I'm Back!!!

Well, it's official: your friend who you all thought had fallen off the face of the planet is officially back home, armed with many pictures and tales to share about her stay in the Caribbean. I would like to first and foremost, thank you all for the prayers, emails, and words of encouragement while I was away. There's something very calming about knowing that many people, many who you know, and many who you don't, who are covering you in prayer while you're serving in a foreign country.

Many of you asked for details, a couple of you asked for specifics: what were my best and worst experiences while I was gone? Eventually I will share everything I can, but first I would like to give you yet another visual with pictures. Trust me... the stories will come. But as it was before, I need to process things a little bit and settle in here first before I can really get into detail with you about what I experienced.

There is just something breathtaking about this country. Through all the wickedness and poverty, God still shows His face: especially at dusk.

My old roommate and I with our kindergarten class. Aren't they precious?

If I had one wish in the world, it would have been to take these three boys home with me. I'm sponsoring two of them: the oldest and the youngest. The little one, M., was my baby while I was there: and still is. He was attatched to my hip from beginning to end, and I was just as equally attatched to him. I taught him eskimo and butterfly kisses, and he taught me what the love of a mother for her child must truly feel like. I miss my baby.

This girl, H., is one of my two adopted little sisters. At 13, she is warm, sweet, compassionate, BEAUTIFUL, funny, and so very special to my heart. God really blessed me by putting her in my life, and I hope to continue to be a blessing to her as time goes by.

As the days pass, and my time in Jamaica seems farther and farther away from me, one word describes what I'm feeling about being away from my second home: numb. I feel like I've been walking around like a zombie for the past five days: robotically doing what I have to do - finding a job, going to Christmas musical practice, etc... but not REALLY comprehending that I'm not "home" with my kids and my new friends. I made bonds and friendships down in Jamaica that can never be replaced or forgotten, and it's almost surreal having to come to grips with the fact that none of those people are right here with me anymore. All of it is just really hard to swallow. On top of which, it's just difficult having to readjust to this culture. Truthfully, I've felt guitly for driving my nice car, sleeping in my squishy bed, and just generally living in my nice apartment - all things that most, if not ALL of my friends back in Jamaica have no clue about. I often wonder: who am I, that I get to have all of these nice things, when some people back home have to WALK part ways up the mountain, just to get to work everyday?

An experience like this truly changes one's perspective, that's for sure. And until I really settle in here and figure out exactly how this experience has affected me, I suppose I'll continue to feel this way. Call it culture shock, re-entry shock... call it what you will. But I say that it's God working in me to change my perspective: to give me a greater appreciation for what I have here at home, and most importantly: to give me a greater compassion than I already had, for those who aren't as priveledged as we are here in the States. Maybe I am called to missions. Only God knows that answer, and in due time, He will tell. But in the meantime, I will continue to long for my second home, and pray for those who have impacted my life in such a tremendous way.

I miss Jamaica and all the people I have grown to love there with all my heart and soul: but I know I have obligations and things to take care of back here for now. I am glad to be home in a sense... but my soul will always weep for my mountain... and for my kids.