three in long grasshopper, and a lizard which found
his way into my bedroom. (Eeek!)

But overall, I'm loving getting to know the people and the kids, and the
missionaries as well (who are both just wonderful!). Once I'm a bit more
settled in, I'll write more. But for now, I have to head down to help the
kids with homework.

I hope all is well!!

in Him,

~Stephanie

Only FOUR Days Left!!!

2006-08-30T15:19:00.000-05:00

Gah! I don't feel like I can finish it all before I leave!!

Wasn't it just yesterday that I was only TALKING about going back for three months?!

Four days until I leave for Jamaica.

I'm about ready to melt into a pile of goo on the floor.

Help me Jesus...

When The Enemy Strikes

2006-08-28T01:25:00.000-05:00

Just when you think you're in the clear: just when you think you've got it right and no one can bring you down... Satan hits with a brute force that you seemed to almost forget existed, due to the wonders from above that you have seen up to this point. Isn't that how it always seems to go? Some call it Murphy's Law, I prefer to call it, "the enemy's not getting his way". So he fights back: and fight he does.

Just yesterday, (10 days away from my departure date to Jamaica), I'm on my way home from work, heading to the bank in the middle of a downpour (it had been storming all day), when, out of the CLEAR BLUE SKY.... WHAAACK!!!! My little Pontiac Grand Am (little in comparison) plows into the back of a Jeep Wrangler. PLOWS. You see, what had happened was, as I was driving down this hill in the rain, following behind three other vehicles on a one lane street, when out of NOWHERE, this woman in the front of us decides to SLAM on her breaks, and without a SIGNAL, attempts to make a lefthand turn.

SMART.

So, as you can imagine, the guy behind her slams on his breaks, the girl behind him (the Wrangler), slams on HER breaks, and I slam on mine, when, consequently, my breaks lock up, and suddenly I go skidding, nay, SKIING into her back end. Yes, I strategically placed my Grand Am in the back of, and underneath a Jeep Wrangler. You figure out what my car looked like. I'd draw you a picture, but I'm not very skilled in Microsoft Paint, so I'll spare you.

So anyway, yes, I'm fine, and yes, my car DID recieve the most damage, YES, I was the last to collide, so YES, my insurance company will be paying the most out of anyone in the collision. Boo, boo, and triple boo. The poopiest part about all of this is that the lady who caused the accident got off scott free. Go figure. Well anyway, the short and skinny of it all, is, while I was waiting for the tow truck to come get my mangled piece of wreckage, I began thinking about spiritual warfare, and how this can only be one of Satan's last ditch efforts at keeping me away from the mission field. It was at about this time when this verse came to mind...

"10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints" (Eph 6:10-18).

It's such a blessing to know that God's on my side no matter what! Doesn't that just bless your heart beyond measure? To know that no matter what the circumstances, He's "got your back"? I LOVE it!!

In meditating on my trip and what I might face, and the war I will likely wage as I go, I wrote a poem awhile back as I was flying to a fro from Chicago to Seattle and back to Chicago again: it is the cry of my heart - one of timidity, humility, thankfulness, and hope:

Who am I
That I might conquer the winds and the rains?
Who am I
That I might pull out my sword and put up my shield
to defeat the enemy?
Who am I
That I might answer this call
Going boldy forward on faith alone?

I am a child of He who is sending me
He who is greater than all things
He who is stronger
Who is mightier
Than anything I could imagine to face

I am a child of the Great "I AM"
The Creator of the Heavens and the Earth
He is our Father

I am...

A Child Of God.

And in talking about battles and waging war against the enemy, let me just leave you with one more thing: the lyrics (yet another Bethany Dillon song) of the song I sang tonight in church: a cry of my heart of sorts as I get ready to head out into the mission field...

A Voice Calling Out
Bethany Dillon

I hear a voice calling out
I hear a voice in this wilderness
Where darkness has reigned for so long
Ground is being taken

The trumpet sounds
And Your glory touches the ground
And we all stand in awe
Who it this?
This glory far beyond us
I hear a voice

I hear a drum beating
Heaven's drawing near
The sky will open up
Your people are being healed
I hear a voice

Heaven's battle cry
Rise
See the sun light what was hidden
Heaven's heart beat
See it moving
What was a whisper is now
A voice calling out

I see a generation rising up
No longer accepting lies
Running to the battlefield
And losing their lives
I see a generation rising up
No longer accepting lies
As a band of worshipers run to the battlefield
They're finding their lives
I hear a voice

Heaven's battle cry
Rise
See the sun light what was hidden
Heaven's heart beat
See it moving
What was a whisper is now
A voice calling out

Only 13 More Days!!

2006-08-22T12:03:00.000-05:00

Until I'm on a plane...

... heading to the next phase of my life. Gulp!

So many things have been happening lately, and it seems that this summer has just flown by. I have been ironing out my life in many different areas, taking a lot of time to reflect, reorganize, and in some cases, even toss out some unnecessary baggage that I've been carrying: besides, I only get to take two check-in suitcases, my guitar, and a backpack with me to Jamaica - I don't have any room for the rest! I've really done some growing this past five months, and I expect that God will still shuffle some things around, give me some new things to use (ie: wisdom, new knowledge, etc...), and I'm very excited to see what He's going do in me and how He will use me.

I also want to share with you all that the Lord has been very good to me in terms of my fundraising. I was able to get up and speak about my trip at church this last Sunday, and I shared about God's calling on my life in this area. We took a love offering in each service for my trip, and I found out yesterday in a meeting that my total came to almost double what is usually collected for a special offering like this. Many, MANY prayers were answered that morning, and because of that offering, I am SO close to my goal, and I still have 13 more days to fundraise!

You know, many people have asked me, "Well, what if you don't raise all of your funds? Then what? My reply has remained the same: "Well, I guess I'll have to come home early then. But seeing that I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that God has called me to this mission for a time, I just have to trust Him and BELIEVE that He will provide for me. The funds will come in." Praise God that He's yet again proving Himself faithful and working through the hearts and lives of many to make this mission of mine happen. I'm not there quite yet, I do have a ways to go before my fundraising is completed, but I'm confident God that He will make a way.

A big thank you to those of you have already donated, as well as those of you who are still planning to. A HUGE-MONGOUS thank you to all who have prayed for me throughout this whole last year. A LOT has happened (and will likely continue to happen) as the year progresses and as I serve in Jamaica. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for ALL of your support: prayers, donations, and words of encouragement. You all are in my prayers as well!

I'll be sure to post a couple of more times before I leave, and from that point on, please be sure to check in with me often, as I'll be planning (trying) to post updates weekly from the mission field.

13 days!! WOW!!

I Know I've Been M.I.A. Lately...

2006-08-16T09:36:00.000-05:00

Can you guess where I was?

The world-famous Pike Place Market. There's nothing quite like it: SO much fun!

The fish-throwers. (Isn't the one in the middle just the handsom-est thing you've ever seen?)

Downtown.

Mt. Rainier. Simply breathtaking.

The Space Needle. (GREAT seafood here, by the way.)

A view from the top.

The EMP (Experience Music Project) from afar.

Overall, it was a GREAT visit: great city, great seafood, all around great atmosphere. WONDERFUL people, amazing sights, and most importantly, a great visit with my dad.

It's That Time Again!

2006-07-25T11:17:00.000-05:00

For those of you who have remained faithful and have not given up on me in my absence: I thank you from the bottom of my heart! (By the way Steve, the aliens say hi!) You can't imagine the amount of time, energy, heart, soul, spiritual preparation, and so on... that goes into planning and preparing for a trip like this. I'll only be gone for three months, but you would think I was planning on never coming back with the way I've been working toward this mission of mine. (I can already hear comments in regards to that last statement. It's okay. Go ahead. I'm ready for anything!)

With that said, I would like to redirect your attention (assuming that I still have it) to this upcoming missions trip of mine that I have been going on and on and ON about since I returned home from there the first time.

As you all know, while I was still there, I began to feel a stirring in my heart: a connection to this place that I couldn't quite put my finger on. But I knew for certain in my heart of hearts that the Lord was speaking to me in some very big ways: I just couldn't quite decipher what He was saying to me at the time. I recieved prayer in Jamaica from my team and the orphanage staff for my "direction-less life", almost BEGGING God to tell me something... ANYTHING!! He seemed to be silent. Or so I thought.

I also developed an overwhelming sense of peace that week, just one of the very many "clues" from above that would begin to literally flood my life, that I was to return for a time. To see the full story, click here.

Since having recieved "the call" to this mission, I have been approved for a three month stay in Kingston, Jamaica, beginning this fall. I will be working at the orphanage, more than likely working with the children as a house mother for the duration of the time that I'm there. I am extremely excited about this opportunity, but very humbled at the same time, knowing that God could have easily chosen someone else for the job and I would have been none the wiser: but He chose me. And while this is only a three month stay, and not a three YEAR mission, I am still greatly moved that God would allow me to take part in such a delicate mission as working with the homeless, abandoned, and neglected children of Jamaica - children who now, by the grace of God, have been given a second chance at life, love, and a relationship with thier Creator.

I also very much look forward to the lessons that I will learn, the experience that I will gain in working with children, the spiritual growth that I will undoubtedly experience, and the relationships that I will make that will surely last a lifetime.

I am responsible for raising my own funds, the total cost of which adds up to $6,120.00. This includes travel to and from Jamaica, room and board, personal care items, food, travel while on the island, and personal expenses.

I am believing that God will move the hearts of many so that I may meet my goal even before I leave. Would you consider sponsoring me with a financial donation, or even a committment to prayer for me for the duration of time that I'm serving there? Any and all contributions, both donations and/or prayers would be GREATLY appreciated! This is a HUGE step of faith I'm taking in my life, and I'm resting solely in the promises of God at this point:

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11).

I am also trusting in the call that I recieved from Him in scripture awhile back when I first submitted my application to the world missions department (please note my additions in italics):

"'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as prophet to the nations.'
'Ah, Sovereign LORD,' I said, 'I do not know how to speak(I am fearful); I am only a child(brand new child in my faith).'
But the LORD said to me, 'Do not say, "I am only a child." You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them(do not be fearful of the unknown), for I am with you and will rescue you,' declares the LORD.
Then the LORD reached out His hand and touched my mouth and said to me, 'Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant'" (Jeremiah 1:4-10).

If you are indeed interested in contributing to my mission to Jamaica, or are just interested in more information, please email me at:

anie4him28@yahoo.com

and I'll send you all the necessary information to get you through the donation process. Also, I will be sending out weekly updates from the mission field, so if you would like to recieve those emails, please shoot me your email address to the address above, and I'll make sure to add you.

Thank you in advance for prayerfully considering sponsoring me: it means more to me that you can possibly know! And again, thank you to each and every one of you who has taken part in praying me into this mission - your prayers and support have helped bring me to a place that I never imagined I would ever be, short of the hand of God. And amazingly enough, here I am: and I still can't believe that I'm actually here. Ready to serve. Any way I can.

Thank You All.

WHAT?!

2006-07-14T15:52:00.000-05:00

So I'm checking my "stats" on my "top secret spy-on-all-my-friends-who-visit-my-site" program, when I come across a search done for ...

"most hideous pictures ever".

Yahoo! apparently thought it appropriate to guide this person here.

I'm officially traumatized.

If You're Wondering Where I Went...

2006-07-11T08:38:00.000-05:00

....Well it appears that I have fallen off the face of the planet.

Don't worry though.

I'll be back before you know it.

Dear Jadon...

2006-06-29T20:48:00.000-05:00

Mr. Lavik, I must confess. I didn't know you were seriously dating anyone. I didn't know you were on the concorde express to marriage-dom when I wrote this. I really didn't! It was actually just an attempt to entertain my readers, and (especially) myself.

Recently I saw on your blog (yes, I found your blog, and yes, you can now call me a stalker) this picture of you and your beautiful new bride... Stephanie.

But NOT before some sneaky-peak person visited my site from San Clemente, CA WHICH I found out happens to be your hometown (yes, I'm a private investigator too, didn't you know?), and left me THIS comment:

"Anonymous said...
Jadon's engaged. So I think your outta luck!"

I must admit, that, while I'm thrilled for you, I was a bit sad for myself that my grande attempts at stalkerdom failed me miserably. Ah well... such is life I guess. However, since then, I have seen that same person return to my site a few times, and I have now come up with the following conclusions.

It is either:

A. You (Jadon) visiting me for a good hearty laugh. (Which, yes, you were supposed to Google yourself and find me... but you were supposed to fall in love. Not laugh.)

B. You (Jadon) and your wife visiting me for a good hearty laugh together.

C. You (yes, you Jadon) and your friends... visiting me for a good hearty laugh. Together.

But I am here today, my friend, to tell you that your time under the sun has passed. That's right! I have moved on. And while I will always cherish your vocal stylings (cause let's face it - ANY man who can sing well is good in my book - not enough of you (men who can sing) out there by the way), I have set my sights on an even more unrealistic target. A more highly visible man who shares an even more similar taste in music as me. Someone who, for a lack of a better way to describe it, should have been born black too- just like me. The fact is - this man has SOUL. And I can't think of a better, more unrealistic fantasy man to pine after than America's very own musical idol...

Taylor Hicks.

I tried to get a picture of him, but blogger would not let me, so allow me to give you a visual with words:

With his silver hair, tall physique, classic taste in dress, and his captivating green eyes that almost say to me... "Stephanie... you're the one..."... Do you even wonder then, why he is my new crush?

I read an article in People Magazine that told me in many more words, that he's the man of my dreams. How do I figure, you ask?

He's a lover of jazz (check!), the man has SOUL (check!), he's tall (check! check!), his ideal of a relaxing Sunday afternoon: putting on a potroast, listening to jazz, all while enjoying the view from his balcony (oh check!check!check!). He doesn't play games, he is kind, considerate, sweet, and yet charming - full of passion for all the same things as me.

Well...

...except for the whole loving God thing.

But we can pray him into a relationship with Christ, can't we? That's... um... easy enough! Suuuure. Not a problem. Future relationship with Christ? (check!!!!!!!!) See? So once that happens, then we can start our music ministry together!

Don't you just love how my mind works?

So, sorry Jadon. The laughs must cease, because you are no longer the man of my dreams: mainly because you failed to meet one of my requirements. (See letter F on my post of how to woo me.) So, after this post has been up for a day or two, I'll be RE-posting "How to Woo Me..." replacing you (Jadon) with my future husband-man (Taylor Hicks).

**********************

**Disclaimer - I am really not this crazy: this is simply yet again an attempt to entertain myself. Jadon, your music is excellent, and I really do enjoy it. Blessings to you and your wife in your new lives together.

Taylor, I really do think we'd be perfect for one another - being that we're both soulful singers and all (see above for more details) - but I'm sure you have a million women telling you the same thing. I really enjoy your voice and your music, and can't wait to see what the future holds for your career. God bless.**

***To my readers: if you think that people who you talk about on your blogs don't find you - think again. Katie - I'll bet you Shane has taken a peek at your blog once or twice too. Do you think we might be on to something here?!**

Thank God For Great Girlfriends!

2006-06-26T00:53:00.000-05:00

What would I do without my girlfriends?

I'd have no one to talk to about whatever we want

No one's shoulder to cry on when things get tough

I'd have no one to listen, no one to vent to,

No one laugh with when the latest date falls apart.

I'd have no one to occupy a table for hours with

Talking about life, love, and the pursuit of husbands,

While the restaurant staff sweeps up around us

Cause the place closed up - an hour ago!

I'd have no one to drink a pot of coffee with

over a good chat, just she and I

while the kids run circles around us screaming

and somehow we still manage to get a word in edgewise

I'd have no one to call when I'm feeling a bit lonely

No one to make me laugh right out loud

No one to agree that "that guy was a JERK!"

No one to carry those burdens along with me.

Thank God for my girlfriends!

Without them, I don't know what I'd do!

My life would be rather empty

Void of so many joys...

Guys don't know what they're missing out on...

Cause there's nothing in the world like great girlfriends.

Prayer Request!

2006-06-20T15:51:00.000-05:00

"...and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much" (James 5:16).

Dear Friends:

You may remember that back when I was in Jamaica, I insisted on being one of the boys. I sweat, I toiled, I lugged concrete buckets down and up the side of a mountain in the sweltering heat, helping the guys create a set of stairs for the orphanage.

It was difficult, but gratifying work, resulting in, not only a new set of concrete stairs, but a little mini-victory within myself: I did it!! (Or helped do it anyway...)

Well, the part of the story I didn't tell you, was, ever since that day, I have been experiencing rather intrusive heart palpitations. Some days it's mild: I'll only have a couple small, momentary flutters - no big deal. Other days, I'll have upwards of twenty to thirty palpitations, ranging from mild to knock-the-wind-out-of-me startling. At first I thought it might be anxiety. Shortly thereafter, I realized I was very wrong.

On a day like that, when I felt as if my heart would stop if I had one more stinkin' skipped beat, I called my doctor's office after hours and explained my problem - they sent me to the E.R.

Two thousand dollars and no diagnosis later, I was sent home with a simple, "it's nothing. It will just be an annoyance to you. Follow up with your doctor when you can if it continues."

Seeing that I don't have health insurance, I really didn't want to go to the doctor for this now that I've already wasted all this money on nothing. Besides, in my mind, I hadn't keeled over yet: I could wait another month or two.

Well, one day last week, I took an antihistamine for my allergies, and it suddenly seemed that my blood pressure dropped. It was exhausting to even just sit on the couch. I was having palpitations like there was no tomorrow, and I thought my heart was going to leap right out of my chest - NO GOOD.

So I finally gave in, called my doctor, made an appointment, and saw him two days later. He listened intently to my heart and told me two things:

1. You have a murmur. (Okay doc, plenty of people have murmurs. What else?)

2. You have a condition called Mitral Valve Prolapse. We can put you on heart meds so you experience less of the symptoms, but they'll make you real tired.

Okaaaaaay.... I choose to stay awake, thank you!

So from what I understand, it's really not life-threatening. All it is, is a faulty valve that in turn, can cause some really WIERD side-effects (ie: the palpitations I've been having, fatigue, anxiety, among many other things.) It is fairly common (as far as heart conditions are concerned), however, upon reading more about it on my own, I found that it can also cause more serious complications if it gets worse, that of which I'm not going to get into because they're no fun, really scary, and more importantly....

I'm believing for healing. So I'm not going to worry about them.

So this whole big long story, is all in an attempt to ask you for your prayers. God has me headed on a mission in two and a half months, doing something I've never done before - doing nothing but HIS work for three straight months! I want to be in tip-top shape!! I don't need some "heart thing" slowing me down!

So please keep me in your prayers that God will heal me of this. The funny thing is, something like this would have normally sent me in a tailspin, absolutely freaking out with a ton of "what if's" about what this will do to me. But you know what I've learned more recently that has kept me at total peace about this whole thing?

My God is bigger. He's BIGGER than this heart problem, He's bigger than anything that I could ever imagine or conjure up that might slow me down or get in my way, or any sort of curve ball that the enemy might try to hit me with. Jesus is bigger, He's better, and He's my protector: and please just pray that His healing touch would come down upon me before I leave for this trip. I'm already thanking Him for it, so let's make it happen!

"And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up" (James 5:15).

Thank you friends, for all your support and prayers in other areas in my life- and thank you in advance for your prayers in this as well.

Have a blessed week everyone!

The Theme Song To My Life Right Now...

2006-06-15T09:27:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you've all heard it: it's that song that gets your blood pumping. It almost seems to lift your spirit from where you are now, to where you should be... where you want to be... where you KNOW you're supposed to be.

Songs like this will not soon be forgotton, because they harbor a small place in our hearts where we once lent it the keys to unlock our imagination, the keys to our heart, or to the very floodgates of our souls.

Music touches us all in many different ways: but moreso than not, music has a way touching lives, impacting the hearts of all who hear it, changing perspectives, calming restless souls: ushering us to a place within ourselves where we can connect the physical, the spiritual, the mental, and the emotional, to even for a fleeting moment, create a sense of total peace - when we hear that perfect song.

I'd like to share with you a song that I stumbled across which pretty much gives life to the feelings that I have been harboring inside of me for sometime now. When I hear this song (however pop-y and bubble-gum sounding it may be), it takes me to the place that I mentioned before. It reminds me of where I not only SHOULD be, but of where I am going rather soon.

God has a way of using music in my life to remind me of the things that I have let go of since growing into adulthood: the sense of wonderment that I used to carry with me - I was always such a dreamer, and still am to a point. But I ALWAYS carried this feeling within me when I was younger of a longing for adventure, discovery, fulfillment. This song reminds me of that feeling, but also reminds me that I'm about to embark on an adventure that is going to quench that thirst that I've been harboring within me - that I almost let myself forget about.

NATASHA BEDINGFIELD LYRICS

Unwritten

I am unwritten,
can't read my mind,
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning,
the pen's in my hand,
ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition,
sometimes my tries,
are outside the lines
We've been conditioned
to not make mistakes,
but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

**To hear the song, you can just hop over to my MySpace site: it should start automatically.**

God's Gifts

2006-06-11T23:52:00.000-05:00

My friend "E" is a very talented photographer. I use the term "friend" kind of loosely, because up until she announced that she was leaving to go back to Germany for a time, she and I barely had a chance to get to know one another. Therefore, I didn't know about her talents until recently, when she invited me over to her house for a "goodbye lunch" and a chat, and asked if she could take some pictures of me while I was there. She said that if any of them turned out really well, that I should consider using them for my first CD cover. heh. Let me tell you how much THAT freaked me out.

Without getting into TOO much detail (hate to spread news when I'm not even sure I have all the facts straight yet), God has been dealing with me on some things in that general area (music/worship), so when "E" started boldly speaking into my life like that, well, let's just say I was a little floored. God is so faithful to us in ALL areas of our lives, we just need to develop a sensitivity to His Spirit to be able to "hear" Him when He speaks to our hearts. I've been really trying to follow His lead these days, and the results have been simply incredible.

Well, I could probably just dance all over this soap box of mine tonight, but I'll leave that for the next post (consider it a teaser). In the meantime, I wanted to share with you a couple of the results of our little "photo shoot" last week, and brag a little all over my very talented friend "E".

I really liked this one because of the lighting. And believe it or not, the backdrop for this picture is her kitchen wall next to the patio door. Perfect coloring, perfect lighting: but she captured it in a way that I don't think I ever could have.

This again was a lighting thing for me. The backdrop wasn't so great, but you deal with what you have to work with when you're amateurs.

Now I could really see using something like this for a cd cover. This is by far my favorite picture out of the bunch that she gave me.

This is "E". Isn't she gorgeous? AND talented?

I just love how God blesses us all with different and unique gifts and abilities: and I love watching them come together, taking shape and developing into something concrete and useful for the Kingdom.

So, thank you "E" for the blessing that you are to me and that I'm VERY sure you'll be to many MANY others as you go along in life.

I'll make sure to call you before that CD is released so you can put the "finishing touches" on it for me.

Good Morning Everyone!

2006-06-08T01:09:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting at my computer at 1:08 in the morning, to be exact, and my mind is going at a thousand miles a minute about everything and nothing at all. Don't you love when that happens?

You know, I really feel like I lost the will to blog as of late. It was so much easier when I sat at a desk all day long and had nothing but time on my hands. It actually was a blessing for me to have a job that enabled me to be able to think quite a bit and in turn, log it all on a journal online. (?) Blogging really is a funny concept when you really think about it, don't you think? You think, you write, total strangers read. Hmmm... Well, and now some of these total strangers have become wonderful friends, so blogging can't be all THAT bad!

Okay wow. I really have lost track of the whole reason I started this entry anyway. I guess I am a little tired after all. Well, since I totally lost my train of thought to begin with... anyone have any good stories? Wanna start a deep conversation about something controversial? Prayer requests?

Have a wonderful day (once it actually starts)! I'm going to the bed! Peace out!!

Seeking His Face

2006-06-04T23:49:00.000-05:00

"Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always" (1 Chronicles 16:11).

May I always seek your face, oh Lord, even more today than the day before. Even more tomorrow than I did today. May I seek your face not for selfish gain, rather for you to prepare me, shape me, and ready me for whatever lies ahead, as I know that you will be using me in mighty ways to further your Kingdom. Breath within me your wisdom as I begin a new quest in seeking abundantly more of You.

"Breath on me...
Breath on me.
Holy Ghost power...
Breath on me.
Yesterday's gone
Today I'm in need.
Holy Ghost power
Breath on me."

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13)

May my heart yearn for You Father, as I seek your face morning noon and night. Give me the passion that burns deep within to press forward even through the deserts and the valleys. Never let me become complacent, as I no longer want to want to be a fairweather Christian. Shower me with your spirit, Lord, so that I might dive into the vast waters of your love, knowledge, wisdom, comfort, guidance, and peace.

"Rain on me

Rain on me.

Holy Ghost shower

Rain on me.

Yesterday's gone

Today I'm in need.

Holy Ghost shower

Rain on me."

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33).

Lord, keep me Kingdom-minded as I move forward in this life. Give me the strength to endure, the hope that is present only in You, the joy that comes only from thy salvation, and the wisdom to be effective wherever you choose to use me. Keep my heart in the right place at all times, oh Lord. Keep me on fire for you, that I might burn with a passion for Your Word, for Your purpose, and always for souls to be saved until my day on this earth is done.

"Burn in me

Burn in me.

Holy Ghost fire

Burn in me.

Yesterday's gone

Today I'm in need.

Holy Ghost fire

Burn in me."

MySpace

2006-05-30T21:24:00.000-05:00

I had every intention of writing a deep post for a change. Something soulful and inspiring, but it's not ready to come forth yet. Boo.

So, in the meantime, I wanted to tell you about my MySpace site. Well, MySpace in general tends to become real addictive. Much like Blogger, it can be a slow start, but once you begin to personalize your space, and friends begin to add you, and you start to see more and more of yourself shining through your little masterpiece, well... it sucks you in.

I don't blog on MySpace, but what I do thoroughly enjoy about it, is that you can share music left and right: you can even select a different song for every day of the week to post on your site - a kind of way to share with others your favorite artists, songs, etc... (and if you know me at all, you know that this is VERY important!!)

So, in light of my new (and very delayed) discovery, I wanted to share with you not only my personal MySpace site, but also some very favorite artist pages that I hope will bless you as much as they have blessed me.

My site

Martha Munizzi

Isreal & New Breed

Kirk Franklin

Fred Hammond

Kids Are The Best!

2006-05-27T13:11:00.000-05:00

I found this on a friend's MySpace site and just had to share. Kids just crack me up!!

*******************************

Sam (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

D I (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and ! then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment a little girl leaned over to her mom and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

It Rains

2006-05-23T22:34:00.000-05:00

When I feel all alone
When I can't get an answer
When it feels like time just stops
It begins to rain.

When my mind is racing
When the panic consumes me
When my heart can't take much more
It rains.

When over the horizon
I see a hope, I see a future
But I can't quite make it on my own
It rains.

Holy Lord, hear my cry
For more clarity, more answers
For direction, and for peace.
It yet again, begins to rain.

Everytime I'm lost
When I can't find a way out of my misery
He showers me with His blessings
Oh, peaceful rain.

I am humbled by His heart for me
His willingness to wait for me
His strength that always fights for me
When I have no more fight left in me.

He showers me with hope
With peace, and with His presence.
He showers me with with love,
With His mercy and with grace.

When I am still and I'm in wait
When I ask my Father for His hand
When I let Him guide my steps in faith...

Oh His blessed, peaceful rain.

Well...

2006-05-19T09:49:00.000-05:00

I'm officially a missionary to Jamaica.

I recieved my acceptance packet in the mail two days ago.

I'm really really going!

Thanks again everyone, for all your prayers and support: it has meant the world to me! It also has helped to propel me into something that I never really thought I would do! Mission work was always something nice to talk about, but I never really saw myself taking serious action on anything more than a week-long missions trip here and there. Now, I'm going to live in a third world country - for three months!

I'm going to steal Steve's line yet again and say:

GOD IS GOOD!!!

As Much As I Hate To Admit it...

2006-05-17T22:55:00.000-05:00

... I knew this was going to happen. Elliot went home tonight.

AND I CRIED!!! Didn't I tell you I would? But he cried, so I cried! I was real sad! BOOOOOOO!

And then Kathrine gets to stay up there with her chipper, overly-happy self, and then they quickly became angry tears.

I seriously yelled at the television too: a huge, bellowing, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!". I'm lucky the neighbors didn't call the cops. But really you guys: what is this world coming to?!

But whatever: no matter what, the man has a bright BRIGHT future as a singer. He's incredible! And I'm just putting it out there, but... Elliot: if you ever want to join forces and take a duet act on the road... Call me. We could make big things happen. HUGE!!

But you know, even though what's-her-face got to stay on the show one more week, I still have hope: the fact that Taylor rules all and he's going to win and then come to Milwaukee and marry me and we're going to live happily ever after. Well, at least that's how it all turns out in my head anyway...

May the best MAN win!

American Idol

2006-05-16T21:57:00.000-05:00

Okay...

I'm officially having a freak-out over a television show.

A TELEVISION SHOW!!

But I can't help it! American Idol to me is what... The Partridge Family must have been to people back in the 70's! (Bad comparison, I know.)

But seriously: if they vote either of the boys off, what WILL we do? I already almost had a heart attack last week when I found out that Chris was voted off. I mean, it's CHRIS. Come ON!!

But then again, I have some seriously high hopes for Elliot. After all, the man has the best male voice in the competition: he has an incredible range, a smooth, colorful tonal quality, and the boy can move that voice unlike pretty much any other male vocalist that I've heard out there these days! However, Taylor Hicks has the whole package: beautiful smoky voice, stage-presence, and some KILLER dance moves!

I like Kathrine well enough, she can sing, blah blah blah. But I really want a guy to win this year! They're just incredible! If one more dude gets voted off so Kathrine can stay just one more week, I'll cry. I can't pick between those boys, and she's just getting in the way now. (I know, I'm SO mean!) But seriously! There are already COUNTLESS girls out there who are attractive and can sing "pretty". We need some dudes out there with vocal power: like the Micheal Buble's and... Josh Grobens of the world. Could we please get another Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder in the mix please? See what I'm saying? WE NEED MORE BOYS IN THE INDUSTRY.

...And that is why I think that it should be a three-way tie: Taylor Hicks, Elliot Yamin, and Chris Daughtry (after all, this is just a big mean joke - they're going to bring Chris back to add a surprise twist to thier ending next week- they HAVE TO!!! YOU HEAR ME SIMON PAULA AND RANDY?! YOU H-A-V-E TO!!)

*AHEM!*

Anyway, so that is what I think about American Idol. Please comment freely and tell me what YOU think is going to happen tomorrow night and next week. I promise I'll calm down enough to have a civilized conversation with you all. I promise. :)

I Feel...

2006-05-14T22:19:00.000-05:00

Totally confused.

I want to know where I should go to school.

I want to know what I should go to school for exactly. (Music, duh. But music and what? What focus should I take?)

I want to know if I will wind up moving out of state, and if so, where.

I want to know EXACTLY what my ministry will be someday.

I want to know if I will be married someday.

Will I be a missionary?

Will I sing for a living?

Will I ever settle down into a routine, or am I always destined to keep moving and shaking in every direction?

Will I have kids someday? Will I adopt?

I want to know if I am going to drive myself crazy, and inadvertently make my head explode with all the questions.

Just wondering...

that's all.

I Miss Jamaica

2006-05-09T23:44:00.000-05:00

Group shot.

Such angels they are... ;)

Isn't tropical plantlife incredible?

Lil' ol' me.

Gotta love my pastor.

Fancy-pants dinner at a fancy-pants restaurant in Kingston.

Jamaican sunset. Isn't it amazing?

I simply can't WAIT to go back.

Fun Facts

2006-05-08T01:21:00.000-05:00

1. I was on Baywatch when I was 14. (I was an extra, but it was my favorite show at the time, so this was the coolest thing EVER back then!)

2. Even though I love the tropics more than anything in the world, my most desired vacation destinations would have to be Italy and Ireland. Haven't been to either yet.

3. I'm 25 and I still don't have a "career". Apart from being a stay-at-home mom someday, I'm not even 100% sure of what I want to be when I grow up yet.

4. I'm totally outgoing, but I tend to get really scared of boys (guys, men, whatever) if I'm attracted to them.

5. I have a wierd obsession with the show, "Friends". But then again, I have a similar friend situation to that of the show, and all of them are addicted to it too. I'm the Phoebe of the group. I think I've told you all that already though.

6. I'm stalling: what I really wanted was to come up with a great new post that would get the juices flowing upstairs and spark a thoughtful conversation, but alas, I came up dry. So you get this sorry excuse for a post instead. :)

7. I'm an only child. Have I ever told you that before?

8. I've always had best guy friends my whole life. However, a spot has recently become available for "big brother #15". Applications are now being accepted.

9. I sleep with the same stuffed animal that I've had since I was 13. His name is Peaches. It's not, however, for the security, rather, the comfortability factor. I can't sleep if I'm not hugging something. Aww!

10. My hair is not really red. Don't tell anyone though. I couldn't tell them the real color if I tried: I've been coloring my hair since I was 15.

So now my question to you: what's a fun fact about you that we would have otherwise never known?

Can You Believe This?

2006-05-04T08:36:00.000-05:00

Last night as I was getting ready for bed, an old post of mine kept popping in my head. I wrote this way back on the 5th of December, 2005, way before I lost my job, way before I went to Jamaica, way before I even knew that my dream of accomplishing mission work may become a reality.

http://anie4him.blogspot.com/2005/12/just-around-bend.html

This, my friends, is a true testament to God's unfailing love and devotion to us and our lives. Just click on the link above and take a peek at what I was pondering back in December. I think you'll get a kick out of it. I know I did!

Have a blessed day everyone!

It's In...

2006-05-01T15:55:00.002-05:00

Well... my application is finally completed. I filled it out, double and triple checked it, prayed over it (a few times), and finally today, I took it to the post office where I mailed it first class. There's no turning back now: it's officially out of my hands, and in God's.

Please be praying with me that His will be done concerning my three month trip to Jamaica this fall. Whether I recieve a yes or a no, I'll be satisfied, knowing that His plan for me is unfolding before my very eyes.

Thank you friends, for all of your support and encouragement during this time. I love you all!

2006-04-27T23:01:00.001-05:00

Reflection.

Dissection.

Reasoning.

Sifting.

Restructuring.

Purification.

Clarity.

Healing.

This process of "what was", to "why it was", to "how is it now", to "how will it be", is something I think we all need to go through: and believe it or not, this can happen with God as the center of it all. We can ask the "why's" and even the "why me's" and discover ourselves all while asking God to be the center of our focus. We can revolve these moments completely around Him by referencing scripture, praying, as we dig deeper into who we are and why we are who we are.

I think it's so incredible that while God wants us to be followers of Christ and live Godly lives, that He wants us to be the unique individuals that He created us to be. It takes me back to the "one body, many parts" section of scripture that talks about us all being different, and how those differences work together to create one body: a unity that, without the diversity would serve no purpose.

"The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ" (1 Cor. 12:12). "But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body" (1 Cor. 12:18-20).

Individuality is discovered through a true, honest evaluation of self. We need to dig through the muck and grime of our pasts, resolve the hurts, the regrets, the pain, the unforgiveness, and the guilt and the shame before we can truly take on His breastplate of righteousness - and believe that we are forgiven.

It is definitely not an easy road to take, but it is far more rewarding than to continuously make the same mistakes and open the door to the same hurts over and over again. God has blessed me with an amazing support system so that I might take this road less traveled and find myself along the way. But most importantly I'm finding more, and more... and more of Him along the way: and He is the whole reason I began searching in the first place.

From the Mind of a Writer...

2006-04-25T00:08:00.000-05:00

As I float around or "blog surf" through my friends' pages, it seems that there is a common theme popping up here and there which made me laugh, as I am experiencing the same thing: writer's block.

I guess for me, it's situational though, as I could pretty much write about any one of many things I have going on in my mind these days. No, my writer's block has more to do with a song that began flowing from my heart as I played a chord progression on my guitar the other day: I just picked it up and began playing, and what came out of my mouth as I began to sing along with it was none other than my heart speaking in song. But there was only one problem. About halfway through, I lost it.

I really can't say I'm all that good at the whole song-writing bit quite yet. It's one thing to write lyrics to a song that has no melody. It's even another to write poetry that flows freely from the mind to the pen, and then back to the eyes and then out the mouth to be interpreted many different ways by the listener as he takes in each line... each word... and each thoughtful breath. But it's quite another thing to play a melody and let your heart fall into a delicate rhythm with the music; releasing from deep within you what you're feeling at that exact moment - your passions, your desires, the very essence of who you are - letting each word flow as you create a harmony of heart, mind, spirit, and sound that together will perfectly capture your soul in that very moment.

I found myself in that very place the other day: in a moment of genuine worship and reflection on my salvation, purity, and sanctification. As I picked up my guitar and began playing a simple melody that was easy on the ears, this is what came forth:

You make everything new

My heart aches for you

Take me as I am

Make me whole again

Your grace is sufficient for me

Your love sets me free

Shape me, mold me, and make me new

I desire to be like you

If I could reach up

and touch the sky

I would

If I could take my Fathers hand

and walk for miles

I would

Then it happened: ROAD BLOCK!!! The unfortunate part about this process (for me anyway), is that while I'm in that mode, I absolutely CAN'T be interrupted, because if I am, I lose it. So, I lost it. So now I'm massively frustrated because this is the cry of my heart, and I want to get back to that place so I can finish this thought, and in turn, finish the song.

But the silver lining in all of this, is that as I go through this process, I'm beginning to refine my skills on the guitar, which in turn, makes it easier (and more fun) to write music, which in turn, helps me to release all that is within me through song, which results in a very.happy.Stephanie. See? It's all very cyclical.

So while I'm suffering from writer's or... song writer's block, I pray that I continue down this bumpy yet gratifying road because while yes, it can be frustrating, it can be oh-so-cathartic at the very same time: and everyone could use a little *purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension*.. from time to time.

* Webster's definition of "catharsis". Isn't God cool?

A Thank You Letter

2006-04-21T12:50:00.001-05:00

A letter to a lost soul who I pray will one day be found...

************************

I have written so many letters to you that you have never seen, that it almost seems futile to write yet one more pouring my heart out to you: especially considering that no matter what I say, you won't change for me. Worse yet, you won't change for yourself and the betterment of your own life, or for God.

I have discovered you to be the most arrogant, insensitive, manipulative, and controlling human being I think I have ever met; and unfortunately for me, despite the constant stream of disaproval from my friends and family, I let you in. I let you in, and I let you destroy me.

In the beginning, I really thought you were something. I really thought you were this amazing person who I could TRUST. I thought you had a heart of gold, with everyone else's best interest in mind. I thought you had it all going for you : and I couldn't have been more wrong.

I don't know who you think you are. Really! I just think back sometimes on what once was: the way you talked to me... the way you treated me... how you manipulated me time and time again: all while keeping me at arm's length. All while putting me down, discouraging me, and holding me back from being who I really am.

I wish I could tell you to quit hiding behind that mask of yours: to let down your guard, realize that you're NOT the authority figure that you think you are in people's lives, to let go of the control, and humble yourself before the Lord, but I can't. You are so stubborn, that there is absolutely no way you would listen to me anyway.

But what I really wish I could say to you, above and beyond what I could say to you for your own benefit, and the benefit of others, is that YOU HURT ME. You hurt me beyond anything that I EVER thought I would allow from ANY MAN. You were downright TOXIC for me: and I deserved so much better than you. I really did. I still do! Now more than ever I know that I deserve so much better than anything you could have ever given me. While the initial shock of it all has passed, when I really think back on your arrogance, your decietfulness, and your manipulative nature, it still makes me so angry. I just really don't understand how one human being could be so heartless.

But I want you to know that regardless of how much you hurt me, and how I agonized over you for the past couple of years, that I still pray for you. I pray that God will humble your heart: that He will bring you to a place of complete and total submission to Him and His will, so that you can begin a healing process of your own that will bring about a resolution to your childhood that makes you the man that you are today. I pray that you will be set free from the spirits of control, manipulation, and anger that have bound you so tightly for all of these years.

I just pray that someday you can become the man that still, deep down inside, I know you can be: and in the meantime, I pray for myself, that I'll eventually be able to forgive you and be able to finally come to terms with it all. I have already become a stronger woman on account of this experience:

* When once you shattered my spirit, I am now more confident.

* When once you broke my heart in two, I finally allowed GOD to repair it.

* When once you made me believe I was worthless, I now know that I am priceless.

* Where once you stood in the gap, now NOTHING stands in the way of me and my Lord.

* Where once you made me lose all confidence in men, I now know that there is a man out there waiting for me who will treat me with the love, respect, and adoration that I deserve: and I will settle for NOTHING less.

Thank you for being yourself and not holding back from me: I learned who I was in the process. Thank you for mistreating me: because in the midst of that darkness, I learned that I was worth so much more. Most importantly, thank you for pushing me away: because as I left you in my most vulnerable state, I found God waiting for me with open arms.

His Forgiveness

2006-04-19T12:47:00.000-05:00

Did you ever do something that, at the time you thought was a good idea, but after you really sat down and thought about what you did, you felt totally and completely the opposite of good about the decision you made?

I'm pretty sure that I can safely assume that every single person who reads this will answer with a resounding, "YES!!"

It truly amazes me how immediate gratification seems to cloud our better judgement so often: it's as if common sense takes a first class flight right out the window when we're faced with something that will provide us with temporary feelings of satisfaction.

In the Garden of Gethsemene, in His final hour, Jesus said to His disciples,

"watch and pray so that you will not fall into tempation. The spirit
is willing, but the body is weak" (Matthew 26:41).

The body is weak indeed! We as Christians, even in our daily efforts of striving to be more Christ-like, stumble.

"We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault for what he says, he is a perfect man" (James 3:2).

We fall into traps set up by the enemy in our daily lives.

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around
like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour."

Spiritual warfare is all around us, and we have to stand strong and be ready for every temptation that we might face.

The beautiful part about all of this though, is that even if we do stumble, God is there to catch us and help us back up to our feet so we don't fall:

"If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he
stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with His hand" (Psalm
37:23,24).

This tells me, that if I'm delighting in the Lord and I am otherwise staying within His will, He will lift me up if I stumble! There is serious comfort in that, isn't there? This doesn't mean that we can deliberately sin or go against God, but if we do for some reason trip over our own two feet, which will undoubtedly happen over and over again in this life, He will be there to lift us up!

I also take comfort in the fact that the Lord uses our mistakes as a tool to teach us lessons, as well as others:

"...Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help
those who are being tempted" (Hebrews 2:18).

I love that our God uses even the things that we are ashamed of to lift us up and bring us into a greater place of understanding, and a closer relationship with Him. Did you ever notice that when you do something that you know was displeasing to God, that you find yourself in a place of mourning if your heart is truly in the right place? We tend to engage in serious prayer and supplication over our wrong-doings which is exactly where our hearts should be if we have sinned against the Lord: and it is in these times that the Lord takes us in our humble state and refines us:

Purify my heart
Let me be as gold
and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold
Pure gold

Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for you Lord
I choose to be Holy
Set apart for you my master
Ready to do your will

Purify my heart
Cleanse me from within
and make me holy
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from my sin
Deep within.

Praise God that even in my sinful times, He loves me enough to hold me near to him like a small child, wiping away my tears, teaching me right from wrong, washing all of my fears away.

God IS good!

So What Does It All Mean?

2006-04-13T21:27:00.000-05:00

The Sunday after we returned home was okay for me: I was surrounded by my church family and all my new friends from my trip. Everyone everyone was so pumped for me that I was able to experience serving the Lord like I did: and they all wanted to hear all about it. I couldn't really talk about it as much as I would have liked at that point, because there was so much to process, and I was having a bit of trouble readjusting to being back in the states. But the one thing I did know, the one thing I responded with when asked, "so how was your trip?!" was simply this: "It was amazing. I'm going back."

One person in particular that I talked with that day, Andy (who happens to be one of the most amazing men of God that I know), told me that within 3 minutes of talking with me about my trip, he could tell that my heart was still there. I agreed.

So he asked me what I'm going to do about that.

I began to share with him about the all the temporary missionaries on staff there (for generally three to six months at a time) that I got a chance to talk with rather extensively about thier assignments: picking thier brains, for lack of a better expression, to figure out how I might do the same thing. Unfortunately, as I told Andy, this could very possibly be the most ridiculous idea that I've ever come up with. Going back to Jamaica for... months? No way. I couldn't afford it! I'm too old! My parents would kill me: they'll tell me that I have bills to pay! I'm generally not this spontaneous... but there's something about the idea that's just drawing me in.

Andy reminded me of something that I apprently had forgotten about: or worse yet, I didn't give God the respect He deserved in acknowledging that He could do such a thing: he told me that if God wants me to go to Jamaica, He'll soften my parent's hearts. He'll work it all out.

I went to my parent's house later that afternoon, and decided to delicately bring this up to them: to test the waters and see if this was even going to be an option for me. The responses that I recieved literally floored me. My mom simply said, "well, I've kind of known for awhile now that you'd eventually be a missionary someday in some capacity or another: so if this is something that you need to do to get your feet wet, then more power to you." My step-dad asked, "how long would you go for? How would you afford it?" I told him likely three months in the fall, and I would have to raise the funds. He pretty much shrugged his shoulders and said okay.

Stunned is the only word that I have for what I was feeling at that very moment: and the affirmations kept coming in like a flood.

Anyone who I talked to about this: family, friends, mentors, were all incredibly supportive of this idea. Monday morning I couldn't stop crying: I was crying for what I left behind. I cried for all the children I couldn't spend time with anymore. I cried because of how messed up everything seemed here at home: how mixed up our priorities here suddenly seemed to me. I was experiencing a bad case of the "re-entry blues". I called my roommate to do lunch as a way to get my mind off of my miserable-ness momentarily, and while we were out together, I shared with her my desire to return to Jamaica for a few months. I really was expecting her (my very logical, grounded rooommate, as well as one of my closest friends) to tell me that I was crazy. She said, "Stephanie, you have always been a dreamer: and I'm pretty good at deciphering what you are and aren't serious about: what will and won't actually be carried through. I have to tell you: I think this is one of the best ideas you've ever come up with. I absolutely think that you should go. GO!"

Again. Stunned.

Hula Doula told me that while she and her family were praying for me one night, that her daughter began praying me back into Jamaica before they had even known that I was considering it. Friends all over the place were praying for me on this very issue, as was I: with a fervency and passion that I almost forgot existed in prayer. It all started to come together as I prayed: the simple fact that I didn't want to leave, that stirring that I felt while still in Jamaica, the the revelation in the bus on the way to the airport, the endless prayers over the past year for the possibility of mission work in my future, as well as the confirmations from all my family and friends: all signs seemed to be pointing to ---> GO!!!

I think the clincher was when I had called down to the City of Refuge (after I had sent an email expression my interest in coming back and not recieving a response) one afternoon. I had left my favorite Bible there, and was hoping that I would at the very least be able to talk to thier receptionist: from what I had heard, it is nearly impossible to get a hold of anyone down there, due to a lack of consistency in thier communications abilities, as well as thier busy schedules. Well, wouldn't you know it? I got a hold of the head.missionary.himself.

So, after a short conversation (he's not much of a talker), he told me that I was more than welcome to come down, during the time that I wanted, gave me a few details, and it was settled. I'm going to Jamaica.

I'm going BACK to Jamaica for THREE MONTHS.

From that point on, it's been preparation: spiritually, mentally, and physically. Right now, I'm in the middle of filling out my missionary application which will allow me to be officially registered and insured. So, pending my application, I'm there. I'm really really there! My senior pastor and I will be getting together in the near future to go over my schedule, my budget, etc..., and I will begin my fundraising efforts shortly thereafter. In the meantime, I'm praying for favor with the world missions committee: but knowing in my heart of hearts that this is God's plan for me right now in my life, I'm sure things will go rather smoothly. They've otherwise been seamless thus far.

So there you have it! The conclusion to the "Jamaica Missions 2006 Saga": and I'd really just like to thank each and every one of you for your prayers, support, and encouragement. You all have been such a blessing to me throughout all of this, and I can't even begin to express to you my gratitude. Just know that in very many ways, you all have helped (through prayer, financial support, and your general words of encouragement) to see me through to a brand new, very unexpected place in my life. Had you asked me two months ago if I could ever see myself living in a third world country, working with children in a place where running water and electricity comes and goes at will, I would have said "absolutely not!". But now, as God has worked in me and through me and changed me in some unbelievable ways, I stand in awe; looking both back at where I once was, and now ahead of me, marvelling at what will be.

I truly feel these days like a small child hanging onto the back of Jesus' shirt while he leads the way. I've really learned lately to step aside and let Him do all the leading. I want to go where He's going: because no plans that I make could come anything close to being as fruitful, rewarding, and nearly as amazing as what He would have me carry out if I just let Him show me the way. I'm truly blessed to be following His lead these days, because without His direction, I wouldn't be going where I'm headed right now: and I'm SO excited to take the ride. SO excited and blessed.

************************

On a completely separate note, as I mentioned earlier, I was able to meet fellow blogger, Shenna, who came down with her daughter to see our Easter musical this past Sunday. Just click on her name and check out her site, as she has shared with the land of Blog, a detailed account of our meeting. Stop by, say hello, and see our oh-so-dimply picture together: the proof that we did indeed hang out. That was a pic from our lunch at the Red Lobster: yummy yummy seafood! Anyway, I'll make sure to tell you more of my rendition very soon!

Have a blessed Easter everyone!

I Can't Believe This...

2006-04-13T13:23:00.000-05:00

Stupid Blogger ate my post.

Stay tuned for the conclusion with a little extra tonight.

Have a blessed day everyone!

Day 8

2006-04-06T22:56:00.000-05:00

Hello all! Please forgive me for being so absent-minded and neglecting my blog. It's just that we had our Easter production at my church this weekend which we performed on Friday night and then again for all of our Sunday morning services. So as you can imagine, being that it was an all-out production, we had practices every night this week, and therefore, my blog suffered in the process. But have no fear! Day 8 is here!

But before I launch into that, I would just like to give a shout-out to my friend Shenna and her daughter, K, who came all the way down from her hometown to see our Easter production and have lunch with me! There were great times had by all: make sure to stop back for the play-by-play of my visit with these two wonderful ladies!

So anyway, without further adeiu, I give you... Day 8!

*****************

Oh how I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to leave despite the mutant cockroaches and the "squiggly leezards".

I didn't want to leave despite the cold showers that I took all week: and yes, even despite the one that I had to take out of a water bottle on this particular morning because while there was water in the bathroom sink, there wasn't any in the shower.

I didn't want to leave because of the beauty of the landscape.

I didn't want to leave because of the serenity and peace that I found on this mountain.

I didn't want to leave because of the amazing relationships I made while I was there.

But more than anything, I didn't want to leave because I found God everywhere in this place: in this ministry, and in the hearts and lives of every person and every child that I met there. It was so hard to leave and let go of something that I never really had in the first place. I never thought it would be this tough.

The tears began to fall as I sat here and prayed for the last few precious moments that I had on the compound, thanking God for the whole experience: an experience that, rather than cherishing only a few precious moments and forgetting the rest, I would bottle up all together as one amazing and incredible moment - a moment that will have changed my life, my perspective, my vision, and my heart forever.

I think a part of me stayed in this spot overlooking this view, almost hoping, praying that I wouldn't be found: that they would forget me and I would be able to stay. But alas, I was discovered, and after a few more goodbyes with the staff, soon found myself taking one last bus trip down the Blue Mountains, heading back to Montego Bay to catch our flight home to the states.

As we made our way down, I couldn't help but feel as if I had left a little part of me behind...

And as I looked up toward the place that had so captured my heart over the last week, I realized that I already missed it: it almost seemed that there was a place within my spirit that was just not going to let go of this. It was a stirring: and at the time, I didn't quite understand it, but it would only be a matter of one day, and I would actually start to "get" what God was trying to say to me that day....

We had passed this place a few times heading up and down that mountain... I still haven't figured out what, if anything purchased from that store could honestly be considered, "Premium Quality". Yeeesh!

As we passed through Kingston, heading back towards the Fern gully, we saw more poverty that would literally make me catch my breath: it was as if it pierced me to the core of my spirit.

As we were passing more and more devastating scenes like the one pictured above, I was chatting with a friend and shared with him that I was rather disappointed: that I didn't feel like God taught me anything on this trip. And then it hit me. I looked around myself for a moment, and then suddenly turned to him and exclaimed, "I just realized what He taught me! You how people come back from these trips and say how it 'really made them appreciate everything they have here at home', you know, the conveniences, the cleanliness...? Well, while yes, I do appreciate those things a little more now, I realized something even greater about myself. I realized that I don't NEED all those things that I have at home to survive! I could happily live in a place like this, and be perfectly okay! I did it for a whole week, and to be completely honest, it didn't really phase me when we didn't have water (although I DID appreciate the showers when we could get them!), it didn't phase me that we would just lose electricity once in awhile. I didn't even mind the creepy crawlies that would have normally sent me screaming in the other direction. God showed me that I am much stronger than whatI had been giving myself credit for all along! I mean, why do I get to have all the conveniences that I have at home when these people might not even have clean water to drink from one day to the next? I could totally live in a place like this..."

It was right then that I made a connection: "could this possibly have something to do with that "stirring" that I was feeling a little ways back...?"

Naaaaah! It couldn't be!

*******************

We stopped in Ocho to do a little "speed bargain shopping", which was such a treat! "Hey pretty lady! Would you like to take a look at my jewelry? I give it to you for a veeeeeery nice price! Come on pretty lady! Come take a look!" If ever I had self-esteem issues, they were washed away with all the "pretty lady's" I recieved while shopping in Jamaica. I did discover some great finds though! I got a couple of necklaces, t-shirts, and a great jewelry box that was carved out of bamboo. Very pretty!

The rest of the trip home was rather uneventful. A couple of flight delay here, some 'customs action' there, one looooong bus ride home from Chicago, and we were packing up our cars and heading home at 2am Sunday morning.

Goodbyes are never easy: especially after spending such mass quantities of time together, and developing awesome relationships with people that you might have otherwise never known. But we did it as quickly as we could, seeing that we all had to be back to church in six hours: and it was sad. I hate goodbyes. Even though I knew I'd see them all the very next day, I just knew that it was never going to be quite the same as it was in those Blue Mountains...

... sipping some of the world's best coffee, playing with the world's greatest kids, and making some of the most incredible friendships; all while doing God's work. There truly is nothing quite like it.

Goodbye Jamaica, I'll miss you...

...but not for long...

It's Coming!

2006-04-06T08:44:00.000-05:00

I know you're all dying to know why I haven't been keeping up with my travel journal as of late; well, to be completely honest, up until recently, business had been slow, so I was able to blog rather consistantly. But I've been a little busier, so my journaling has been suffering a bit. But have no fear my friends: day 8 is well on it's way. Keep an eye out for it either tonight or tomorrow morning.

Have a great day everyone!

Day 7

2006-04-04T10:10:00.000-05:00

Ahhhhh, Friday. Day 7: fun day. This was a morning unlike any I had seen thus far. Even though we were allowed to sleep in today, I arose at the usual 6:30am, and decided to make good use of my time. So, I grabbed my camera and my Bible, and headed out my front door, only to realize that I was standing in the middle of a cloud. I made my way up to the veranda and found that I couldn't see a thing. But what I did notice, is that with every passing minute, the clouds would settle lower...

...and lower...

...and lower.

I was one of the fortunate few to bear witness to this unbelievable sight, and just marveled at God's incredible artistry. What a way to start the morning!

The sun seemed just a little brighter today and the air just a little more pure: maybe it was because I knew there was no work ahead of me today, rather, a lot of relaxation. Whatever the case, it was a beautiful morning. After breakfast and devotions, we had a little time to go down and check out our work. This is the door I helped make on day 4, and the guy who helped me make it. ;)

And we were able to spend a little time hanging out with the kids before they headed off to school.

We then all headed back up to our rooms to throw on our suits, pack our bags for the day, slap on a little sunscreen, and get ready for our day! of! fun! The bus arrived around 10am, and we were soon making our way back down the mountain for our fun-filled day in the sun. Well, no sooner did we get half-way down, and we recieved a phone call that we were to run back up to the compound to pick up a package that needed to be delivered to the head missionary who was working in the city that day. So, turn around we did, and we were headed back UP the mountain - another 15 minute ride.

**Now, I should point out that my incredible fear of heights that I had when I first got there; that paralyzing fear that I had of these "zippy" rides up and down the mountains that I had nightmares about before I even left for Jamaica - were gone by this point. I found these rides absolutely amazing on account of the view, the landscape: so what if there's a thousand foot drop only twelve inches from our bus's tires as we're flying down the mountain? Big deal! Seriously. God worked those fears out that week, let me tell you! God is so good!**

Anyway, so we picked up the package, and headed back down the mountain again. So we're half-way down, my friend and I are sight-seeing and enjoying the different views as we veer right, then left, down, and around, when we suddenly notice some commotion coming from the front of the bus. We're making our way into what looked like a little mountain town, when suddenly I hear our driver shout into his cell phone, "no, really- they're out. The breaks are completely gone. I'm not quite sure what we're going to do!"

Are you freaking kidding me?!

As he's saying this, mind you, we're coming up to a little bridge, and I'm having visions of that scene in the movie, "Beetlejuice", where they lose control of the car and wind up going over the side of the bridge - and DIE?!! (Yeah, leave it to my and my brain... lol) Well anyway, by none other than the miracle working power of the HAND OF GOD, we somehow manage to not hit the car that we should have totally plowed into, and stopped - a BUS with just the emergency break. THANK YOU JESUS.

Well so now we have to sit in the middle of this super scary little mountain town outside of Kingston where, only a half mile up the road, we passed a half-naked gentleman with dread-locks, holding up a machette, staring at us as we drove past. Marvelous. But again, God was watching out for us, and we wound up landing right in front of the town's police station. Surprisingly enough, though, that still didn't quite comfort me as much as I would have liked, because on the front porch of the police station, stood this scary dude that kept staring at me through the bus window and grinning. Eeeew. Luckily, we were totally outnumbered guys to girls on this trip, so there was security in that. And of course, the peace of God and His hand of protection, so we were all good. We just had to sit for a half-hour until Paul came to rescue us (unfortunately for us and our day of fun though, he had a bus-load of MAPS kids that were working at the other orphanage that he needed to drop off at the airport.)

So, after a few *ahem!* set-backs, we finally dropped everyone off, ate some lunch, and made it out to the docks where we would catch our boat to get ourselves out to Lime Cay for an afternoon of fun in the sun!

Helloooooo Lime Cay! Well... it didn't go as smoothly as we would have hoped. We got half-way there in the boat, only to: you guessed it... turn around and go back to pick up a few more people that apparently arrived right after we left. This was just... quite a day. But the wait was SO WORTH IT, as you can see, as the island was just beautiful. It was PERFECT.

We did a little swimming, snorkeling, lots of sunbathing, and had an all-around amazing afternoon!

The end of our day on the island came way too quickly...

... and we found ourselves packing up to catch a boat back to the docks before we knew it. Once we got back to the docks, we all got to rinse off, quickly dry off and change, and began our next journey through a very congested Kingston, to meet the missionaries for dinner at the finest restaurant in town (and this is no joke: this place was incredible! And it was, obviously, gated off, complete with little shops, a coffe house, and ice cream parlor. It was adoreable!)

These are the missionaries who hosted us for the week: an amazing couple: very sweet people, with incredible hearts for God.

The whole gang: celebrating our last night in Jamaica. The night was beautiful and still, balmy and tropical. We dined out on the lanai, and the ambiance was so relaxing: we enjoyed amazing food, incredible fellowship, and a lot of laughs.

After dinner, we enjoyed a variety of different ice creams and coffees out in the shop area, however, due to all of our little debacles throughout the day, found ourselves short on time. So we gathered together for a time of prayer, and shortly thereafter, headed back to the orphanage for the evening.

Once we arrived, we quickly settled in for a good night's sleep in anticipation for another long day of travel which awaited us in the morning.

Good night, Jamaica.

Day 6

2006-04-02T23:13:00.000-05:00

Today was a day of hard work, and yet, lots of reflection on the days past... the experiences... the memories that we'd hold in our hearts for years to come...

This is by far one of my favorite pictures from the trip...

...as well as this one.

Thursday was our last day of work, so we worked tirelessly to finish all the projects we started, and to make sure that everyone on the compound was taken care of before we left. I started out the day by helping to construct a new vanity for one of the temp. missionaries who was in desperate need of anything but the blob of rotton wood holding her bathroom sink up. However, as I was working on said project, I was suddenly pulled from my post and forced down the side of the mountain by all the guys (who all knew of my fear of heights by the way), to be the second to last person in line to recieve the concrete to finish up making the stairs.

Let me tell you: I have never worked so hard in my entire life!!! I thought my heart was going to come flying out of my chest at any given moment! I don't know how you guys do it, but I think I learned that day, that unless I am in top physical condition, that I will not be doing that again any time soon. OW! But no matter how taxing on my body it was, it doesn't change the fact that it was still very rewarding, and kind of fun! (Now, ask the guys who worked on it all week how fun it was, and they may not agree with me!)

The room that we gutted on day 1 had the finishing touches put on it, because the new missionaries were to fly in that evening. Unfortunately, I don't have an "after picture", but it looked great!

In the afternoon, I helped with the vanity a little more; and only feet from where we were working, the boys were entertaining themselves outside thier dorm with a little game of swords before VBS.

My friends.

We made bracelets with the older kids for VBS today, which was much less hectic. They were able to weave words like "faith", "Jesus", and "WWJD", and they seemed to have a great time learning how to put these together! I made one that says, "Jamaica". I wear it everyday.

Love these girls. Natalee is the one on the left, and Oshane is on the right. Natalee is just drop-dead gorgeous. She's eleven years old (one of the oldest in the orphanage), and as you can see, takes her role with the other children very seriously. She has a sweetness and a softness about her that is just such a blessing to see, and I never heard her speak one harsh word to anyone while I was there. She's so precious. And Oshane. hahaha This little girl is smart and has such a curious little personality. She craves love, attention, and the spot light: if even just a little bit. This one will definitely be a doctor, or a pastor: no matter what though, she's definitely going far someday.

Scrabble was the game of choice for a few of us tonight, and my goofy little friend Lindsay of course had to put her own little twist on things, and lay down the word, "butty". When asked to use it in a sentence, she simply said, "When I walked into the room, it smelled butty". How can you say no to that?! hahaha So, she was given points for creativity.

Believe it or not, we are grown-ups. Really. But we just had to do this - it was huge! So, we were simply scaling our roach-friend with scrabble tiles to demonstrate it's enormity.

And this little guy is just one of many who would camp out outside our bedroom doors and windows at night. They're fast and "squiggly": so when a few of the guys had one in thier room one night, it was hilarious trying to watch them catch it: they move so fast!! It's on account of these little monsters that we can't sleep with our windows open - because they'd march right in and sleep with us!

After we tortured our roach friend, and blinded our "leezard" friend (as we so affectionately called them), we headed off to bed in anticipation for our "free day" at "Lime Cay": an island off the coast of Kingston, where we would spend the day swimming, snorkeling, sun-bathing, and doing a whole lot of nothing: or so we thought...

Day 5

2006-03-30T23:24:00.000-06:00

Wednesday was great for so many reasons, but the greatest part of this day for me, didn't come until the evening. But I'll leave you in suspense until I'm done telling the rest of the story. Don't worry... I'll make it quick.

Duties were changed up a bit because the needs for the different projects required different skill sets: and because I was whining all week about wanting to help on the stairs, I got exactly what I wanted. I helped haul concrete pretty much all morning: and let me tell you how NOT easy it was! On this day, all I had to do was haul two buckets back and forth from the concrete pile, to the top of the mountain where the guys were waiting in an assembly line to pass them down to the bottom to be poured into the wood forms. For some reason, I had no earthly idea of how hard this really was going to be, and so once I got going, I couldn't very well tell them that I quit! I demanded that I get to play too! So, play I did, for two hours or so: back and forth... back and forth... and because my pastor is such a grown up, (got nothin' but love for ya' brother!) he thought it would be funny to launch, whip, hurl, and spin the "empty" concrete buckets back up to me and watch in pure delight as I would be splattered here and there with the grey stuff. Gotta love boys. They're so... funny.

Anyway, lunch came and went, and I was just DOG TIRED after my little experience, and so I helped Tom do some wiring down by the new chicken coupe for the afternoon until VBS rolled around.

The kids had a field day making bookmarks out of construction paper, stickers, and packing tape. I've never seen so many stickers on so many faces in my whole life. These kids are just hilarious! My little friends Tiffany (who loved me from the minute she met me on Sunday, because our names are so similar) and "Princess" Fiona, pictured here:

...were just being so naughty. But they are just so stinkin' funny! I couldn't get over these kids! The more time we spent with them, the more and more I fell in love with them all!

But anyway, yes. Stickers on faces, stickers on tables, stickers all OVER the place, lots of laughter, and a whirlwind of children everywhere, and they were gone. That's how VBS went each and everyday. They were there, and then they were gone... and we were left dumbfounded by all the commotion!

We settled into our afternoon, got showered up and prettied up:

...ate dinner and waited for Wednesday night service to start.

Service was amazing! First, a few of the girls did a worship dance for us (well, for God, but we got to watch, and it was beautiful), and then we went into some good old fashioned Jamaican worship. Wow, was that cool! All they had was a tambourine, a hand-held bongo drum, and a girl with a microphone, and they went to TOWN!! The kids, as you can see, get right into it and they just dance before the Lord, and thoroughly enjoy themselves; and they even got a few from our team to participate!

The blurry one on the right hand side jumping up and down is our pastor, getting right in there with the kids. (He fits in so well, doesn't he? ;) Anyway, this worship was unique in so many ways, and was just SO much fun to be a part of!

A little while later, Jess, a temporary missionary on staff (and the resident coffee-guy), got up there with his guitar and led worship with a few contemporary songs that we were all familiar with. Of course, here too, the tears began to fall, not only because seeing those children in such a true moment of worship with thier heavenly Father was such a joy for me: but also because you could just feel His presence all over that place. There is such an undenyable annointing over that place, those people, and that ministry, that God seems to be everywhere all the time at that orphanage. And when we were praising and worshipping Him: well truth be told, I didn't want to be anywhere else in the whole entire world in that very moment.

That night was just so precious to my heart, and is an experience that I will always cherish. God taught so much to my spirit that night through what I saw, what I felt, and what I heard.

Our pastor and his wife were available at the altar call to pray for the children: and according to the Becky, the p.w., almost every child asked for prayer for thier parents: that they might see them again, and that God would take care of them. But one prayer request struck me to the core: "please let me have a good dream about my parents tonight". It still brings tears to my eyes. Those poor babies. Thier hearts are so beautiful and full of life and God: but only because they were given a chance by God through this ministry. But no matter where they are in thier experience at The City of Refuge, and thier walks with God, they still have deep-seeded hurts and struggles that they deal with: and I pray for them everyday that the Lord would heal thier precious little hearts.

After service was over, we were apparently having fun with licorice:

...and my camera. This is me and my little friend Lindsay. (This girl is a riot: she had me rollin' all week!) I proudly call this type of photograph a "selfie", and introduced it to the rest of the team. As you can see, I am a pro at the "selfie": centering the camera with just one hand, and assuring an oh-so-flattering angle for the people involved.

So along with my stellar picture-taking abilities, we again enjoyed games, games, and more games. Some coffee and more games. Oh yeah: and some laughs, and coffee.

Good night, Jamaica.

Day 4

2006-03-29T09:31:00.000-06:00

First of all, I should start off by saying this: I believe that I failed to mention a key point in my story that really impacts my version of what went on in Jamaica two weeks ago. As I mentioned yesterday, I really felt like God was trying to stretch me physically on this trip. The guys, however, apparently had a different view of me. They nicknamed me "diva", or "D". From day one. I'm not quite sure where they got that impression: it could have had something to do with how I present myself at church, or that I sing, or... maybe it came from me painting my toenails in the airport as we were waiting for our flight to leave? Well, either way, they had it set in thier minds that I was a "diva", and I even aquired the nickname "Heidi", as in, "Come on, Heidi!" as I was chipping tile off the wall on Monday. If you're confused, it's okay. I was too. But either way, I spent the rest of the week, proving myself to be neither a "diva" OR a "Heidi" (whatever that means!).

So anyway, day two required a bit more physical effort than day one did: and not because we did anything more physically taxing, rather, I think that I was so excited to dig into all the work the day before that I kind of over-did it, so I was dragging quite a bit for day two of work. The other thing I failed to mention about this experience was the stairs. The stairs. Oh the staaaaiiiirs!!! Well okay. Let me give you a visual first. These are the dorms where the kids live....

Well... they're where the older girls live. The green house right behind that is where the toddlers and infants stay, and the boys are on the very west end of the compound which you'll see at a later date. So, to get from the lodge to the dorms, you have to climb down a couple of flights of stairs...

... and that's not even all of them. That's just to get from the lodge to the dorms. To get from the dorms to where we worked for the majority of the week, was another... three flights or so? I was so excited to be there and be working, and seeing the kids and everything on Monday, that I probably ran up and down the 150-some stairs about fifteen+ times. So as you can imagine, I was drained on Tuesday. It wasn't pretty.

This is the missionaries' house (aka the directors of the orphanage), which is another flight of stairs down from the dorms. The beautiful wooden balconies were constructed last year by our church's team which were just beautifully done. The actually view from the balconies are just breathtaking. You can see the whole mountain range, all of Kingston, and the ocean. It's just gorgeous!

Okay well, so the work (which is the whole reason we were there), went really well. My main project for the day was to help Dean (pictured here) make a door for the new coffee storage facility. It had to be made out of Maho (sp?) wood, it had to be two inches thick, and very sturdy. Well, the catch was that we had to take raw wood and make the pieces into the planks that you see us working with there. So, we had to run them though the table saw to get straight edges, and then run them through the planer over, and over, and over again, until they were smooth on both sides. Then, they were suitable for use. It literally took all day just to get them to this point, at which time, we drilled holes, pounded in some dowels (sp? - I'm obviously not a carpenter seeing as I can't spell any of the technical words associated with the work), glued them together, and clamped it together piece by piece and allowed them to dry. I was so excited to be a part of this process, because I learned so many new things that day!

A few of the other guys spent the day forming the stairs from the director's house down to the new coffee facility, and pouring concrete. Here's another one for you: up there in "mountain-ville", they don't have concrete trucks, so what they do is they mix stone, sand, and concrete mix with water in a pile in the middle of the dirt road on the compound, and tranfer it down the side of the mountain in buckets as you see the guys doing here. Believe it or not, my goofy self wanted to partake in this tedious process, but didn't have a chance to on this particular day. It would be days five and six that I would torture myself by becomming one of the guys and hauling concrete with them.

These are the stairs that they worked on. This was the very preliminary stage of the stairs. By the time we left, they were close to completion: which is hard to believe, seeing as there were really only 3 guys from our team working on them at all times, 5 to 6 of us when they needed extra help, and only four days of actual work. Of course we had the local grounds-keepers and construction guys helping, but I'm still amazed at how much got done while we were there!

So on this day, the clouds rolled in rather unexpectedly mid-day, and the rain came pouring down unlike anything I had ever seen! I don't know if it was because we were in the middle of the clouds or what, but the raindrops were absolutely gi-normous!!

We had our first day of VBS with the kids that day, but I missed the majority of it, because I was busy helping get all the coffee back in the bags as the rain came pouring down: and I was in such a desperate need of a shower, that I chose water and cleanliness over time with the kids (I know: bad missionary girl!). But the other girls picked up the slack and helped the kids make foam crosses with glitter paint and words like faith, and believe: so cute! Me and my clean self came in on the very tail end of things, and it was a complete madhouse in there: but it seemed like the kids had a great time, and they just loved to be able to spend time with us.

The rest of the evening played out like every other night there. We enjoyed dinner together, and settled in for yet another night of games. I captured a few amazing sunsets, one of which I thought I'd share with you today...

My pastor and his wife. Awwwwwwwww! I love this picture. The sunsets there are awesome and can never be done justice on film. But I really liked this one. Anyway.. games, laughs, and lots of fun consumed our evening once again, and shortly thereafter it was off to bed to prepare for yet again another day of hard, but very rewarding work.

Day 3

2006-03-28T10:41:00.000-06:00

It was another beautiful morning in Jamaica, and as I walked up the stairs to the lodge before breakfast, I caught this sight and just had to capture it on film.

If you look closely, you can see Kingston in the background.

This was day one of actual work, so after breakfast and devotions, we quickly divied up jobs and got to work. Tom (pictured above) was our resident electrician for the week, so he basically wired up all areas that were untouched by electricity on the complex. So this is Tom getting started on some electrical work in the director's office.

A new missionary was on his way in on Thursday, so Monday we worked on turning this kitchen into a bedroom for his daughter. (There were two kitchens in this particular unit: not quite sure why...) So this was the beginning stages of demolition on this room. I got to chip that tile off the wall that you see there behind the guys, and that was real fun!

This is all the junk that we pulled out of the kitchen. I should make it a point to say that once we did start working on Monday, I quickly realized that any desire to paint or clean anything was totally and completely absent from me. I found myself just really wanting to get my hands dirty and do as much "guy" work as I could! This told me that God wanted to stretch me physically while I was there as well as spiritually and emotionally: and stretch me He did! He started with having me help pull apart this kitchen. Fun, fun! A different group of guys got started working on a new set of concrete stairs on the other end of the compound that would lead from the missionaries' house down to the NEW coffee storage facility.

Since the orphanage is located in the heart of the Blue Mountains where they make the worlds.best.coffee.ever!!, (have I already mentioned this before?) they grow and roast it right on site (privately at this point) to help fund the ministry. So I learned a little bit more about my favorite beverage while I was there, and that being that the beans after having been picked, need to be dried out like this every day for about two and a half months before they are ready to be roasted. So everyday they lug about thirty or so (maybe more) HUGE burlap bags filled with these "green beans", down to this cement slab where they lay them out to dry for about 5-6 hours a day. Then, they bag them back up and store them until the next day! It's a very interesting process! Anyway, this NEW coffee storage facility will enable them to store AND dry the coffee all in the same area, so there will be no transporting the beans back and forth (which is a TON of work) until they are ready to be roasted.

At the end of this particular day, I helped helped to haul the beans back in, and rode in the truck with these bowls of beans in my lap. The other bin was what we took from to satisfy our coffee addictions while we were there.

Showers were a treat after all that hard work, cold water and all (we were not privy to many hot showers while we were there). Unfortunately, our water supply did run out temporarily (the pump was on the fritz the whole time we were there), but only for a short time -thank God - because I think that after our first day of hard work - we ALL needed one!

It quickly became common practice for us to assemble ourselves at the dining table in the lodge at the end of every day and challenge one another to Phase 10, Dominos, Scrabble, etc. I wish I could say I won even ONE game while I was there, but alas, I didn't. But you bet that I'll be on TOP of my game once our reunion night rolls around! (Evil laughter ensues!)

These times were especially fun for me because I got a chance to get to know everyone so much better! You really get to see people's true character when they're in a spirit of competition: and if you knew everyone, I could tell you so many funny stories about them all, but you don't so I'll spare you. Just know that those nine people made me laugh harder than I have laughed in a really long time. Our game nights were a blast!

It was another early night for everyone, as it seemed that no one was really sleeping all that well since we had arrived there. There's something about the altitude change, or being in a different country, or working harder than your body is generally used to: but something was keeping us all from getting quality sleep. Tylenol PM quickly becomes a staple on missions trips from what I hear, and rightfully so. But at any rate, day 3 of our trip, and day 1 of work came to a close, and we were all lulled to sleep, yet again, by the sound of crickets chirping outside our windows.

I Interrupt This Program...

2006-03-27T21:16:00.000-06:00

...to tell you that blogger is not doing what I want it to do. I was planning on writing the third installment of my Jamaica 2006 saga tonight, but to my chagrin, I can't seem to upload any photos to illustrate my points. So! I will do my best to get Day 3 posted as soon as possible.

In the meantime, I would like to give a warm welcome to all of my new readers (you know who you are), and invite you to comment freely as you read along over the next few days (and even beyond that if you find my diva-esque site even remotely amusing apart from my Jamaica tales). So take a load off, stay awhile, and say hello!

On the homefront, I've finally readjusted to life in the big writhing metropolis that is Milwaukee. It really is a strange transition coming back from a missions trip: you make these wonderful friendships with people while you're there that you might otherwise have never had the opportunity to get to know, yet once you get back, everyone has to get back into their daily routine and you're just kind of jerked back into reality. And, let me tell you how wierd it was for me to not wake up to ten people everyone morning for the first few days after I was back home. I'm a social butterfly and love being around people, so that was just a not-so-fun adjustment for me when I returned.

But the biggest reality check for me was the fact that I didn't get to see those kids everyday: my daily routine suddenly seemed so mundane and rather pointless. I was no longer doing things to benefit the orphanage and working with the kids and paying them the attention they so desperately crave. I was all of a sudden just being me in my everyday life again: and that's a hard adjustment to make.

But I thank God every day for the lessons He taught me, and the way He revealed so many truths to my heart that I did not even know existed, or would have otherwise chosen to continue to ignore if it weren't for this experience. I love my God because He is just so faithful - even in the struggles. He teaches me every single day: in my quiet times, and even through the chaos inside my mind. He's there - molding me, shaping me, and preparing me for something greater that, I'm not even close to being sure of yet. But I know it's there, because he promised me this glorious future, so I know it's in His plan. I just have to trust Him even through that chaos and uncertainty. I know He'll come through - He's done it before, and He'll do it again!

On a completely unrelated note, I just wanted to all let you know that I am officially an auntie for the very first time ever! How is that possible when I'm an only child, you ask? Well, one of my very besest friends in the whole wide world just gave birth to an 8lb., 11oz. baby boy this morning at 6:30am. His name is Jackson, and he's absolutely beautiful, and precious, and has already stolen my heart. I got to see him tonight, and he is just the sweetest thing ever!!! I'm officially in love. My very first nephew: how fun!

Anyway, congratulations guys, and thanks for making me an auntie!!

Day 2

2006-03-24T11:49:00.000-06:00

Sunday was a really calm day. We observed the Sabbath day, and rested after our long, long trip, so we were able to wake up a little later than what would become the norm for the the rest of the week. The orphanage that we worked at used to be a hotel, so we actually slept in an old motel on the top of a mountain overlooking the most amazing sight I had EVER seen.

So these are the motel rooms we stayed in, and the view out the front door when I woke up on Sunday morning looked exactly like this...

...and this.

This is the veranda on which we ate breakfast and did devotions every morning.

And this is the view from the veranda which is actually a newer addition to the lodge / dining area which is the highest point on the complex. I LOVED mornings there, because I'd perch upon the very picnic table from which this picture was taken, and sit at the very opposite edge overlooking the mountain range, all while reading my Bible. Every morning. I truly miss the peace that came with the mornings there.

This was a great place to do devotions as well (around the back of our motel rooms), although another guy on the trip claimed it as "his spot" from last year. I let him have it. ;) But I did get to hang out there on the first morning, and it is a simply incredible view. Very peaceful as well.

Sunday was extremely laid back. After breakfast and a good first dose of the amazing Blue Mountain coffee, we were able to walk around the complex a bit and look around until 10am which is when the kids worship service took place. Just being in the presence of these Godly little children who can pray and worship with more heart and fervency than most adults that I know, was an even greater blessing than I can begin to describe. It came to be a well-known fact, (and kind of a joke among my fellow travel-mates) that I am a cryer. So it was only natural that while in the midst of this service, feeling God, feeling the prayers of these small, yet, spiritually powerful children, I was in tears. So very many tears.

Afterward, we had an adult service and had our morning devotional, enjoyed an authentic Jamaican lunch, and had our afternoon free to do with it what we pleased.

We as a group decided to put our hiking shoes on and take a trek a little ways down the mountain to check out the retaining wall that our church's team worked so very hard on last year. The hike was just breathtaking, what with all the tropical flowers, native to that area, the landscape, etc. I really enjoyed getting out there and working up a sweat, being in the tropical sun, enjoying God's creation. It was incredible.

After our walk, we all headed back up to the west side of the lodge, each found a spot in the sun, and soaked it up for a couple of hours while talking and getting to know one another a bit better. Dinner came soon afterward, and then a prayer session with the staff and our missions team. As the evening wore on, some cool weather greeted us: I couldn't believe it, but as we played cards and drank some more world-famous Blue Mountain coffee after prayer time, I was in capris and a long-sleeved shirt! In Jamaica! But truly, in the mountains, it's hot during the day, and chilly at night. It was great sleeping weather though!

As the night drew to a close, we decided to continue our Phase 10 game the following evening, as we were all still a bit jet-lagged and ready for another good night's sleep. We all said our "goodnights", and headed off to our respective rooms. The walls were uncomfortably thin, and we could all hear each other as we settled in: but as we all quieted down, all that was left was the sound of dogs howling and crickets chirping through the un-screened windows.

Good night, Jamaica.

Let The Adventure Begin!

2006-03-23T16:16:00.000-06:00

Day one was... interesting. I don't think I've EVER traveled so much in one day in my ENTIRE LIFE. We met at the church at 12am Saturday morning: we prayed, packed up, and headed to O'Hare International Airport where we proceeded to wait for three hours until our flight left at 6am for Fort Lauderdale Florida. Our plane took an extra 45 minutes to get off the ground due to "paperwork problems", and we barely made our connecting flight to Montego Bay, Jamaica.

Once we got into Jamaica, we soon realized (as we had been told before we left), that everything with the locals is an "event" and not an issue of time. We wound up waiting for three hours for our ride to show up, and this is what the waiting looked like:

We had to stick very close to all of our stuff, because as you can see, along with our personal luggage, we had a ton of gifts for the orphanage that we stayed at for the week. We were able to get lunch in shifts, and some of us chose to enjoy the hot sun while we waited. We were even seranaded as we in the meantime by a local who sang "Don't worry.. about a thing... cause every little thing... is gonna be alright!" So fun!

Once our bus arrived at 4pm, we all piled in and headed on a four hour trek from Montego Bay to the mountains of Kingston.

On the road, we passed countless "markets" like the one pictured above, and "bars" like the one shown below.

I absolutely could NOT believe how they lived: the things I saw just passing through on the first day, reminded me of a scene straight out of a World Vision commercial. There are no words to really express how I felt that particular day. I do know for sure that I was in shock on account of what I saw: but what amazed me even more was that right around the corner of many of these poverty-stricken areas, would be five-star, gated resort communities just bustling with life and wealth. I just couldn't believe it.

We stopped in at a resort in "Ocho" (Ocho Rios) on the way to Kingston to pick up a couple of temporary missionaries from the orphanage. They had come into the city with another group who had just wrapped up a week at the same place that we were headed, and were enjoying thier free day in the Dunn's River Falls area. This is a picture of our group (all ten of us!), as we were hanging out
waiting for the missionaries to say thier goodbyes.

The rest of our Saturday consisted of driving, driving, and more driving all around the island (through the "fern gully" in the mountains which was really cool) , and dinner at Wendy's in Kingston (yes, they have next to nothing in life, but gosh darnit! They have a Wendy's!). On the way up the mountain, we stopped in a creepy little town which was bustling with people, and were left alone while our bus driver headed into a gas station. While we were waiting, many unexpectedly nice locals would pop thier head into our bus just to say "hey mon!" (Can you just IMAGINE my nerves? We're in the dark, in the middle of one of the most dangerous cities in the WORLD, and we have random MEN coming into our bus just to say "hi". Talk about God testing me! Whew!) So anyway, at one point, one of these nice gentlemen popped in with a handful of cd's, and asked, "Hey mon! You want some music to rock your head?"

That became the first of many quotes for our week in Jamaica. "To 'rock your head'"? How could it NOT be?

We arrived at the "City of Refuge" on top of one of the peaks in the Blue Mountains, at 10pm; at which point, we had all been up well over 36 hours and wanted nothing more than to just.pass.out. And that's what we did. But not before we took a walk around the compound to check the place out. It was pitch dark out and I could barely see a thing, but from what I could see, it was going to be an AMAZING week...

One of My Favorite Pictures

2006-03-21T17:42:00.000-06:00

This picture was taken from my favorite spot on the whole compound: here you're seeing a bird's eye view of the new coffee house where they'll be storing the world-famous Blue Mountain Coffee that they grow right on site in an extra effort to fund the orphanage. On this particular day, it had just rained, and the clouds were rolling out of the mountains. Breathtaking, isn't it?

I haven't quite put my thoughts together yet: I'm really having a hard time adjusting to being home. Post-missions-trip-blues, or something. I really miss it there. But I do plan on giving you a day-to-day account, including pictures, of all the amazing things that I experienced while I was there. Please keep checking back, as I will be getting it up very soon.

Hope you're all having a great week!

Did Ya' Miss Me?

2006-03-20T15:48:00.000-06:00

Hi everyone! I'm home as you can see, after a long week of hard and rewarding work. I have so much that I want to share with you all, but I don't quite have the words right now, because I'm trying to process it all in my head first. I think once I get my pictures uploaded, it will be a bit easier to share with you some of the things I experienced while I was there. So for now, just know that I'm back, I'm processing, and I'll share real soon!

Hope you all had a great week, and I missed you bunches!

I'm Outta Here!

2006-03-10T22:29:00.000-06:00

Okay... thought I was going to post some "deep thoughts" before I left, but my devotion in Jamaica is going to be thought through on the way there: it will be a "fly by the seat of my pants and totally trust God" kind of devotion. Eeek!

I'm leaving my roommate in charge of my blog, so I am not responsible for anything she says while I'm gone. Just know that no matter what she says, deep, deep, deep deep deep down on the inside: she loves me!

Have a great week friends, and I'll talk to y'all later!

I'm OUT!

It's Almost HERE!!!

2006-03-09T23:38:00.000-06:00

My trip is right around the corner people!! I'm so excited!!!

I really just wanted to thank you all once again for your support and prayers as I prepare for this trip. Being that this is my first missions trip, it really is a huge deal to me: so if it seems that I've been making a mountain out of a molehill - well, I feel it's justified. Just this once anyway. ;) But truly, friends, I've felt your prayers from afar, and I just know that mighty things will happen in Jamaica on account of them!

Also, I was just recently asked to come up with a devotion and share it with the team one morning while we're there: and of COURSE it's going to be created and shared first here - in blogland! So keep checking back today: I'll definitely have something more for you.

I Was Absolutely Mesmerized...

2006-03-06T23:33:00.000-06:00

I was incredibly blessed by some friends this weekend, who, knowing that I'm a gospel fanatic, took me to see Kirk Franklin - L.I.V.E. at the Milwaukee theatre this past Sunday night.

Two words.

INCREDIBLE!

BREATH-TAKING!!

Okay, so maybe that's three words. Whatever. Anyway, I have been a fan of his since I was in my teens when "Stomp" first came out on mainstream radio. Ever since then, I've wanted to sing with Kirk Franklin's group: even before I even knew Christ as my savior. At that point, it was just about the music (although I know that was God's way of tugging at my heart, but that's another subject entirely). Anyway, I was absolutely blown away by Kirk Franklin and his group's performance Sunday night, just as I thought I would be. I was in my own personal heaven, and I keep going back to it in my mind, reliving all the amazing musical and spiritual moments that I experienced that night.

This was also my first major Christian concert, so as I looked around me in that theatre of at least two thousand people, if not more, I realized that they were all there to celebrate GOD: and that blew me away even more than the music. And Kirk busted out with the salvation message right in the middle of his concert! I LOVED it!!

The whole night was incredibly priceless, and I think I'm going to have to become a groupie, because I absolutely HAVE to see them in concert again. Music does crazy things to me, (as you can see by my incessant rambling) especially gospel - and I don't even know how I fell into such a deep love for that style of music in the first place. But let me tell you: nothing, and I mean nothing compares to the blend of voices, the harmonies, and the musical flow that good gospel delivers. And to top it all off: the annointing that seems to rain down upon gospel music is just amazing. There's just nothing quite like it.

So anyway, I had an absolute blast Sunday night, and just wanted to share a little bit of a different side of myself with you all. Oh, and to hear what exactly it is that has me wound up like the energizer bunny, click here, and watch thier new video, "Looking For You". They closed the show with it last night, and it was just incredible! I promise you, you won't be disappointed!

**So Kirk, if you're out there, and you're reading this, pick me: let me sing with you. I promise you: I have rhythm, and I most definitely have soul. But more importantly, I have a love for my Savior, and I strongly believe in your ministry of sharing the gospel through song. I'll work hard and I'll sing until my vocals give out. I don't care. Just give me a shot. I would be forever grateful for the opportunity!**

Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?

Thank You Edoo!

2006-03-06T00:51:00.001-06:00

Eddo of Posted Note did such a Be-A-Utiful job on my blog, that I just had to give him some serious props for all of his hard work and creativity.

So let me be the first to say, "Fabulous job Eddo! I love it I love it I love it!"

To everyone else: stop by his site, say "hi", and tell him what a brilliant job he did creating my new look. (And maybe you can find a new look for yourself in the process!)

I'm Blessed

2006-03-03T10:45:00.000-06:00

Things have been going very well lately. I have kept all of you as posted as I could throughout it all, but due to my hectic schedule, I'm finding it harder and harder to keep up in blogland these days.

My little cleaning business is taking off: through references alone, I'm getting enough business to almost be able to make it on my own. My goal: by the time I get back from Jamaica, I'll be completely self-employed. Yay!

Jamaica is coming up fast, and I'm trying to get everything done: paperwork, packing, working out, tanning (don't laugh: I burn really easy), praying, etc... Lots and lots of stuff to get done! I've traveled quite a bit, and I don't remember the last trip I took that required this much preparation time and energy! But, I know it's going to be so worth it once I get down there. Please keep me and our team in your prayers as we prepare to head down there and work with the children. I'm starting to feel God's prompting and direction for myself and others to pray for this trip unlike anything I've experienced. I'm gaining a greater understanding of the impact of prayer through preparation for this trip alone: so I'm excited to see what other amazing lessons I'll learn once I actually get there!

Otherwise, I'm blessed! I'm taking things day by day lately and just trying to piece together my life as I go. God's great plan for me is being revealed slowly over time, and I'll continue to keep you posted as I go.

Change

2006-02-27T21:53:00.000-06:00

What do you do when... you just don't know? You don't know where you're going to live once your lease is up. You're not even sure that you will stay in the same zip code, let alone the same state! You might be looking to enroll in school, but you have no idea where to begin looking. You might be totally jobless, wondering what your next step is. Whatever the situation, it boils down to a lack of direction.

You just don't know.

Bummer!

Because really, who likes to be without direction? Certainly not moi! I need a Plan. With a capital "P" thank you very much! I need to know things in order to be comfortable with my future!

Putting the breaks on right here!

First of all, do we ever know what the future holds? All you people with the five and ten year plans out there (not that there's anything wrong with that): are you certain that you can attain those goals simply by your own doing? (I really hope your answer is no by the way!) If you said "yes" to that question, then one can only assume that you are anticipating that NOTHING will be getting in between you and your final destination. One could only assume that you don't expect to meet the man or woman of your dreams and marry (supposing that you're single of course), or that you don't plan on an *unexpected* pregnancy, or you don't expect to walk through an intersection two years from now, and God forbid, come face to face with a Mack truck. You don't know what's going to happen to you!!! I am going to also assume then, by the way, just because this is my blog and I can, that you are also not, and I repeat NOT letting God have control of your life. Reminds me of a song...

"JESUS take the wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel!"

So as I was saying, I need a Plan with a capital "P". But as I think I pointed out, plans are only good so long as you allow plenty of wiggle room for unexpected change. But what if we don't plan on something that could happen to us, rather we plan on something that happens by God's hand?

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;"

Proverbs 3:5. Love that verse. But there's a bit more:

"in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:6. Okay so let me get this straight. I have to:

a. Trust in the Lord
b. Lean not on my own understanding (that's a REALLY tough one by the way!)
c. ACKNOWLEDGE HIM in all my ways (yeesh! Can I really do that?!)

That sounds like a lot, but that's... very little if you look at the list. That's only three things that I need to work on in this area in order to have a straight path, a prosperous life, a right relationship with Him.

I want those things, don't you?

I'm certainly not saying that it's easy! But really, what's the point of worry anyway? Why worry about this future of ours that we have no control over in the first place? Should we make plans? Well of course! But all the while being prayerful and seeking God's will for each and every step of your life. That is important. To acknowledge Him, to seek Him in all your ways, in order to keep a straight path (to be in line with God's will for your life). You can't go wrong!

So anyway: worry. Pointless! Really, it is. I know, because I'm the Queen. ("All hail, Queen of Worry!) Worry is pointless, and it's a sin! If you're worrying, it means that you, in fact, are not leaving your problems in God's hands to handle, you're trying to figure it out on your own, and by that, you are basically telling God he is INCAPABLE of handling your puny problem. (Puny in the sense of how big and massive HE is, and how tiny YOU are.)

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).

So are you sensing a trend here? Because I am! This is not only plainly acknowledging the actual condition of anxiety, but it's also telling us that we have no business worrying about anything! We're in the business of prayer and petition, people! If we build our "business", we will see the fruits of our "labor": guarded hearts, guarded minds, the *ahem!* Peace of God...? I sure as heck want the Peace of God in my life, because then I will be trusting in Him, knowing that He will make my path straight (He will provide that glorious future that we all so hopefully refer back to in Jeremiah 29:11), and I will be resting in Him peacefully, not worrying, because I'll know that my future is solid through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.

Now I know one person in particular who is going to stomp her foot while reading this, and then later, tell me that she already knew all of this stuff, but still needed to hear it. To her, I say this:

ME TOO!!!

Which is why I wrote it! I don't think there is a single one of us Christians that doesn't in thier heart of hearts know this stuff. But that is why we are to be in the Word every day. That's why we are to be in prayer every day. It's because we always need to be reminded. And God likes to be reminded too: only because He, in turn, is reminding you through prayer: He does that a lot. He requires us to do things: expects us to do certain things that we may deem to be "unfair" or "pointless", but He's saying, "It's all for your benefit, my children. It's not for Me: it's for You."

Anyway, while my changes have been wonderful, exciting, new, fresh, and blessed: I have a couple of big life decisions to make in the upcoming months that I am *stressing* and *worrying* about. So believe me when I say, that this post was as much for me as it was for you who are reading it.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).

So keep that with you today. Trust in our Lord. He will keep your path straight.

What Are You Praying For?

2006-02-20T16:14:00.000-06:00

I just want to thank you all again for all your love, support and prayers during this time of great change in my life. God is doing an awesome work in me right now, and I know that your prayers are helping to see me through to each and every victory.

So tell me friends: what is it that I can pray for you about? I have just been so blessed by your prayers, and I'd like to return the blessing. This is your time: any and all prayer requests will be logged into my prayer journal and become a daily petition of mine on your behalf.

No request is too great - or too small. So please: tell me what your needs are. I'd love nothing more than to intercede for you!

I hope you all are having a great week!

Donations

2006-02-16T13:50:00.003-06:00

A huge thank you to those of you who expressed an interest in donating to my missions trip to Jamaica. I believe that I've properly set up a paypal account (per one reader's request), in order to make the process easier.

I think all you need to do is click on the link above, and it will guide you in your donation process. If you have any troubles, please email me so that I know my system needs to be tweaked. When I get a little time later today, I'm going to move this over to the sidebar of my blog: but I just wanted it here for now so you could see that the option was there if you were interested.

A big thank you to everyone for the supportive and encouraging words and prayers: I appreciate it like you'll never know!

God bless you all and have a wonderful day friends!

***ATTENTION!!!***

For those of you who may have an *AHEM!* unspecified THING against Paypal, and yet are still interested in donating to my trip, please email me at anie4him28@yahoo.com. I'll make sure to send you my church's address so you can donate directly (and it's tax deductible!).

I'm Going to Serve In Jamaica!

2006-02-12T21:16:00.000-06:00

God did it again! Is there no limit to what He can do?!

(Okay, don't answer that! lol)

I've been praying for over a year now about missions. I've wanted to get moving on some short term trips to get my feet wet in the field: to see if it's really for me. So when missions month came around last year at our church, I became extremely inspired and decided that by that time this year, I'd be ready to go. I particularly wanted to go to Jamaica: I thought it would be an easier trip, therefore a great way to get started in the mission field.

Well here I am, one year later, and missions month is in full effect all around me. Up until today, I had been getting extremely discouraged because I was sure I'd have to wait until next year to be able to go: seeing that when I did have a job, I didn't have any vacation time coming up, and now, I just recently lost a job and didn't feel that it would work out.

So I got to talking to a couple of the pastors this morning in front of the missions booth that was set up in the foyer, telling them that I was interested in going on a trip at some point down the road. Well! Wouldn't you know it?! There's one spot left on the trip to Jamaica in... a few weeks-ish! Well, the rational, logical side of me wanted to kick in to high gear, and so of course the wheels started spinning right away: "You just lost your job! You don't have the money! You can't afford the time off! You don't have any time to raise money!"

But as all of these things were racing through my head, I started to get the Holy Ghost shivers, and I just knew right then and there that I HAD to go. However, just to be safe, I stated loud and clear that I would pray about it and get back to them in the morning: they told me that they're so glad that I'm on board and they'll email me the paperwork to get me started.

I only said I'd pray about it!!

Apparently they didn't buy it.

So, by night service tonight, I made the commitment, and just finished printing out all my paperwork.

I even recieved my first love offering in the amount of 100 dollars already! There is another person from my church that has already pledged an offering as well: but I'm not sure how much at this point.

So, as it stands, I have 1,000 dollars to go yet.

Yeesh!

But I'm trusting that God will provide a way for me financially: because I know in my heart that this is where He wants me right now. So I'm just "going where He wants me to go, and doing what He wants me to do"! It's kind of scary, but surprisingly peaceful at the same time. But as my pastor who's also going said, "But it's a good scary! It keeps you on your toes and excited about what you're doing!" I love that God can do that!

So once again, God showed His face in a mighty way in my life: He's just so amazing, isn't He?

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I have one request to you, my wonderful blogger friends: please keep me in your prayers about this. Please pray that He'll provide for me, calm any fears that I may have, and use me in mighty ways once I'm there. And while in prayer, if you feel that God is leading you to make a love offering yourself to help fund my trip, I would be incredibly blessed by it! And if you in fact, feel lead to make an offering, you can email me and I'll make sure to get you all the necessary information.

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Have a blessed week everyone!

And You Were There... And You! You Were There Too!

2006-02-09T09:13:00.000-06:00

I had a dream last night: I don't remember what, where, how, or... what, but what I do know, is that I had a dream, and a few of you were in it. Katie of Kpinion, Eddo of Posted Note, Steve of Following God's Will, and Ben of Married In Minnesoooooota were all there. There very well may have been more of you there, but I just don't remember. All I know, is that I woke up remembering that these four in particular were in my dream. Again, don't ask me what, why, or how: I don't have a plot for you. We weren't re-enacting scenes from "The Matrix", and we weren't discovering mystical lands like the kids in "The Chronicles of Narnia". I'm really not sure of the story line: all I know is, they were all there.

Is this a shameless plug for all of my wonderful blogger friends? Not really: although it works quite well for that purpose! No, this is me just trying to remember what the heck my dream was about!

So I have an idea. In an effort to spark my memory, how about you (yes YOU. Even the ones who lurk around here but never EVER comment!) come up with a story line which includes me, Eddo, Katie, Ben, and Steve, complete with a plot, conflict, etc..., and leave it in the comments section of this post. I'm hoping that if I get enough stories, something will spark a memory in my head of what the dream was really about; in which case, I'll share it with you. Otherwise, if I can't remember, then we'll vote on the best story, and it will be featured on Monday's post.

The people who were in my dream are definitely allow to play too: so be creative, and comment away, people! I look forward to reading all the fun stories that you come up with when I get home!

Part 2

2006-02-06T20:59:00.000-06:00

If you need a recap, on what has happened so far, click here.

So anyway, as I was saying....

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Roughly one hour after I made that call to my friend J., I was driving home from the temp agency that I applied to directly after I, um... lost my job. I thought I should talk to God a bit to tell Him how I'm feeling about this situation. I began to share with Him that I trusted Him in this: that even though I was officially in a major financial bind, that I was trusting Him to provide for me. I told Him that I knew of His promises of a hope and a future for my life, and that I was going to stand on that promise and know that I was going to be okay.

As I prayed that prayer, I recieved a phone call back from J.

J.: "Hey Stephanie! Just thought you might like to know that due to personal circumstances, I need to give away my cleaning jobs. I'm guessing you'll take them?"

Me: "Umm... YEAH!!!"

The rest was details which I don't need to fill you in on. All you need to know is that God provided. Oh but we're just barely touching the tip of the iceberg here.

While I was on the phone with J., my mom beeped in to tell me that her friend and neighbor J. who owns her own cleaning business, was wondering if I'd like to work for her. I could start as early as the very next day.

Me: "Umm... YEAH!!!"

Mom: "Well, here's her number, give her a call tonight and the two of you can iron out the details. I thought you should know that I did a little haggling on your behalf, and she has agreed to pay you the same wage that you were making at your old job."

Me: "Are you kidding me?!? To clean houses?!"

Mom: "You're welcome."

Whatever!!

So now only an hour after I got... umm... let go, I have two new jobs.

Uh, God? You're cool. In case I haven't told you. You are VERY cool.

So I got in touch with Mom's friend J. that night, and we agreed that I would start the very next morning. I called my mom to let her know that I'd be in the neighborhood in the morning, and asked if she'd like it if I stopped by before work for coffee. She was delighted.

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The next day, I was at my mom's by 8:30 which gave us about a half an hour for coffee before I had to head to J's for work. She and my step-dad and I chatted a bit about how absolutely random this all had been, and how cool it was that everything was falling into place.

I made it very clear to the both of them that I had not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that this was totally and completely God, and even though I should probably be sad for myself, I couldn't and didn't want to be: I was too busy praising God!

My mom understood, but my step-dad... well... he humored me: and that was fine. As long as he understood where I was coming from. As long as I got God's point across: that's all I cared about.

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I got back around 3:30, and found my mom in her office playing computer games. I sat down to chat with her again for a bit before I headed home, which is when she dropped the bomb on me.

"Your step-dad and I want to help you out with school. So just... pick where you want to go, audition, do whatever it is that you need to do to get into your program, and then let us know how much it is. We'll do what we can."

*Silence*

Actually, I think crickets started chirping all around us at this point.

And this is what I looked like:

Well, but a 15 year older version of course.

So anyway: I now have two new jobs (and I'm going to be starting my own little cleaning company very soon), which will allow me to have most of my days free to finish school, AND my parents are going to help me pay my tuition so I'm not in debt up to my eyeballs for the rest of my life!

Can you BELIEVE it?!

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You know, If there was even a smidget of doubt in my mind of what God was capable of doing in my life; or in ANYONE'S life, it was completely wiped out after what I've just recently experienced. God proved that He is capable, and He does work all things for the good of those who love Him:

"28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers" (Romans 8:28-29). (Thanks Luke!)

"...who have been called according to his purpose". I now know, without a shadow of a doubt, that God has me right where He wants me. He has a purpose for my life: and while there may be a number of possibilities in my future in terms of schools, programs, careers, etc., He showed me that everything can change in the blink of an eye solely by His hand. So I know that I'm taken care of: I'm loved, and I'm watched over. But more importantly, so long as I let Him have the wheel...

I'm headed somewhere totally amazing.

It All Started When...

2006-02-02T23:00:00.000-06:00

I recieved a mysterious phone call at work early Tuesday afternoon. The person on the other line did not have good news for me: and they weren't very nice about it either.

They told me that I was about to lose my job.

And then they hung up.

I sat for a moment in complete bewilderment, unsure as to how I should process this information. After all, it's not everyday you are forewarned of something like this. Was this person serious? Or was someone just playing a horribly mean practical joke? I was hoping for the latter, but didn't quite feel I would be so lucky.

I marched into my supervisor's office to share with her the disturbing news that I just recieved, and I could almost see the blood drain from her face.

"I... uhmmm... I'm going to call the owner. That's ummmm... really... uhhh.... really wierd."

Yeah. Real wierd.

I knew right then and there that something fishy was going on, especially when I found out that the boss man was coming in right away. He's never there during the day.

I should have started packing my stuff right then and there. But in a desperate attempt at salvaging my job (and my dignity), I kept on trucking. I worked until the very last second. Well, suffice it to say, that didn't help me very much, because at 3pm I was packing a plastic bag of what little of my personal items that I actually kept at my office.

Yes friends: I lost my job.

I wasn't expecting it - AT ALL. Just two weeks ago, the owner and I discussed my raise. He said there were a couple of things that needed some tweaking but that overall, I was exactly where I should be in terms of my progress: and that we could revisit the raise in a month - or in two weeks if things were going well. Even at that point, the "things" that needed tweaking were vague. I did my best from that point on to make sense of it and "correct" what I thought might be the problem.

But apparently the owner had other plans. From that point on, he had been looking for someone to replace me.

In the end, he gave me not one good reason as to why he was letting me go other than, "you weren't quite meshing with the manufacturing end of things".

Whatever that means.

He said that I ran a really tight ship in the administrative side of things, but that I wasn't quite "getting" manufacturing.

Hmmm.

Does this add up for any of you?

Yeah, me neither.

So, I took my plastic bag filled with all my things, and gracefully began "The Walk of Shame" out the door.

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I got into my car, quickly started the engine, and it took everything in me to keep from peeling out of the parking lot at four hundred miles per hour.

I grabbed my phone, and dialed the only person in the world I would have trusted to handle me in my delicate state of mind at that very moment.

My wonderful friend Katie.

"Hey girl, is everything okay?"

As you can imagine, I turned into a blubbering mess within 2.5 seconds. I told her what had just happened, and as I suspected, she did a marvelous job at calming my fears. She reminded me of God's plan for my life. She reminded me that no matter how awful I may feel the situation is, or how grim the potential outcome, GOD is the one in control here. HE has a plan for my life.

"Oh my goodness Katie you are totally right!"

And that's when it hit me: I had been praying for a new job situation that would be flexible around my school schedule come fall of this year. The program that I will be enrolling in is not a night/weekend type of program. I need my days: and a fourty hour-a-week day job just wouldn't cut it. So I had been hoping to possibly be cleaning houses and working at Starbucks by fall so as to have the majority of my daytime free to work on my bachelors degree.

Okay God, aren't You a little early here? It's only FEBRUARY!

"GOD is in control. HE has a plan for my life".

After I got off the phone with Katie, I called my friend J. who cleans houses part-time to supplement her income as a massage therapist. I got her voicemail:

"J.... it's Stephanie. I need a favor."

**************************************

...TO BE CONTINUED.

I'm off to visit a friend of mine this weekend from college who's now living in Minnesota. It's her birthday and we are going to have lots of birthday fun! Road trip baby!

In the meantime, you all have a WONDERFUL weekend, and if I don't get to blog with you before then... see you Monday!

Oh Stephanie, Where Art Thou?

2006-02-01T21:24:00.000-06:00

I've been away for a few days, friends. Well, only for a couple of days actually, but it feels like I've been gone for awhile: I'm out of the loop! To be completely honest, this is going to be a very common occurence from this point on.

Reason being: life is changing. Actually, all within one hour of my life, a very BIG part of my life changed, and then within one DAY, it seems that everything changed. Don't worry: they were all great changes, just cloaked in one bad thing. But that bad thing was the catalyst for SO many God-ordained events to unfold before my eyes.

I want to get into detail, I really do; but not tonight because I have to study. I just really wanted to lay this all out before you in the meantime: call it a plea for comments, call it a sad attempt at suspense... call it what you'd like. But I promise you: once I'm settled in and comfortable with all that is going on around me, I'll clue you in. For now though, please stop in, say hi, tell me what's going on in your world. I will certainly miss chatting with you all throughout the workday, but please don't let that stop you from stopping in occasionally to see what's new and say "hello".

Yes, this is my desperate plea for comments and such so I have lots of fun things to read when I get home at night.

I hope you all are having a wonderful week, and I'll talk to you soon!

I Have Absolutely Nothing Today...

2006-01-31T08:50:00.000-06:00

Okay... maybe I do have something. hahaha I love when that happens: I'll sit and stare at a blank "blogger" page for ten minutes straight, and just when the words, "I have nothing" slip off of my fingertips is when I finally think of something to talk about.

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You all miss "Theology Recap Tuesday", don't you? I mean, no one has necessarily been knocking down my door begging to hear about what I learned in school recently; but perhaps it's because you all know that I've been enjoying winter break. Or perhaps you're just too shy to ask. Either way: I know that deep down in your heart of hearts, you are all simply dying inside as I withold from you my boundless wisdom and knowledge that I gain each and every week in Theology class. It's okay, you don't have to tell me. I already know your pain, and trust me: I'm doing everything in my power to change that. SO! Starting next week Tuesday, you will be slowly reintroduced to the wonderful world of "Theology Recap Tuesday", but with a new spin: It will NOW be called, "Theology of Prayer Recap Tuesday". That's right! We will be discussing the theology of prayer this semester, including all the what, why's, when's and how's of prayer, as well as a Q& A opportunity in which you ask questions, I present them to my professor, and those questions will be answered the following week. Isn't that EXCITING? Okay, settle down... you have a week before this happens: I don't want you to burst or anything. You're going to just have to contain yourselves for seven more days. Think you can do that?

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Okay, moving on! So the Cubicle Reverend is a very talented writer. After a lot of beggin and pleading he shared with me some work that he has done, and I was just in awe by one of his pieces. Did you ever read something, and you could almost see the whole thing playing out in your mind? As if with every word, a picture is slowly being painted, which then takes shape and begins to dance: creating not just a picture, rather, a picture that is given life with words, pulling you in, tickling your senses, making you a part of that world. Good poetry just does that to me: I can easily get lost in words because I think in pictures, so I can easily get a visual of what I'm reading. I think that's why I love to write: because then I can actually articulate what I see in my mind. So anyway, kudos to the very gifted Cube Rev, and thanks for indulging me. ;)

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Have you ever had a moment with God that you almost couldn't break yourself away from? It's almost surreeal: as if you'll lose something incredible if you move too fast. Those moments are rare for me, but when they happen, they're breathtaking. You know how we talked awhile back about how God speaks to us? Well, I'm practicing just listening; and while I was doing that last night, I didn't hear anything, but I just felt Him draw me near. It was SO cool. And if it weren't 12:30 in the morning and a work night, I probably would have stayed there for HOURS. (Oh, don't judge, you know you'd be tired too! lol)

But anyway, I'm interested: can you think of a time when you felt your spirit just "click" with God's? What did you feel? What happened as a result of that time with Him?

L'Ormindo

2006-01-30T09:36:00.000-06:00

I'm not so sure that I have declared to you all what I intend to major in now that I have made my decision. Well, I'm leaning toward vocal performance: but whatever I wind up doing will be most definitely music related. The following story has to do with my scouting out music programs, so I just wanted to clarify before I majorly confused you all.

...And now, on to the story!

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On Friday night I had the priveledge of doing something I have NEVER done before: I went to the opera. I didn't quite get to enjoy a "professional opera", as I went to a local university here in town with my music teacher to scope out the music program there. In the midst of all of our "scoping", we were wildly entertained by thier adaptation of "L'Ormindo".

I truly never thought that an opera would engage me in the least bit, just considering where my passion lies (gospel), but surprisingly, it did! (I do, however, enjoy the theatre immensly, so I suppose this should come as no surprise. But opera? Well... let's just say it's a lot more exciting than I would have thought.) The story line was very cute (very not Christian, but cute no less): it's set back in the 17th century, and the queen is...well... three timing her husband with two of his "guards" who happen to be best friends with one another. So, once they find out that they are both dating the same woman, they both begin to court her, and she entertains both of thier advances, until they come face to face with her and she is forced to make a decision. She chooses Ormindo (hence the name of the opera), and the king finds out. So he orders the head guard to poison them (Ormindo and the queen), the consequence for decieving him. Shortly thereafter, the king recieves a letter stating that he is Ormindo's father: so now he is remorseful and distraught for having killed his own flesh and blood. As it turns out, he didn't really kill them, because the guard who was ordered to give them the poison, was a friend of Ormindo's and didn't have the heart to do it: so he disobeyed the king and gave Ormindo and the queen sleep syrum - with the intent of transporting thier "bodies" and setting them free in a distant land. The king finds THIS out, praises the guard for disobeying him, gives his blessing to his son and his wife to be married, and everyone lives happily ever after.

Yeah. That's opera. Hahahahaha Well, the confusing story line aside, the acting was great, it was actually very funny, but the vocals were... well... okay. There were two people that just blew me away (And I of course made sure I knew who they were studying with). Overall, I would say that I definitely enjoyed myself, but I will be checking out other schools yet... and my voice teacher and I plan on seeing a professional opera so I can hear what true opera sounds like. From what I hear, the voices are "like butta'". I can't wait.

Afterward, we headed to Pizza Man afterward for appetizers (the name is decieving: it's actually a really nice place on the "fashionable lower east side" by campus, with amazing food), and we discussed in detail what we experienced that night. My voice teacher, we'll call her Becky, sang opera professionally for many years, as well as auditioned for the MET (Metropolitan Opera), a number of times. She's VERY talented: so it was a lot of fun picking her brain regarding what she thought of everything. I'm actually surprised that most of our opinions were right in line with each other, considering I know nothing about opera: however, I do know quite a bit about singing: and a voice is a voice I guess. Either you can sing, or you can't: no matter what genre of music we're talking about.

Well, after this experience, I'm looking forward to scouting out other schools, hitting the professional opera circuit, and venturing into a new little slice of life that I've never considered exploring before.

"For I am the LORD that healeth thee"(Exodus 15:26).

2006-01-26T10:18:00.002-06:00

Have you or anyone you know experienced Divine healing? Perhaps you heard a story during a sermon about a miraculous healing in someone's life who you don't even know that left you in complete awe. What happened? How did God move in that person's life? If you personally have been healed, how did He move in your life?

All stories, great and small, telling of God's healing power are welcomed and encouraged here today. Please feel free to share your stories of trials, faith, miracles, encouragement, and hope, as well as any scripture verses you can think of related to this topic.

Comment away friends!

Power of the Spoken Word

2006-01-25T09:14:00.000-06:00

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7, KJV).

Have you thought about this verse recently? Like a precious stone, have you held it in your hand, examined it closely, turning it over, and over again, making sure not to miss one detail? It is essential to our Christian walks that we hold this bit of scripture close to our hearts every day: that we hold ourselves accountable to the principles that this small, yet magnificently powerful bit of wisdom conveys. What is is verse really telling us?

Jesus tells us in Luke 6:45 that, "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks". From His mouth, to my ears!

"FOR OUT OF THE OVERFLOW OF HIS HEART HIS MOUTH SPEAKS".

Wow. So what this tells me, is if I speak negatively, that is a reflection of my heart. So how, then, can I be a light unto a dark world and be a representative of Jesus Christ, if my very words are reflecting that same darkness?

God calls us, time and time again in His Word to have a positive mind: to take all our thoughts captive under the authority of Christ Jesus:

"(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ"(2 Corinthians 10:4,5).

Spiritual warfare is in fact all around us, and the enemy LOVES to meddle in our thought lives, because he knows how easy it is to break down our defenses in this area. And trust me: I know how easy it is to fall into a negative thought pattern; it's all too easy to get stuck in a rut of focusing strictly on the negative. However, negative thinking can turn into a very cyclical pattern. Negative thinkers would like to argue that they are they way they are because of all the misfourtune that they have experienced throughout thier lives. But here's my question: which came first? The chicken or the egg? Are you a negative thinker because you've endured countless hardships and you just can't seem to catch a break? Or are you enduring those hardships because you have convinced yourself that they're going to happen anyway? You expect them. It's almost as if you *will* them to happen. What if you started focusing on the positive? What if you started believing God for great, amazing, wonderful and powerful things for your lives and the lives of the ones you love? Just look at Phillipians 4:8,9:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you".

There's our answer right there! The peace of GOD ALMIGHTY will be with us if we just practice positive thinking. But did you also notice that we must not only focus on the positive, but on all things praiseworthy as well? So if we're praising God throughout our days, this will bring Him glory, and we in turn, will be blessed for it as well! I think that's a fair deal, don't you?

Our thought lives and our words affect us (and even those around us) a great deal more than we sometimes give them credit for. If we believe that we're sick, well, we can pretty much expect to start experiencing symptoms of illness, because our body is reacting to the signals our minds are sending out. In similar fashion, our day to day lives are just as affected by our thoughts and our words.

I just want to leave you with one more thought for the day, and that is this: God SPOKE this world into existence. So think about that the next time you feel the urge to give into anxiety, or the next time you want to berate yourself for tripping up the stairs, or missing a deadline. If you take a more positive approach to these situations and rebuke the enemy's antagonistic attempts at filling your mind with fear, doubt, and self-loathing, you will undoubtedly move out of the darkness, and become a true beacon of Christ-like light for the whole world to see.

Information derived from http://www.godsaidmansaid.com/printtopic.asp?ItemId=717 , Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer<-- I HIGHLY recommend this book! Phenomenal!

I Did It!

2006-01-23T09:11:00.000-06:00

Well, I finished the first phase of recording my wedding demo last night! I know that to some of you (*cough!*SteveSporre*cough!*), this is really no big deal, because you've recorded a thousand times yourselves ;) , but for me: this is a brand new experience: and it was actually pretty fun! It was interesting because I have never done this before, so it was very strange hearing my voice played back to myself: what a strange experience! At first, it was really no fun hearing myself, because what I hear in my head when I sing versus what everyone else hears are two very different sounds. So I had to grow accustomed to what I actually sound like versus what I think I sound like. Make sense? So, once I got over that hump, then it was a matter of tweaking my voice here, and altering it there to make sure I was getting the optimum tone quality out of my voice when I was recording. It's a really interesting process. Anyway, we finished two songs (so now he just needs to mix them: something I definitely won't have any part in, because I don't know how!), and once they're finished my recording friend will send them to me via email, and I'll make sure to post them for y'all. In about a week or so, we'll finish the last three, and then my demo will be done; which means that I'll have a finished product to hand out to people so I can start getting booked for weddings! How fun!

So, that was my weekend: well, that and..... I went to go see "The Chronicles of Narnia" on Saturday. How amazing was THAT movie?!?! I just LOVED it! So, in case any of your are just killing yourselves trying to figure out what to get me for my birthday in seven months: keep this movie in the back of your minds! (I told my mother this the other night while we were out shopping at TARGET after seeing the movie, and she just laughed at me too: I guess it's a funny thing that I'm spouting off birthday requests seven months early? Doesn't everyone do that?!)

Well that's all the exciting things that I have to report for the day: I've hit a road block in terms of writing. I guess I really don't have much in the way of deep or inspirational thoughts to share, but I feel something brewing deep down in the recesses of my mind. It might take me a few days though: so in the meantime, why don't you all tell me how your weekend was?

Because I Was Told That I Am Being Cryptic Today...

2006-01-20T12:24:00.000-06:00

...I thought I'd share with you a little story in the form of a letter to brighten your day!

********************************

Dear Industrial-Sized Corporate Coffee-Maker,

You told me not to.

It *specifically* says to pour ONLY WATER into your top. I know, I see the sign there everyday when I go to make coffee in the morning.

But before I go any further, I HAVE to tell you: you just don't make very good coffee! I'm sorry to have to say it, but it's true! I have actually gotten into the habit of bringing my own coffee from home sometimes, because yours is just.that.bad. How can you possibly expect to produce a quality pot of coffee when you don't even let the water really mix with the grounds? I barely pour the water in, and coffee is coming out the other end! That is NOT ample time to get the full flavor of the coffee out of the grounds. It's JUST NOT!!

So yesterday afternoon, when I was out of my own coffee and needed a little pick-me up: do you remember this? I went to make a half pot. I came to you, hoping that you would come through for me. But alas, the coffee (no matter how strong I attempted to make it) came out weak-smelling and tasteless.

I sat there for quite a bit, coffee pot in hand, staring at your "POUR IN WATER ONLY" sign, really questioning the reasoning behind these instructions. I figured, if I were to pour this coffee back into your top, it would get another "go" at filtering through the coffee, thereby enhancing the flavor of the end product. So as I'm looking at this sign, I begin to rationalize this in my head: "Well, that must simply mean 'don't pour chocolate milk in here' or 'this is NOT where the coffee grounds go'. I mean, really: what could POSSIBLY happen if I ran the coffee through you one more time, right?

Even after all of this self-talk that I was engaging myself in, convincing myself that I wouldn't break you, I still, in the back of my mind knew that there was only about a 5% chance that this would actually end in my favor. And well, I don't have to tell you the rest, but I will anyway just to refresh your memory:

I DID IT ANYWAY.

I dumped that coffee right back into the place where you specifically warn us to "POUR IN WATER ONLY", because, well. . . . I'm just a risk-taker like that. (Or something.) But what to my wondering eyes should appear, but lighter coffee out the other end! Lighter and weaker, and more tasteless than before!

WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!?!!!!

I can't believe this is happening! I think to myself, I did it again! Another ridiculous antic to add to the "Chronicles of Stephanie's Brainless Workplace Moments"!! I have to fix this!!!

So, my dear Industrial-Sized Corporate Coffee-Maker, in a desperate attempt to save you (and not for your sake, but for my job), I spent the next hour: HOUR! running plain water through you to clean you out. What was your PROBLEM??? You couldn't cooperate? Even just a little bit? And after all that work, I attempted to make a new pot of coffee. I figured that after all we had been through together, that you might be good to me. I ran the water through the grounds ONCE: and do you know what I found?

YOUR COFFEE STILL TASTED LIKE CRAP!

COME ON!!! I can't BELIEVE YOU!!!

Well, I know one thing for darn sure:

We'll be trading you in for a new model.

Yours Truly,

Stephanie (coffee-fanatic, your worst enemy)

Please Take A Moment And Pray...

2006-01-20T08:44:00.000-06:00

I don't know why she's different.

But something about seeing her face all over the national news struck me to the very core of my soul. Reported as the latest of many of our fellow Americans held captive by Iraqi terrorists, Jill Carroll has very little time left. In fact, if the U.S. doesn't agree to release all female Iraqi prisoners today, this then, will be the day that Jill Carroll will take her last breath.

I watched yesterday morning as her mother, on behalf of herself, her husband, and Jill's sister, pleaded for her daughter's life. She was calm, poised, and very obviously proud of her daughter and her accomplishments thus far: but you could see the fear in her eyes. She said she was in shock; she said that Jill had told her of the possibility of this very situation arising, but that nothing can prepare a mother for something like this.

Jill is different because she genuinely cares about the Iraqi people - she's not just out to get a story. Please take some time today and pray for this brave and selfless woman. Pray that the God would Divinely intervene: that He would send the right people to free her from her captors. Pray that she will live to see many tomorrows, and that the Lord comforts her and her family in this trying time.

God Bless You All.

Picture derived from Netscape News

Picture This:

2006-01-18T20:56:00.000-06:00

You walk into Walgreens completely engrossed in a conversation with a friend of yours on the phone. You head back to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription: while still on the phone. This conversation is just too good to put on hold! So you keep talking, just assuming that a pharmacy tech will greet you when they get a second and politely smile acknowledging that they are ready to help you.

You, however, are greeted by a very hesitant, rather "bothered" looking young woman who looks at you as if she wants to say, "what do you want?" You look up, state that your name and that you are picking up. Your "friendly" tech rolls her eyes at you, turns around, fishes out your prescription, throws it on the counter and says, "I will help you when you are done." You politely inform her that you are totally ready to be helped, but she apparently doesn't agree. "No, actually, it is R.U.D.E. for you to be on the phone while I am trying to help you. I'll wait." You look at her in total and complete amazement as you tell your friend that you'll call her back.

You complete your transaction, and as you do so, your "friendly" tech, begins to shower you with fake, forced politeness.

*
*
*
*
*

Now you, my friends, get to finish this story. What do you do from here?

***************************

As I'm sure you all guessed, yes, this did happen to me - last night in fact. And I did what any self-respecting, disgruntled customer would do:

I tattled.

This seemed to be the consensus among you all anyway, so I now don't feel bad about it: although, if you were to have asked me last night, I would have told you that I felt pretty darned bad about getting this girl in trouble. I questioned whether or not it went in line with my morals and standards as a Christian to speak with a manager about how horrible this girl treated me. Part of me kept thinking, "turn the other cheek, Stephanie".
However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that, if I were to put the shoe on the other foot, and put myself in her place, *as a Christian*, I would have kept my mouth shut and been as pleasant as possible - because Christ called me to do so. Besides, it would have likely not even crossed my mind to get angry about such a thing in the first place, because that's such a small thing to get riled up about!

Part of me is a little nervous to ever go back to that particular pharmacy, because, well - what if she didn't get fired? She knows that I was the one that tattled on her! So if she didn't lose her job, and I do go back and she waits on me, well! Wouldn't that be slightly uncomfortable! I'm kind of non-confrontational that way (many ways, actually)...

Maybe I'll just switch pharamcies...

By Popular Demand...

2006-01-18T08:50:00.000-06:00

Okay, one person (Shenna) requested this, but because my readership is low these days, one request is "popular demand". lol As I was writing "You know you've ticked off Stephanie when...", I figured that people might think me a little on the grumpy side considering the intense detail that I went into regarding the things that irritate me.

So to you, my disenchanted readers I say this: everyone, even the sweetest of Christians, deserve to air out thier grievances once in awhile. However, because I am a generally happy person, and because I aim to please my loyal readers, today I give you:

The Top Ten Things That Make Me Smile
(also in no particular order)

*A long long time ago when I first started this blog, I wrote a similar list. I have decided to write another one without referring back to the old one. However, if you're interested in reading the old one, click here.*

1. Sunshine. There's nothing like a sunny day. The temperature could be cold, hot, or lukewarm: doesn't really matter to me so long as the sun is out. I'm very affected by my surroundings, so a sunny day just always has a way of brightening my mood.

2. A good cup of coffee. Call me an addict, call me what you will, but I love coffee. Love it love it love it. Throw some flavored International Coffee Creamer in there, and I am in seventh heaven.

3. A good, deep conversation.

4. Good music. And right along with that in the same catergory, I'm going to say a good musician and a good singer. Something inside of me just bursts with joy when I hear good music: when an amazing singing voice pierces the silence: when a talented instrumentalist steals the show. I literally have a physical reaction to music: my whole body and soul reacts to an awesome compilation of sound - no matter what style or genre it is. If it's good, it's good: and I love it.

5. Singing. Along with the previous idea, I love to sing. There's something magical about getting up there and letting go: about giving glory to God by using the gift He gave me to minister to others. There's just something about being right there in the moment crying out to God in front of hundreds of spectators, leading them to do the same: being so raw, so real, and so transparent: giving Him all the glory.

6. The outdoors. I could play outside all day and night and never get sick of it. I love the fresh air, the smell of life in the trees, grass, and earth. I love the sound of the water laping up against the shore, and the breeze rustling through the trees. I love admiring and enjoying God's creation. Good stuff.

7. Long drives. I was just talking with someone about this last night: I really enjoy road trips alone. It gives me a chance to think, to be with God for a really long time: talking with Him and worshiping Him. ... And then there's my (likely not so secret) secret indulgence: windows down, music blaring, and me singing on the tops of my lungs for miles and miles and miles.

8. Travel. I thoroughly enjoy visiting new places, exploring different cultures, and taking in new sights and sounds. I love the visual stimulation of a majestic mountain range, or peering over the edge of a cliff into the depths of a canyon: enjoying the sights and sounds of the Pacific coast. There's so much out there to be seen and experienced: and I enjoy getting out there and discovering it all.

9. My family. They're quirky, but they still put a smile on my face.

10. Good friends that I can depend on. I really enjoy fellowshipping with other Christians. It's a great feeling being in the presence of other believers, and just enjoying one another's company: but even more than that, knowing that my friends are striving for Christ-likeness as well, and therefore are a source of support and encouragement for me really comforts my spirit. I love my friends.

Pet Peeves

2006-01-17T09:55:00.000-06:00

As Christians, we are supposed to love our neighbors. We're supposed to love one another as Christ loved the church: and I do! I make a concerted effort at all times to be loving to those around me (even if I don't want to). But no matter how much love I'm doling out to my fellow man, there are just some things that people do that drive me absolutely crazy!

Without further adieu, I give you:

"You Know You've Ticked Off Stephanie When..."

1. You wait at a traffic light next to me on a two-lane street which is about to go down to one lane, and insist on drag-racing with me to see who can be in front of who in the end.

I'd beat you if I actually chose to participate in your childish little game: I have a six cylinder. You don't.

2. You poke me over... and over... and OVER again when trying to get my attention.

It's not helping your case whatsoever that you are annoying the crap out of me when trying to talk to me. I have a personal bubble, and you are totally in it. Get out.

3. You won't let me in when I'm trying to change lanes.

No. Really. I've had my blinker on and have been hovering in front of you for five miles. Do you think you could help a sister out?

4. You insist on touching me even though I've made it pretty clear that I don't want you to.

*Disclaimer: I am a very touchy-feely type of person, don't get me wrong. I love to hug and be close to the ones I love. But everyone needs a little space once in awhile, including me: and there are one or two people in my life who INSIST on glomming all over me every chance they get.* Really: you don't need to touch me every.second.of.the.day: I'm pretty sure you'll survive without touching my arm, kissing my cheek, or squeezing the God-breathed life out of me whenever I'm within a five mile radius of you. The more you do it, the less I want to be around you. Isn't there a happy medium?

5. You decided to become a city bus driver.

It's really not personal. However, I can't very well get mad at the BUS, can I? It's a piece of machinery without a soul! So when I get totally irritated because your bus is weaving in and out of traffic at 7:55 in the morning and I'm less than 5 minutes from work, but because I can't seem to get around you before you're pulling away from the bus stop again and merging into traffic - AGAIN - and then you drive 5 miles per hour until you get to the next stop, and then the light turns red... and now I'm late for work... well... let's just say, my frustration has to go somewhere, and that somewhere generally is - YOU, the poor bus driver-man (or lady) who likely never intended to become the target of everyone's road rage, but on account of the fact that you drive a slow TANK, you have no choice. So uh, yeah. Sorry about that.

6. You tell me that "I can't" or "I shouldn't" just to be disagreeable.

I don't have any smart-aleck commentary for you about this one. I just don't like it. So don't do it.

I have a few other pet peeves that have been discussed in previous posts of mine: so if you're so inclined, feel free to go ahead and read about how guys and the friends who like to throw them at me tick me off, as well as how the little nuances of dating can tend to make me slightly irritated (and frightened!). Or, you could just read about how I irritate myself by being such a klutz.

God Bless!

John 3:16

2006-01-16T12:01:00.000-06:00

That is the name of the band I'm in that I've been talking about. I found out this weekend that our website is up, but after parousing it myself a bit, I found that it's not quite ready yet. I will be happy to post a link a little bit later on once things get rolling (plus we haven't had a chance to get into the studio yet - one of our guys is in Germany for the next two weeks, so we have to wait until he gets back), so for now, all you get is a picture of our happy, smiling faces.

John Davis, (top row, 4th from the left) is the lead vocalist and founder of the group: he just has an incredible voice, and a love for the Lord that simply radiates and blows me away each and every time I worship with him.

From left to right: Larry plays piano, Craig plays bass, Jerome is on the guitar, John, Dan plays the keys, Michael is on the drums, and then y'all know Leah and I. And no, we're not fly girls for God: we sing. lol

So there you have it: you'll have to pardon the graphics on the picture. It was taken in the lobby of my church after a performance we did for the women's ministries retreat, and no matter what background we attempted to use, it just didn't work: so I'm guessing this was thier best solution. However, there is definitely more to come - and I'll let you know when it does.

I hope you all are having a wonderful Monday (and day off for some of you), and God bless you all!

I Just Don't Care!

2006-01-13T09:45:00.000-06:00

Apparently, at 25, I'm supposed to be actively seeking out the man who will one day be blessed enough to marry moi.

At least that's what people tell me I should be doing.

Did you know that there is some secret law out there which requires the married friends of single women to force all single, available, breathing human beings of the male variety down our throats? I didn't know that! Did you? Well, had I known, I might have formed a band of strictly single female friends in an effort to avoid the aforementioned pressure.

Excuse me! But where does it say that finding a husband must be my life's mission right now?

...Not that I would mind or anything if I did actually find one...

But that's not the point here! I have plenty of other things to focus on. I have school, work, ministry, the band, GOD: I have plenty of things going on: and if people can't see that God has plenty of opportunities to bring the right man for me into my life in His timing, just through all the things I'm involved in now, well, then, my darling friends need to re-evaluate how much they trust God to take care of the everyday things of our lives. God will make things happen for me when the time is right. In the meantime...

I. Don't. Care.

Now, this just tickles me pink. Because I really, really, really don't care whatsoever if I'm dating anyone - if there is a single man in my life to keep me entertained. (This, my friends, is a complete enigma to me, because I'm usually in the complete opposite state of mind. "Boys, boys, boys!") I'm finding that I'm a rather entertaining person all on my own. I don't need a guy to whisper sweet nothings in my ear to keep me on my toes and excited about life. God's doing enough of that on His own; way more than any man ever could.

Besides, men are just frustrating creatures anyway. Now, I'm certainly NOT coming down on guys here, especially my blog-boys (blog-men? haha), because you all are just awesome. That's not what I'm trying to do. It's the guys that are in my three-dimentional life that make me want to convert and become a nun sometimes.

I mean honestly: what is the deal with these guys? They play some serious GAMES. Christian boys! Playing games! ARGH!!! There's this one who shall remain completely nameless who is pretty evidently kind of interested. I don't think he's "clamoring to get at me interested", but we did "click" when we first met, and we get along really well. He leaves cute, nervous messages on my phone - when he actually DOES call. But he waits the standard three days to return my calls (if he even does call back), and makes it nearly impossible to get to know him beyond what he "allows". And honestly, I'm not really even trying to date the guy! I'm really just trying to establish a friendship, but he even makes that hard!

So, I've given up.

I've given up all all things "dating related": not because of mystery-boy, but because the culmination of all my experiences with men recently (and not so recently) has brought me to a place where, if I'm not knocked off my feet: it's not worth it. Sure, the attention from guys who are interested, but not marriage material is nice, but unless I feel like it's a God-appointed meeting, I. DON'T. CARE. I don't think I can stress that enough. Sure, I'll be your friend. I'd love to hang out. But here are the requirements:

1. If you don't like me "like that", don't make me think you do just because you're lonely and craving attention, or are on some "relational power trip". I'll figure you out and drop you like a hot potato. No games, or you're done.

2. If you do like, me: NO. GAMES. Be straight forward with me and tell me so. We can take it from there.

3. If you do like me and you're not a Christian, please don't play the "I'll go to church with you if you'll date me" card. Duh! I can see right through that! Yes, you can come to church with me. No, I won't date you. I'd still love to be your friend, but stop it with the pressure! You know what I'm looking for, and you're.not.it.

4. Oh and as a continuation from number two: if you are ARE interested... PURSUE ME. No really! It's easy! You just pick up the phone and call! Oh! And if you ask me to do something like, go to a movie, or to go see a musical or a concert... if I'm interested, I WILL say yes. It's that simple.

Really guys, it's not that hard. These are simple rules that all men should abide by when they're dealing with any Christian woman. And if you follow these rules, it makes it really easy for both parties, because then no one is playing the guessing game: "Does he like me? Does he NOT like me? But he's really nice and..." you get my drift? Guys, save yourselves the hassle: be straight forward.

And friends: leave us single gals alone. We're not doing any damage to anyone or anything by not getting married right now: we're not putting holes in the ozone layer, destroying rainforests, or striking people dead by being alone. We're actually kind of enjoying the freedom that comes with not having a family to take care of: and when God is good and ready, he will bring the right men in our lives who will happily and fervently pursue us with all that they have in them, because they'll know that one more day without us would be agony.

But until that day comes, I'm happy and content right where I am: In the land of....

I DON'T CARE.

Miss Stephanie's Miscellaneous Musings

***UPDATE***

Update

Oh, Blessed Answered Prayer

Ready... Set... Rest!

Oh The Irony of it All

Hello All!

Oh, The Days When I "Mused"...

Day 2 of the Jamaica 2006 Review!

"Jamaica Review 2006": Day 1

My Recent Absence...

I'm Back!!!

More of Jamaica Pt. 2

More of Jamaica

Greetings From Jamaica! Pt. 2

Hello From The Caribbean!!!

Only FOUR Days Left!!!

When The Enemy Strikes

Only 13 More Days!!

I Know I've Been M.I.A. Lately...

It's That Time Again!

WHAT?!

If You're Wondering Where I Went...

Dear Jadon...

Thank God For Great Girlfriends!

Prayer Request!

The Theme Song To My Life Right Now...

God's Gifts

Good Morning Everyone!

Seeking His Face

MySpace

Kids Are The Best!

It Rains

Well...

As Much As I Hate To Admit it...

American Idol

I Feel...

I Miss Jamaica

Fun Facts

Can You Believe This?

It's In...

More

From the Mind of a Writer...

A Thank You Letter

His Forgiveness

So What Does It All Mean?

I Can't Believe This...

Day 8

It's Coming!

Day 7

Day 6

Day 5

Day 4

Day 3

I Interrupt This Program...

Day 2

Let The Adventure Begin!

One of My Favorite Pictures

Did Ya' Miss Me?

I'm Outta Here!

It's Almost HERE!!!

I Was Absolutely Mesmerized...

Thank You Edoo!

I'm Blessed

Change

What Are You Praying For?

Donations

I'm Going to Serve In Jamaica!

And You Were There... And You! You Were There Too!

Part 2

It All Started When...

Oh Stephanie, Where Art Thou?

I Have Absolutely Nothing Today...

L'Ormindo

"For I am the LORD that healeth thee"(Exodus 15:26).

Power of the Spoken Word

I Did It!

Because I Was Told That I Am Being Cryptic Today...

Please Take A Moment And Pray...

Picture This:

UPDATE