What I NOW Know...

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me." - Psalm 138:7

Did you ever get the feeling that when your life is a complete disaster area, you know absolutely nothing? But then when the dust settles, and you finally get a chance to step out of said disaster, stand at ground zero and really evaluate the aftermath, you realize that you've come out of it SO much more knowledgable, wiser, and a little more guarded than you were before? This parallels with the old saying, "if only I knew then, what I know now". And how annoying is that?! Because seriously? What IF I knew then what I know now? Of course I would have probably not felt as much pain, anxiety, and even depression as I did in mid-turmoil, but would I have learned anything from it?

God doesn't let us face trials and troubles so our hearts can be heavy with grief and sorrow. He wants us to learn from our pain so he can lift us up out of the muck to a higher place of wisdom, knowledge, and right relationship with Him: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4) This really gives true meaning to the verse 1 Thes 5:16-18 which says: "Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus". Even in times of trials folks, we are to be giving thanks.

In the earlier times of our walk, it's harder to fully grasp this concept, because we don't quite come to the full understanding that "...in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according according to His purpose." (Rom 8:28) When I first started my walk with Christ, I used to joke and ask, "so when my dog dies, am I suppoed to say, "thanks... God... for letting my dog die... cause I'm...learning... something?...from this... I think?" Well... kind of. I had the "learning something" part down. But it's what we learn that is so crucial. It's what we're praying for in the midst of our trials which determines what place we'll be in when we come out the other end. If we're praying for wisdom, knowledge, peace of mind we'll get it. It says this in 1 Peter 5:6-7,10: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." "And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." So what this tells me is that even during my storms, if I cast my cares at His feet, give thanks in all things, and be in constant prayer, I will see victory in Christ Jesus? What a promise!

Over this past summer, I have endured what I have deemed to be "my festival of change". Emotionally, I was knocked down, beaten, and knocked down again, and eventually found myself in a place of complete and total misery. I could barely sleep I was such a wreck. Finally, I found myself standing at ground zero surveying the damage, and could not believe what I was seeing. And then it hit me: "I actually let all of this happen to me..."I thought to myself, "How did I ever let my life get this out of control?!" This is when God gently spoke to me and said, "Because you didn't have your eyes fixed on me. You weren't looking to me for your strength, you were looking to others." Nooooooo kidding.

From that point on it has been an uphill climb (mountain, hill, whatever) , and over a short period of time, I can't even begin to tell you how much growth and change I've seen within my own life. The lessons I have learned, the wisdom I have recieved, the strenth and knowledge I have gained, as well as my surmounting love for my Father, are all a result of having submitted myself and my life to God while enduring my trials. God IS as faithful as he promises to be. My victories and the victories of millions of others are solid proof of that.