Pay No Attention to the Heart On My Sleeve!

Do you think there's a medication for the poor soul who can't contain thier emotions? They have medication for everything else: feeling blue? Take some Prozac! Little jittery? Why not try Paxil? There is a myriad of disorders, and a comperable myriad of medicinal remedies to counteract the problems. So where's my drug?!?

You see, I have this problem, of which, if you knew me in the three dimentional world, you would see after five minutes of talking to me: I. Am. Extremely. Emotional. Not in a crazy, cross-your-eyes-at-me-and-I'll-start-crying sort of way, and certainly not in a wierd, can't-contain-my-anger sort of way, but well, the only way I can describe it, is by saying that I'm very animated. My closest friends laugh because I apparently have very vivid facial expressions for the majority of the basic emotions: happiness, sadness, surprise, shock, etc... and these faces are amplified ten-fold apparently when I tell stories. I'm very easily excitable, and I laugh hard, with arms flailing about when I find something incredibly amusing.
I even have some wierd sound I apparently make when I get really excited about expressing discontent about something, and it usually comes out by my sticking out my tounge, and blurting, "bleh!" Now for those of you who thought of me as the eloquent, sophisticated type, I know. I just burst your bubble in a serious way, and for that, I am truly sorry. But that's just the way it goes. I'm just laying it all out there for the whole world to see... my absurdity.

Okay, so I'm animated, yes, we've covered that. Then there is the girly-emotional side of me. Boo, this is the part I'm hugely not a fan of. See, when I experience an intense emotion, of any kind, it likely won't stay deep in the recesses of my mind so that I may ponder it, accurately calculate the origin, and appropriateness of said emotion. One would do this in an effort to convey in an eloquent way, a sugar-coated version of one's true feelings. But I am not "one". I am "Stephanie. Heart on the Sleeve Girl". Welcome to my world; where emotions run high, and the will to put on a mask to hide true feelings runs very, very low. I will tell you before you decide to warn everyone you know about me, or run screaming in the other direction yourselves, that while I may be bad at hiding my initial reaction to an unpleasant situation, I never come right out commencing with the screaming, crying, and tantrum-throwing. No no. Too sophisticated for that. heh. I do, however, have a facial-contortion problem. I can't make it smile when I'm frowning on the inside. So usually within seconds, I've conveyed to the whole room my reaction to any given unpleasant situation. Keep in mind, this type of silent emotional outburst generally only happens if I'm presented with something of which I feel VERY STRONGLY about. If it's a small ("grrr... I really disagree with that) type thing, then (if necessary) the actress in me comes out: and trust me, I can put on a really good face when I have to. But really, God did not wire me to be emotionally passive. So if someone hurts my feelings, they'll know it.

So, knowing this about myself, if I feel this "silent emotional outburst" coming on, I usually have to remove myself from the room, as to avoid making a scene. And this "scene" I speak of, is not usually brought on by yours truly, rather, one of my dear, ever-so-concerned friends who just insist on knowing what's wrong at that very moment: in the middle of a crowded room, or just generally in the most innappropriate place in which to talk about said problem. I love my friends dearly, but don't you know by now? It's for this reason that I really wish sometimes that I could "bottle it all up". You know the type:

"What's wrong"?

*In a snippy tone*, "Nothing."

"No, really. You can tell me. What's going on?"

"I. Said. Nothing."

Ooooookay! End of conversation! But just as quickly as that person gets mad, they just as quickly and easily get over it! But that person always winds up miserable because they rarely talk about thier problems. Horse a piece I guess. They have problems, I have problems, who doesn't have problems? But honestly, God please bless my friends, for they are patient people. heh. But hey! They reap thier rewards! While I may wear my heart on my sleeve for the whole world to see, at the same time, if you treat me right, I'll be your best friend... and in some cases, even if you don't treat me right. (We're working on that...) *See Discovering Self.*

So in conclusion, I want to be normal, I do! But again, God did not wire me to be, so I have to make due. So God bless my friends, my family, and the brave soul who may someday choose take me on for the rest of his life. Whoo! That's a tall order! Let's hope he's out there prepping now. Maybe I'm the one who should be filling out the dating application. I may have had that one flip-flopped yesterday. :)

***Disclaimer: I am not certifiably nuts. I am, however, slightly dramatic, and have been my whole life. That's just the way it is. But in the words of Amber, I am a hoot to be around though! ;)***