What Do You Do For Love?
What is it about love that makes us so incredibly... mindless? Did you ever notice that the minute we discover that someone has captured our undivided attention, the minute we give that captivating someone our heart, the minute we let go of all of our fears and just give in to love, that we suddenly become totally and completely unaware of the rest of the world around us?
There are so many facets to love which makes it such a complex concept. Think about it. All theological musings aside, we're talking about the pure magnetic love between two human beings: and maybe it's not even two. Sometimes it's just one person on one end, pining away for another, experiencing the heartwrenching love of the unrequited nature. But either way, love's complexity is astounding. What we do for love, what we won't do for love. What kinds of things are we willing to do? Do we take risks that we may not have before? Isn't love in and of itself a risk? What types of things don't we do? What kinds of sacrifices in our own lives do we make for love? When we find ourselves in this situation, we really should be asking ourselves... "are these sacrifices worth it? Should I be giving these things up for this other person?"
Often times I look back on my past loves (requited and not), and wonder what I could have done differently. I'm a romantic of the truest kind, and being a woman, this can be a very dangerous combination. Knowing this, and in looking back, I've found a pattern that has existed in my love life. Up until now. I.made.so.many.sacrifices: and not necessarily of the good kind. I have used this particular comparison in past posts: I've bended, twisted, and tweaked who I was, what I was about, and what I held true to in order to accomodate the desires/needs of the object of my affection. I just recently experienced a situation just like this, which has quickly become a "turning point" for me in my life. I'm definitely not having a pity party here, I'm just giving you a little perspective on my position, that's all.
A wise woman once told me: "If a man is in love with you - if a man truly desires to pursue you... he will move heaven and earth to do so. So stop trying so hard. Just sit back and let it happen." So moving forward, that has been my anthem. So I ask you this: how do you react to love? What do you do for love? Ladies, is this your anthem too? Do (did) you just sit back and wait? Men: do (did) you pursue, or do (did) you wait for love to find you?
posted by Stephanie @ 10:07 AM
24 Comments:
YOU
ARE
AMAZING
Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie (if I keep saying your name I;m hoping you'll hear the tone of my voice through the internet).
We keep trading words of encouragement but I want you to KNOW to HEAR me when I say this. YOU AMAZE ME. Your honesty and your passion and yes, oh yes, your heart touch me every day I come and read you pour out the things of your mind and soul.
I love, love, love that God chooses to use you to minister to my heart and to raise those topics that aren't easy but are so important to talk about.
I haven't answered any of your questions here and I promise I will but I wanted to share the above with you first.
My sis and I just had a conversation about this same topic not even an hour ago. Stephanie you rock, my friend.
Dotty, my sis, has been going through some tough stuff with her so called MisterWunderful and you are RIGHT.ON.TARGET. with what you said about stopping trying so hard.
You are truly enlightened and I am sending her here to read this, as I often do when you talk about things that are of much concern especially to singles.
**hugs**
You are very wise to look back on your past relationships and think about them.
There are so many people who don't go out with a plan or an inkling of a clue what they are looking for, just that they want to be loved.
Your friend was VERY wise. The right guy will sacrifice a lot to be with you.
There is so much to this discussion that comes to mind, but so little space.
The myth is that relationships are 50-50. But who wants a partner that only gives 50%? Isn't that failing in school? Expect 100%, but give it also.
~Jef
Katie, I want to run down to Texas and HUG HUG HUG you, for the encouragement (as always), and because you fill that same spot in my life. I love it that God uses us to minister to one another like this. Many of my friends tease me about my "blogger friends"... unfortunatly, they just don't quite understand. I look very much forward to hearing what you have to say about this Katie!
Jay: I didn't know I had "lurkers"! lol! I'm so glad that my "ramblings" are useful to you and your sis! Often times I feel like my outpouring of my heart is just a mess of goo coming down on paper: I'm glad people get at least a little something from it all! lol
Jeff: I have learned quite a lot from this last experience. It was HORRIBLE to say the very VERY least, and it took an experience this monumental for God to open my eyes to my faults in relationships, as well as a future ministry! I have indeed learned quite a bit lately... oh and LOVED what you said here: " The myth is that relationships are 50-50. But who wants a partner that only gives 50%? Isn't that failing in school? Expect 100%, but give it also." So right on target.
What else is on your mind about this subject? As you can see from past posts, I love it when people pour themselves into a topic like this, so I'd love to hear your imput. Especially from someone who is now married and has been through the single scene already.
Hey Steph! I've been married 15 years. Married my high school sweetheart. I don't know if that counts, because I was still practically a child when I fell in love! But, I knew the moment we danced that he was the one. Sounds mushy and fairy tale-ish, but it's true.
I think a lot of what you said rings true. If he really loves you, he will sacrifice for you. If you really love him, vice versa. It's kind of like what goes around comes around. If you are filling his "love tank", he's naturally going to fill yours in return.
I can also say this. Love is blind. There was a point in my marriage where things got very, very difficult, and I didn't see the truth in front of me, because I was so blinded by love for my husband. So yes, it is very important to be true to yourself. You can't fail if God is first in your life, then your spouse, then family and then blogging friends after that!
B: I'm absolutely with you there 100%. NO questions asked. Thanks for stopping by!
B: You're a lurker too!? Great! lol! If all lurkers are as nice as you and Jay and her sister, I want more! lol
Shenna: Your story is VERY VERY sweet! Yes it IS very important to stay true to yourself! I was accomodating to a fault... to the point where I'd lose myself time and time again: all in the name of love. *rolling eyes* It's a tough lesson to learn, but if you're "blinded" by love, you're right: it will only get tough when the "honeymoon" is over.
Stephanie - I've thought of this and came to the realization that I've never been "in-love" though I have "loved" many a persons. Funny how semantics can change the entire meaning of everything you think of "love". For me love has always been something that is bigger than me, something that is beyond what I can give on my own. It is a release of my expectations, my requirements, my needs, my wants. It is moving past "me" to them. This doesn't make much sense but neither does love. If anything, love is something in us that isn't of us.
That all being said, I don't think I've ever been loved (semantically that someone has been "in love" with me). So in all honestly I don't know how I would respond.
I can give you my ideas of what I would do, but you know what I don't know and I may say what I hope I would do and you can talk to me a year from now and I will make a big liar of myself.
Sweety listen to the whispers of your heart. God is speaking truth to you and wants you to hear His words so that He can teach you and protect you from hurts. He will always push you to change but only ONLY for Him, only for His glory and for His working you into a greater picture of Christ. You only change for His will not for the will of others.
I might not make sense here, sorry.
Are you name dropping Mr. B? lol I know someone else who was good friends with her as well. (Until she moved, right? We're talking about the same woman, are we not?)
Katie: Totally and completely made sense. I especially like your last "mini paragraph": not just for myself, but for all of us. That goes back to that original thought from way back when when we were both writing about finding true unique selves in Christ... wow. Don't you love how everything is so cyclical? But yes, Katie, this made total and complete sense. I just love how your words just flow and they always produce such profound ideas. LOVE that about you. LOVE how God works through you. LOVE it.
Would love to give you some feedback or insight. I have an email link on my site right below my profile pic. You're welcome to email and ask whatever you want. Probably best just to start the dialog going first.
Looking forward to sharing what I can.
~Jef
love sucks
Love is God's greatest gift to us, even though it hurts some times.
Stopping in to say hi! Now I will read your post. lol.
hey stephanie.. you are soo correct! I needed to hear that..well i saw your blog on ambers blog so i decided to post... well check out my blog see ya later.. im going to start from the beginning and catch up
Hill: Sounds to me like you might just want to wait on her from this point on. If she's "unplugged" as you say, it might be best to let her make the next move. If nothing happens on her end... then maybe it's time to move on. Just my two cents. For what it's worth.
Steve: Nice seeing you around here again, stranger! Oh and to what you said: I concur. For now anyway. ;)
Shenna: I concur with that too.
Ben: Hi Ben! Hi Ben! How's the trip going?
afguy: Thanks for visiting! Have fun "catching up"! Hope my babbling doesn't scare you off! ;)
Hill: Glad I could be of help :)
B: I'm going to go out on a big fat limb and say... you married her? I very well may have just fallen off said limb and landed flat on my face, but at least I took an educated guess... so am I right?
You're that guy...?
Yeah, I would say that would be a bit misleading...
Well that's wonderful that he lead you in my particular direction. Tell him I say hi... oh, and that next time there's a concert at your church to please email me. I would love to come down and check one out sometime.
Yeah, I felt terrible for him. Please give him my best and tell him I've been thinking about him and praying for him.
check your email :)
I did :)
Very true words. So many times I've sacrificed for little in return.
I will say I've "sacrificed" for my current love and he's done just as much back to me. This kind of sacrifice doesn't feel like I'm losing anything at all which is wonderful.
http://fragilemusings.net
I've been away too long! I can't believe I've missed so much! What I would do now for love is different from what I would have done 10 or 15 years ago. We learn, we grow, we change. Love is so complicated sometimes and sometimes so very simple.
Yay Amstaff! You're back! I was kind of wondering where you've been lately ;)
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