"The LORD, He is God" Part 2

I skipped Theology recap Tuesday completely by accident. I promised in my comments yesterday that I would make up for it today. However, there was an extention to yesterday's comments section that no one was able to see which I would like to share with you today. It spoke to my heart in a pretty big way, so I'm hoping that you find it to be a blessing in your lives as well.

As I'm sure all of you saw, B. Gardner chose to comment on yesterday's post via email. I have Mr. B.'s permission to post yesterday's correspondence, so the following is the conversation that took place between B. and I:

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Stephanie,

Thanks for your kind posts on my blog - I want to respond to your post today, and figured it would be longer than I should post in your comments. I just want you to know that you are not the only one who feels the same as you do - espeically with your first paragraph today "How is it that we can feel so close to God one moment and so absolutely desolate and apart from Him the next?." Here's an excerpt from a post I made a few months ago on another blog of mine:
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"God will show his mercy forever and ever to those who worship and serve him." Luke 1:50.

This is the passage of the day in Max Lucado's book "Grace For the Moment." Max goes on to say that "God's delight is received upon surrender, not awarded upon request." He is so right, God, and I hear you talking to me through these words, yet surrendering 100% seems so difficult. I know that surrendering means giving you everything. All of the things that I hold on to. All of the things that I think have value. Again, it's about obedience, not about discernment. You ask me to give it all up to you. Shane says to be the greatest, you need to become the least. But how can I do that when I want to see a reward? I should be doing it soley for the reason of pleasing you.

But I want something in return. Why is that? Why am I so selfish? Sometimes I want to surrender so that I can feel your presence. I should surrender because I love you. And that should be it. Nothing more to the story. I think the main reason I'm afraid to surrender is because I feel that I will be giving something up. Giving up things that make me happy. They shouldn't. But they do. Somewhere in my mind I truly know that life goes back in the box. As do the things that we enjoy in life. When you ask me to surrender, I know you want every piece of me. Not a part of me. Not most of me. All of me.

For just a glimpse the other day, I was there. At the edge of the canyon, with nothing in between us. I would have walked off the cliff if you had asked me to - for I knew that your hands were there to catch me. But then reality sinked it's teeth back into me, and our moment was gone. Back to life. Back to reality. And every hour he tries to pull me back into his world. By telling me that I can't be with you 100% of the time. And sometimes I believe him.

Just because I don't feel your presence all the time like I did on my way home, doesn't mean you're not with me, right? That was a time for you to breathe life into me, right? To show me that you have not left me, and that I am welcome home, right?

I stand at the edge of the canyon God and declare spiritual bankruptcy. I have nothing but debt. Nothing saved up, nothing to offer to you other than myself. I need you to extend your grace, and wipe my slate clean. I need you to do what you've done for others, and save me. And I know that I haven't done anything bad, other than live in the world, and push you aside. There isn't the "unforgiveable sin" this time. But I also realize and understand that in your eyes, sin is sin. Whether it be an isolated incident, or simply drifting from you.

Our encounter the other day was enough for me to continue. Enough for me to know that you're there, and that you haven't abandoned me. I'm pretty sure that's why it happened. To give me hope. To give me the motivation to keep going. I thirst, God, and want to thank you for the cup of water you gave me. But I'm still here in the desert and I continue to thirst...
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From a fellow Christian,
Mr. B =)

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Mr. B:

Thank you for your thoughts. This is a very rough time for me, so rough in fact, that my faith, and the very theology that I've built that faith upon has been rocked. I've been finding that it's always about going back to the Word. Even if we don't want to. Even if we feel spiritually bankrupt. The answer always lies in God and His Word. Each and every time. And you know, often times I submit for the feeling too. But you make such a good point: it's about submission for the sake of love and nothing more. If we submit on account of our love and reverence for our Creator, He will bless that. He will bless us for that: and perhaps the feeling we get from that is greater... because it's effects are long-lasting. The effects are an edification, a building up of our faith that we wouldn't have had before we began; a connectedness with our Lord that can never be broken. I'm starting to think I'd take that over a fleeting feeling anyday.

In Him,

~Stephanie

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Stephanie,

I'd like to share another blog post of mine:
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"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." Words taken from 'The Road Not Taken' written by Robert Frost.

For some reason, God, you have always revealed things to me this way. I can't remember when I was introduced to this poem by Robert Frost, but I truly believe you did it with the intentions of teaching me a lesson. Why is it that we are always asked to choose between two things? I guess deep down I know the answer - you want to teach us something. You want us to understand that going down the road less traveled will end up in a totally loving relationship with you. But why is it that the temptation of going my own way always seems more inviting? Especially when I know how good it feels to live life your way? You know that for me, it's never been about discernment, rather about obedience. I know what will result when I choose not to take the road less traveled by - yet I still do it. How strong is the correlation between my relationship with you and the ability to choose right from wrong? I mean, why can't I just simply understand the decision before it's made, and realize that the consequences of my actions will take me further from you?

I guess that makes me the prodigal son. I have strayed from you. I have abandoned our friendship, and have replaced you with other things. I have fled from a home that welcomed me, and that provided me a love like no other. I'm sorry. I feel guilt. But here I am, God. A child lost. A son broken. I long to be back in your arms. I long for you to blanket me with love. But before you take me back, please help me to understand where I went wrong and how I managed to become so far from you. These are the things I hope to learn along the way back to you - so that during my journey home, your grace will be revealed in ways that will only make me stronger. I want you to have all of me, not just part of me. Before I come home and back to you, I want to be whole...
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We all question life sometimes. We all question God, and his ability to extend grace. I feel sometimes I am beyond that, but deep in my heart I know better. If you have questions, ask God. If you have worries, tell him. I'm sorry to hear about your rough times. I want to encourage you not go to God if you're feeling spiritually bankrupt. He doesn't want our pride. He wants to know we are hurting and that we are totally and completely dependant on him. He will reveal himself to you - in a way that will make you realize that he's the only way.

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This is where I'd like to interject and point out that we had a bit of a misunderstanding. It read in B.'s last email: "I want to encourage you not go to God if you're feeling spiritually bankrupt. He doesn't want our pride." (This was a typo on his part, but either way, I responded to it:

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Mr. B.:

"Beautiful and amazing. I can absolutely relate to this too. Thank you so much for sharing all of this - you have really been ministering to me in a huge way today. "I want to encourage you not go to God if you're feeling spiritually bankrupt. He doesn't want out pride." I don't however, fully agree with this. I do agree that he doesn't want our pride. I would suppose, that it really depends on each individual's definition of "spiritual bankruptcy". For me, it's that image I portrayed in my post today about "plopping on the ground, wondering just where God went". For me, it was a slow process of a lack of feeding myself spiritually until I found myself in a place where the enemy was feeding me questions about God's existence: about Jesus' reality. Not that I ever turned away: but I seriously doubted. Like I said earlier, my faith was rocked. And when that person told me to pretend: well you know what? I'm sure God was grateful enough in the fact that I mustered up enough faith to open his Word and to start reading. He's perfectly capable of turning our hearts back toward Him even if all we give Him is obedience for the sake of being obedient. God knows we're human, and that our sin nature keeps us impure. He works with what little we're willing to give Him - because he's merciful. He gives us what we don't deserve: Grace. We're pardoned - every last bit of us is pardoned through Jesus Christ. And I'm going to stop and help myself off of my soap-box now. I certainly hope you don't think I'm being combative for the sake of debate. I just truly believe this in my heart of hearts because I experienced His mercy last night in the midst of my doubt: I pretended, I opened up that Book, and I was amazed at how God ministered to my heart in the end.

I can see why you enjoy writing so much: you truly excel at it. God has given you quite a gift.

~Stephanie

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Well, what poor unsuspecting Mr. B. had intended to say in his last email was, "I want to encourage you to go to God if you're feeling spiritually bankrupt. He doesn't want our pride." So the poor man basically got an earful for a misprint. But it made for great conversation! Read on:

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Stephanie-

The few things I have sent you from my blogs were from back in August. About a year or so up until that point, I drifted spiritually. Towards the end of July, and into early August, I began to feel the spirit talking to me about the whole idea of the prodigal son. That is exactly how I felt. I'm going to post a link to my original blog, which was more or less my prayer blog to God. If you truly want insight into what I was feeling, read all of the posts. (Some aren't in recent posts list, but in the archives) I think you might be in a similar spot, so I thought giving you this link would help: http://www.withoutarmor.blogspot.com/ "I just truly believe this in my heart of hearts because I experienced His mercy last night in the midst of my doubt." My post "Like a Waterfall" portrays the very same thing that happend to me - and my reference in Spiritual Bankruptcy about standing at the edge of the canyon was in response to that moment when I met God. If you happen to have Chris Tomlin's CD "Not to Us", listen to the last song, "Overflow." This was the song I was listening to when that moment occurred.

Mr. B

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So! Check out Mr. B's other blog for some truly inspirational musings. I'd like to thank Mr. B. for engaging me in some wonderful, edifying conversation, and presenting a challenge to me in my walk with God. I was truly blessed by yesterday's conversation, and I hope that you all have found a little something in it to have blessed your day today as well.