Dear Jadon...

Mr. Lavik, I must confess. I didn't know you were seriously dating anyone. I didn't know you were on the concorde express to marriage-dom when I wrote this. I really didn't! It was actually just an attempt to entertain my readers, and (especially) myself.

Recently I saw on your blog (yes, I found your blog, and yes, you can now call me a stalker) this picture of you and your beautiful new bride... Stephanie.

But NOT before some sneaky-peak person visited my site from San Clemente, CA WHICH I found out happens to be your hometown (yes, I'm a private investigator too, didn't you know?), and left me THIS comment:

"Anonymous said...
Jadon's engaged. So I think your outta luck!"

I must admit, that, while I'm thrilled for you, I was a bit sad for myself that my grande attempts at stalkerdom failed me miserably. Ah well... such is life I guess. However, since then, I have seen that same person return to my site a few times, and I have now come up with the following conclusions.

It is either:

A. You (Jadon) visiting me for a good hearty laugh. (Which, yes, you were supposed to Google yourself and find me... but you were supposed to fall in love. Not laugh.)

B. You (Jadon) and your wife visiting me for a good hearty laugh together.

or

C. You (yes, you Jadon) and your friends... visiting me for a good hearty laugh. Together.

But I am here today, my friend, to tell you that your time under the sun has passed. That's right! I have moved on. And while I will always cherish your vocal stylings (cause let's face it - ANY man who can sing well is good in my book - not enough of you (men who can sing) out there by the way), I have set my sights on an even more unrealistic target. A more highly visible man who shares an even more similar taste in music as me. Someone who, for a lack of a better way to describe it, should have been born black too- just like me. The fact is - this man has SOUL. And I can't think of a better, more unrealistic fantasy man to pine after than America's very own musical idol...

Taylor Hicks.

I tried to get a picture of him, but blogger would not let me, so allow me to give you a visual with words:

With his silver hair, tall physique, classic taste in dress, and his captivating green eyes that almost say to me... "Stephanie... you're the one..."... Do you even wonder then, why he is my new crush?

I read an article in People Magazine that told me in many more words, that he's the man of my dreams. How do I figure, you ask?

He's a lover of jazz (check!), the man has SOUL (check!), he's tall (check! check!), his ideal of a relaxing Sunday afternoon: putting on a potroast, listening to jazz, all while enjoying the view from his balcony (oh check!check!check!). He doesn't play games, he is kind, considerate, sweet, and yet charming - full of passion for all the same things as me.

Well...

...except for the whole loving God thing.

But we can pray him into a relationship with Christ, can't we? That's... um... easy enough! Suuuure. Not a problem. Future relationship with Christ? (check!!!!!!!!) See? So once that happens, then we can start our music ministry together!

Don't you just love how my mind works?

So, sorry Jadon. The laughs must cease, because you are no longer the man of my dreams: mainly because you failed to meet one of my requirements. (See letter F on my post of how to woo me.) So, after this post has been up for a day or two, I'll be RE-posting "How to Woo Me..." replacing you (Jadon) with my future husband-man (Taylor Hicks).

**********************

**Disclaimer - I am really not this crazy: this is simply yet again an attempt to entertain myself. Jadon, your music is excellent, and I really do enjoy it. Blessings to you and your wife in your new lives together.

Taylor, I really do think we'd be perfect for one another - being that we're both soulful singers and all (see above for more details) - but I'm sure you have a million women telling you the same thing. I really enjoy your voice and your music, and can't wait to see what the future holds for your career. God bless.**

***To my readers: if you think that people who you talk about on your blogs don't find you - think again. Katie - I'll bet you Shane has taken a peek at your blog once or twice too. Do you think we might be on to something here?!**

Thank God For Great Girlfriends!

What would I do without my girlfriends?

I'd have no one to talk to about whatever we want

No one's shoulder to cry on when things get tough

I'd have no one to listen, no one to vent to,

No one laugh with when the latest date falls apart.

I'd have no one to occupy a table for hours with

Talking about life, love, and the pursuit of husbands,

While the restaurant staff sweeps up around us

Cause the place closed up - an hour ago!

I'd have no one to drink a pot of coffee with

over a good chat, just she and I

while the kids run circles around us screaming

and somehow we still manage to get a word in edgewise

I'd have no one to call when I'm feeling a bit lonely

No one to make me laugh right out loud

No one to agree that "that guy was a JERK!"

No one to carry those burdens along with me.

Thank God for my girlfriends!

Without them, I don't know what I'd do!

My life would be rather empty

Void of so many joys...

Guys don't know what they're missing out on...

Cause there's nothing in the world like great girlfriends.

Prayer Request!

"...and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much" (James 5:16).

Dear Friends:

You may remember that back when I was in Jamaica, I insisted on being one of the boys. I sweat, I toiled, I lugged concrete buckets down and up the side of a mountain in the sweltering heat, helping the guys create a set of stairs for the orphanage.

It was difficult, but gratifying work, resulting in, not only a new set of concrete stairs, but a little mini-victory within myself: I did it!! (Or helped do it anyway...)

Well, the part of the story I didn't tell you, was, ever since that day, I have been experiencing rather intrusive heart palpitations. Some days it's mild: I'll only have a couple small, momentary flutters - no big deal. Other days, I'll have upwards of twenty to thirty palpitations, ranging from mild to knock-the-wind-out-of-me startling. At first I thought it might be anxiety. Shortly thereafter, I realized I was very wrong.

On a day like that, when I felt as if my heart would stop if I had one more stinkin' skipped beat, I called my doctor's office after hours and explained my problem - they sent me to the E.R.

Two thousand dollars and no diagnosis later, I was sent home with a simple, "it's nothing. It will just be an annoyance to you. Follow up with your doctor when you can if it continues."

Seeing that I don't have health insurance, I really didn't want to go to the doctor for this now that I've already wasted all this money on nothing. Besides, in my mind, I hadn't keeled over yet: I could wait another month or two.

Well, one day last week, I took an antihistamine for my allergies, and it suddenly seemed that my blood pressure dropped. It was exhausting to even just sit on the couch. I was having palpitations like there was no tomorrow, and I thought my heart was going to leap right out of my chest - NO GOOD.

So I finally gave in, called my doctor, made an appointment, and saw him two days later. He listened intently to my heart and told me two things:

1. You have a murmur. (Okay doc, plenty of people have murmurs. What else?)

2. You have a condition called Mitral Valve Prolapse. We can put you on heart meds so you experience less of the symptoms, but they'll make you real tired.

Okaaaaaay.... I choose to stay awake, thank you!

So from what I understand, it's really not life-threatening. All it is, is a faulty valve that in turn, can cause some really WIERD side-effects (ie: the palpitations I've been having, fatigue, anxiety, among many other things.) It is fairly common (as far as heart conditions are concerned), however, upon reading more about it on my own, I found that it can also cause more serious complications if it gets worse, that of which I'm not going to get into because they're no fun, really scary, and more importantly....

I'm believing for healing. So I'm not going to worry about them.

So this whole big long story, is all in an attempt to ask you for your prayers. God has me headed on a mission in two and a half months, doing something I've never done before - doing nothing but HIS work for three straight months! I want to be in tip-top shape!! I don't need some "heart thing" slowing me down!

So please keep me in your prayers that God will heal me of this. The funny thing is, something like this would have normally sent me in a tailspin, absolutely freaking out with a ton of "what if's" about what this will do to me. But you know what I've learned more recently that has kept me at total peace about this whole thing?

My God is bigger. He's BIGGER than this heart problem, He's bigger than anything that I could ever imagine or conjure up that might slow me down or get in my way, or any sort of curve ball that the enemy might try to hit me with. Jesus is bigger, He's better, and He's my protector: and please just pray that His healing touch would come down upon me before I leave for this trip. I'm already thanking Him for it, so let's make it happen!

"And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up" (James 5:15).

Thank you friends, for all your support and prayers in other areas in my life- and thank you in advance for your prayers in this as well.

Have a blessed week everyone!

The Theme Song To My Life Right Now...

I'm sure you've all heard it: it's that song that gets your blood pumping. It almost seems to lift your spirit from where you are now, to where you should be... where you want to be... where you KNOW you're supposed to be.

Songs like this will not soon be forgotton, because they harbor a small place in our hearts where we once lent it the keys to unlock our imagination, the keys to our heart, or to the very floodgates of our souls.

Music touches us all in many different ways: but moreso than not, music has a way touching lives, impacting the hearts of all who hear it, changing perspectives, calming restless souls: ushering us to a place within ourselves where we can connect the physical, the spiritual, the mental, and the emotional, to even for a fleeting moment, create a sense of total peace - when we hear that perfect song.

I'd like to share with you a song that I stumbled across which pretty much gives life to the feelings that I have been harboring inside of me for sometime now. When I hear this song (however pop-y and bubble-gum sounding it may be), it takes me to the place that I mentioned before. It reminds me of where I not only SHOULD be, but of where I am going rather soon.

God has a way of using music in my life to remind me of the things that I have let go of since growing into adulthood: the sense of wonderment that I used to carry with me - I was always such a dreamer, and still am to a point. But I ALWAYS carried this feeling within me when I was younger of a longing for adventure, discovery, fulfillment. This song reminds me of that feeling, but also reminds me that I'm about to embark on an adventure that is going to quench that thirst that I've been harboring within me - that I almost let myself forget about.

NATASHA BEDINGFIELD LYRICS

Unwritten

I am unwritten,
can't read my mind,
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning,
the pen's in my hand,
ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition,
sometimes my tries,
are outside the lines
We've been conditioned
to not make mistakes,
but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

**To hear the song, you can just hop over to my MySpace site: it should start automatically.**

God's Gifts

My friend "E" is a very talented photographer. I use the term "friend" kind of loosely, because up until she announced that she was leaving to go back to Germany for a time, she and I barely had a chance to get to know one another. Therefore, I didn't know about her talents until recently, when she invited me over to her house for a "goodbye lunch" and a chat, and asked if she could take some pictures of me while I was there. She said that if any of them turned out really well, that I should consider using them for my first CD cover. heh. Let me tell you how much THAT freaked me out.

Without getting into TOO much detail (hate to spread news when I'm not even sure I have all the facts straight yet), God has been dealing with me on some things in that general area (music/worship), so when "E" started boldly speaking into my life like that, well, let's just say I was a little floored. God is so faithful to us in ALL areas of our lives, we just need to develop a sensitivity to His Spirit to be able to "hear" Him when He speaks to our hearts. I've been really trying to follow His lead these days, and the results have been simply incredible.

Well, I could probably just dance all over this soap box of mine tonight, but I'll leave that for the next post (consider it a teaser). In the meantime, I wanted to share with you a couple of the results of our little "photo shoot" last week, and brag a little all over my very talented friend "E".

I really liked this one because of the lighting. And believe it or not, the backdrop for this picture is her kitchen wall next to the patio door. Perfect coloring, perfect lighting: but she captured it in a way that I don't think I ever could have.

This again was a lighting thing for me. The backdrop wasn't so great, but you deal with what you have to work with when you're amateurs.

Now I could really see using something like this for a cd cover. This is by far my favorite picture out of the bunch that she gave me.

This is "E". Isn't she gorgeous? AND talented?

I just love how God blesses us all with different and unique gifts and abilities: and I love watching them come together, taking shape and developing into something concrete and useful for the Kingdom.

So, thank you "E" for the blessing that you are to me and that I'm VERY sure you'll be to many MANY others as you go along in life.

I'll make sure to call you before that CD is released so you can put the "finishing touches" on it for me.

Good Morning Everyone!

So I'm sitting at my computer at 1:08 in the morning, to be exact, and my mind is going at a thousand miles a minute about everything and nothing at all. Don't you love when that happens?

You know, I really feel like I lost the will to blog as of late. It was so much easier when I sat at a desk all day long and had nothing but time on my hands. It actually was a blessing for me to have a job that enabled me to be able to think quite a bit and in turn, log it all on a journal online. (?) Blogging really is a funny concept when you really think about it, don't you think? You think, you write, total strangers read. Hmmm... Well, and now some of these total strangers have become wonderful friends, so blogging can't be all THAT bad!

Okay wow. I really have lost track of the whole reason I started this entry anyway. I guess I am a little tired after all. Well, since I totally lost my train of thought to begin with... anyone have any good stories? Wanna start a deep conversation about something controversial? Prayer requests?

Have a wonderful day (once it actually starts)! I'm going to the bed! Peace out!!

Seeking His Face

"Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always" (1 Chronicles 16:11).

May I always seek your face, oh Lord, even more today than the day before. Even more tomorrow than I did today. May I seek your face not for selfish gain, rather for you to prepare me, shape me, and ready me for whatever lies ahead, as I know that you will be using me in mighty ways to further your Kingdom. Breath within me your wisdom as I begin a new quest in seeking abundantly more of You.

"Breath on me...
Breath on me.
Holy Ghost power...
Breath on me.
Yesterday's gone
Today I'm in need.
Holy Ghost power
Breath on me."

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13)

May my heart yearn for You Father, as I seek your face morning noon and night. Give me the passion that burns deep within to press forward even through the deserts and the valleys. Never let me become complacent, as I no longer want to want to be a fairweather Christian. Shower me with your spirit, Lord, so that I might dive into the vast waters of your love, knowledge, wisdom, comfort, guidance, and peace.

"Rain on me

Rain on me.

Holy Ghost shower

Rain on me.

Yesterday's gone

Today I'm in need.

Holy Ghost shower

Rain on me."

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33).

Lord, keep me Kingdom-minded as I move forward in this life. Give me the strength to endure, the hope that is present only in You, the joy that comes only from thy salvation, and the wisdom to be effective wherever you choose to use me. Keep my heart in the right place at all times, oh Lord. Keep me on fire for you, that I might burn with a passion for Your Word, for Your purpose, and always for souls to be saved until my day on this earth is done.

"Burn in me

Burn in me.

Holy Ghost fire

Burn in me.

Yesterday's gone

Today I'm in need.

Holy Ghost fire

Burn in me."