So What Does It All Mean?

The Sunday after we returned home was okay for me: I was surrounded by my church family and all my new friends from my trip. Everyone everyone was so pumped for me that I was able to experience serving the Lord like I did: and they all wanted to hear all about it. I couldn't really talk about it as much as I would have liked at that point, because there was so much to process, and I was having a bit of trouble readjusting to being back in the states. But the one thing I did know, the one thing I responded with when asked, "so how was your trip?!" was simply this: "It was amazing. I'm going back."

One person in particular that I talked with that day, Andy (who happens to be one of the most amazing men of God that I know), told me that within 3 minutes of talking with me about my trip, he could tell that my heart was still there. I agreed.

So he asked me what I'm going to do about that.

I began to share with him about the all the temporary missionaries on staff there (for generally three to six months at a time) that I got a chance to talk with rather extensively about thier assignments: picking thier brains, for lack of a better expression, to figure out how I might do the same thing. Unfortunately, as I told Andy, this could very possibly be the most ridiculous idea that I've ever come up with. Going back to Jamaica for... months? No way. I couldn't afford it! I'm too old! My parents would kill me: they'll tell me that I have bills to pay! I'm generally not this spontaneous... but there's something about the idea that's just drawing me in.

Andy reminded me of something that I apprently had forgotten about: or worse yet, I didn't give God the respect He deserved in acknowledging that He could do such a thing: he told me that if God wants me to go to Jamaica, He'll soften my parent's hearts. He'll work it all out.

I went to my parent's house later that afternoon, and decided to delicately bring this up to them: to test the waters and see if this was even going to be an option for me. The responses that I recieved literally floored me. My mom simply said, "well, I've kind of known for awhile now that you'd eventually be a missionary someday in some capacity or another: so if this is something that you need to do to get your feet wet, then more power to you." My step-dad asked, "how long would you go for? How would you afford it?" I told him likely three months in the fall, and I would have to raise the funds. He pretty much shrugged his shoulders and said okay.

Stunned is the only word that I have for what I was feeling at that very moment: and the affirmations kept coming in like a flood.

Anyone who I talked to about this: family, friends, mentors, were all incredibly supportive of this idea. Monday morning I couldn't stop crying: I was crying for what I left behind. I cried for all the children I couldn't spend time with anymore. I cried because of how messed up everything seemed here at home: how mixed up our priorities here suddenly seemed to me. I was experiencing a bad case of the "re-entry blues". I called my roommate to do lunch as a way to get my mind off of my miserable-ness momentarily, and while we were out together, I shared with her my desire to return to Jamaica for a few months. I really was expecting her (my very logical, grounded rooommate, as well as one of my closest friends) to tell me that I was crazy. She said, "Stephanie, you have always been a dreamer: and I'm pretty good at deciphering what you are and aren't serious about: what will and won't actually be carried through. I have to tell you: I think this is one of the best ideas you've ever come up with. I absolutely think that you should go. GO!"

Again. Stunned.

Hula Doula told me that while she and her family were praying for me one night, that her daughter began praying me back into Jamaica before they had even known that I was considering it. Friends all over the place were praying for me on this very issue, as was I: with a fervency and passion that I almost forgot existed in prayer. It all started to come together as I prayed: the simple fact that I didn't want to leave, that stirring that I felt while still in Jamaica, the the revelation in the bus on the way to the airport, the endless prayers over the past year for the possibility of mission work in my future, as well as the confirmations from all my family and friends: all signs seemed to be pointing to ---> GO!!!

I think the clincher was when I had called down to the City of Refuge (after I had sent an email expression my interest in coming back and not recieving a response) one afternoon. I had left my favorite Bible there, and was hoping that I would at the very least be able to talk to thier receptionist: from what I had heard, it is nearly impossible to get a hold of anyone down there, due to a lack of consistency in thier communications abilities, as well as thier busy schedules. Well, wouldn't you know it? I got a hold of the head.missionary.himself.

So, after a short conversation (he's not much of a talker), he told me that I was more than welcome to come down, during the time that I wanted, gave me a few details, and it was settled. I'm going to Jamaica.

I'm going BACK to Jamaica for THREE MONTHS.

From that point on, it's been preparation: spiritually, mentally, and physically. Right now, I'm in the middle of filling out my missionary application which will allow me to be officially registered and insured. So, pending my application, I'm there. I'm really really there! My senior pastor and I will be getting together in the near future to go over my schedule, my budget, etc..., and I will begin my fundraising efforts shortly thereafter. In the meantime, I'm praying for favor with the world missions committee: but knowing in my heart of hearts that this is God's plan for me right now in my life, I'm sure things will go rather smoothly. They've otherwise been seamless thus far.

So there you have it! The conclusion to the "Jamaica Missions 2006 Saga": and I'd really just like to thank each and every one of you for your prayers, support, and encouragement. You all have been such a blessing to me throughout all of this, and I can't even begin to express to you my gratitude. Just know that in very many ways, you all have helped (through prayer, financial support, and your general words of encouragement) to see me through to a brand new, very unexpected place in my life. Had you asked me two months ago if I could ever see myself living in a third world country, working with children in a place where running water and electricity comes and goes at will, I would have said "absolutely not!". But now, as God has worked in me and through me and changed me in some unbelievable ways, I stand in awe; looking both back at where I once was, and now ahead of me, marvelling at what will be.

I truly feel these days like a small child hanging onto the back of Jesus' shirt while he leads the way. I've really learned lately to step aside and let Him do all the leading. I want to go where He's going: because no plans that I make could come anything close to being as fruitful, rewarding, and nearly as amazing as what He would have me carry out if I just let Him show me the way. I'm truly blessed to be following His lead these days, because without His direction, I wouldn't be going where I'm headed right now: and I'm SO excited to take the ride. SO excited and blessed.

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On a completely separate note, as I mentioned earlier, I was able to meet fellow blogger, Shenna, who came down with her daughter to see our Easter musical this past Sunday. Just click on her name and check out her site, as she has shared with the land of Blog, a detailed account of our meeting. Stop by, say hello, and see our oh-so-dimply picture together: the proof that we did indeed hang out. That was a pic from our lunch at the Red Lobster: yummy yummy seafood! Anyway, I'll make sure to tell you more of my rendition very soon!

Have a blessed Easter everyone!