Searching For The "Brat" Within

Now I must clarify something from my earlier rant entitled, "Discovering Self". I had described what I deemed to be an "intellectual, witty, funny, slightly sarcastic...brat" who was being stifled within in an attempt to satiate someone else's need and/or desire for me to live up to thier expectations of what I should be.

All of that still makes me shudder a bit, because as a side note, I came to the realization just yesterday that I have no one to blame for all of that- but myself. It is merely me choosing to let someone else dictate my actions and reactions... in a feeble attempt at gaining more acceptance, more love and a permanance that would grant me a greater level of importance in that person's life. Sounds almost kind of selfish if you really think about it, doesn't it? But here's what redeems me in all of this. I don't try to do all of these things for the sole purpose of feeling loved. More than that, I want that person to feel safe, loved, and comfortable because often times, they're not recieving that anywhere else, and/or the object of my "affections" usually has some sort of abandonment, anger, or other type of issue they struggle with that makes me reach out to them in hopes that maybe I can help. (I know, you're probably thinking, "wow, this girl has major issues!" Ah well- don't we all!) Sorry about the lengthy side note... back to our original programming...

SO! As I was saying. This "brat" that I referred to earlier. She is a brat! But probably not the way you're thinking. When I re-read my earlier post, I realized that I sounded somewhat like a teenager. The reality is, that as a 20-something adult woman, that brat is representative of my sassiness, my zeal for life, and my "take no prisoners" type attitude toward the things I'm most passionate about. I'm definitely living it, but I don't "own" it. I'm sure you understand what I'm saying.

So there you have it. My extremely long-winded, overly-analytical, introspective explaination of my definition of the word, "brat". Hope your day is a lot less stressful than mine probably seems to be. :)