Dating Resume

In light of yesterday's post, I began to wonder: If I could create an application, or accept "dating resumes", what kind of qualifications would one need to have in order to be asked to come in for a interview/first date? What types of questions would I ask on this application? There are some things that are very important that would most likely never be shared on a first date, nor would one likely ask, for fear of being completely rude:

Example #1. Do you or any of your family members have a history of mental illness? If so, please explain. In detail. *Disclaimer: I'm not saying that this immediately disqualifies a candidate, however you need to have this thing under control. Or it just won't work.* (I would also like to point out, that I shouldn't say that this sort of information would never be shared on a date: and if it is, run! Here's why. About two years ago, this (seemingly normal) guy took me out, and on our first date, went through every single detail of his "mental instability": what type it was, the meds he was on, and how living with his mother his whole life was truly a God-send for him. He was 38.)

Example #2. Do you currently, or have you ever, looked at animal cruelty as a sport? ie: kicking dogs, using cats as bowling balls and launching them against kitchen cupboards, etc. (I've witnessed these things. NOT pretty - and rather infuriating) In addition, do animals repulse you? Because if so, you can throw out this application immediately. Thank you for your interest.

Example #3. Do you have any type of serious addictions/bad habits that you haven't contained? ie: alcoholism, drug addictions... and yes, cigarette smoking is also a big no no.

Example #4. Do you, or anyone that you spend a significant amount of time with, spend any time at all partaking in frat-style parties? ie: chugging beer, etc. Do you find programs such as "Southpark" humorous? Do you actually use phrases such as, "I ain't", "I aks him" or "I says to him", and really think that you are using proper grammar?

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Necessary Qualifications:

*MUST LOVE GOD

* Must love music. (In addition, must be open to, and (somewhat) excited about, listening to me sing. It's a daily occurence. At home, at church. My voice is everywhere. Love it, or keep walkin'.)

* Must be open to, or currently involved in ministry

*Must love animals

* Must adore children

* Must fall into one of the following catergories: in school, completed school, or have aspirations to be something- anything as long as you'll be able to support a family someday. And it's legal.

* Must have a hobby: because I don't want to be it.

* Must have good sense of humor. Because if you can't laugh at yourself and the world around you, then that means you most likely won't make me laugh either. And I LOVE to laugh. I laugh at myself all the time!

* Must enjoy the outdoors

* Must enjoy travel

* Must not have any unresolved anger issues. Even if you are in mid-resolution, I can work with that. But I will NOT be the one who fixes it for you.

* Must be able to admit when you're wrong.

* Must not have committment issues. I don't have time for that.

and lastly...

* Must have head out of own butt. Or again, this will not work.

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In an effort to better dating for all mankind, your feedback would be greatly appreciated. Am I missing anything? Any suggestions/comments/additions you would like to make? What are your qualifications?