Off I Go... Into The Wilderness-y Yonder

YA - Ministries' Young Adult Weekend 2005 is upon us folks! Well, that really doesn't mean much of anything to all of you: But it means a whole BUNCH to me!! I've been looking forward to this weekend all summer! (Well, due to circumstances of which I eluded to in earlier posts, I more recently became discouraged about my super great weekend - but my fears were aleviated, my excitement restored, and now I'm back to: I! can't! wait!) To give you a little idea of what in the world I'm so excited about:

Well, let me first start off by saying that since I had not been raised in the church, I really never had the priveledge of partaking in youth group, retreats, and all the other fun things that "lifer Christians" get to experience. However, I am blessed enough to be a part of a church which gets together with other AG churches in the area each fall, and hosts a young adult retreat at a Christian retreat center about two hours north of Milwaukee (in an eeeety beeety little town called Waupaca). Last year was the first "Y.A.M. Y.A.W." ever, and we had over 100 attendees. The weekend goes a little something like this:

Friday night:

Service
Pizza, Games, Fellowship

Saturday:

Breakfast
Service
Break-out sessions
Lunch
Flag football, volleyball, kickball (free time)
Dinner
Service
Bonfire, Hayrides, s'mores

Sunday:

Breakfast
Service
Head Home around noon

How fun is that? Last year was way too much fun, and I'm anticipating the same this year. I really actually wish that all of you could join me (because let's face it, how much fun would THAT be?!), but since that most likely won't happen, I'll have plenty of goofy stories and pictures to share with you all when I get back.

But that's a good idea, don't you think? Perhaps we should host a "Blogger Retreat 2006", and we can all meet somewhere like - Montana or something, and just hang out for a LONG weekend. Just a thought... :)

Boundaries, Take Two!

Just the other night, my roommate and I were out for dinner discussing boundaries and appropriateness in relationships (which obviously inspired yesterday's post). Today, she emailed me saying that she thought it funny that she should "just happen to come across this email" in light of our conversation the day before. In the words of Steve: "God Is Good" (sorry to have used your coined phrase. I hope you'll share just this once :) So, as an addition to yesterday's awesome discussion, I thought I'd share with you this devotional, so as to encourage all of you Christian singles in this area.

What Does It Mean To Live A "Victorious Christian Life"?

"You will be accepted if you respond in the right way. But if you refuse to respond correctly, then watch out! Sin is waiting to attack and destroy you, and you must subdue it."
Genesis 4:6 NLT

"But Daniel made up his mind not to defile himself by eating the food and wine given to them by the king. He asked the chief official for permission to eat other things instead.… God gave these four young men an unusual aptitude for learning the literature and science of the time. And God gave Daniel special ability in understanding the meanings of visions and dreams."
Daniel 1:8-17 NLT

Committed and Accountable Daniel, his friends, and many other young Hebrews had been carted off into captivity far from their culture, their temple, and their faith traditions. Suddenly exposed to the decadence of the king's table, most of them abandoned their commitment to purity and consumed the forbidden fare. But Daniel and his friends had already made a commitment to remain pure, and they had each other for accountability. We are more successful at resisting temptation when we have prepared for it. Determine ahead of time how you will respond in certain situations. And bolster your own resolve by sharing your commitment with another person or small accountability group. Doing so will prepare you to be used by God for his purposes.

Content is derived from God's Daily Promises

I'd like to thank you all again for your imput and all of the wonderful discussion yesterday on this topic. Have a blessed day everyone!

Question Time!

Today's Topic Of Discussion: Boundaries In Relationships.

I like to talk. We've covered this before, right? Okay, just checking. Because you need to know that when I say, "I've had a-LOT of conversations with my Christian friends and mentors about the issue of 'setting boundaries'", I mean ALOT of conversations. But seriously, I'm finding through these conversations that boundary-setting is a crucial step when establishing any relationship (romantic OR plutonic). All too often, a new relationship is captivating, exciting: and before we know it, before we've had a chance to sit down and really decide "what's acceptable and what's not", we've let things get out of control.

Unless we have a clear-cut set of boundaries established in our own minds before we engage in a new relationship of any kind with a member of the opposite sex, we're opening ourselves up to a world of trouble. Why don't some people set boundaries in Christian relationships / friendships? Well, some would say we shouldn't have to. Godly people should know better. Well you know, I've witnessed situations in which you would think the good Godly man would know better, but he didn't. And he wasn't respectful of his girlfriends or Christian female friends. What he thought was funny, just wasn't. It was just downright inappropriate and disrespectful. Plain and simple. But because boundaries weren't set by the women in his life, he just kept pushing the envelope until things spun out of control.

So here's the question of the day people: What do you, as a healthy, mindful, Christian single (or even not-so-single... don't want to leave you out- you can play too!) think is acceptable in a friendship between a Christian man and Christian woman? (I'm not trying to exclude the secular world, but you know that it's an "anything goes" type of society these days, so my demographic today is limited.)
* Should there be absolutely no physical contact whatsoever?
* Is a hug okay?
-Should that hug be limited to the friendly "side hug"?
* Ladies: How would you react if one of your guy friends slapped you on the rear "in jest"?

What, in your opinion, is or isn't physically acceptable in a dating relationship? Do those standards change in your mind once you become engaged?

Let's talk!

***Please take a moment and read the following article: http://www.singleness.org/agape.shtml

After some weighty discussion, my very insightful friend Katie recommended it, and it just blew me away. It is a wonderful, informative, soul-stirring read, and very pertinent to the topic at hand. Enjoy!***

What Do YOU Think?!?

So last night in class, as we were discussing the fall of Satan and his demons, my prof. proposed a "slightly" different theory about the time frame in which this actually happened. While the vast majority of us may think that this happened perhaps even before the heavens and the earth were even created, Mr. Professor Man seems to think that it happened right after Jesus was resurrected and raised up to heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father. Huh?! His proof can be found in the book of Revelation.

Revelation 12:1-17

The Woman, Isreal

1A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars; and she was with child; and she cried out, being in labor and in pain to give birth.

The Red Dragon, Satan

3Then another sign appeared in heaven: and behold, a great red dragon having seven heads were seven diadems. And his tail swept away a third of the stars of heaven and threw them to the earth. And the dragon stood before the woman who was about to give birth, so that when she gave birth, he might devour her child.

The Male Child, Christ

5And she gave birth to a son, a male child, who is to rule all the nations with a rod of iron; and her child was caught up to God and to His throne. Then the woman fled into the wilderness where she had a place prepared by God, so that there she would be nourished for one thousand two hundred and sixty days.

The Angel, Michael

7And there was war in heaven, Michael and his angels waging war with the dragon. The dragon and his angels waged war, and they were not strong enough, and there was no longer a place found for them in heaven. And the great dragon was thrown down, the serpent of old who is called the devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him. Then I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying,

"Now the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night. And they overcame him because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death. For this reason, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them. Woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has come down to you, having great wrath, knowing that he has only a short time."

13And when the dragon saw that he was thrown down to the earth, he persecuted the woman who gave birth to the male child. But the two wings of the great eagle were given to the woman, so that she could fly into the wilderness to her place, where she was nourished for a time and times and half a time, from the presence of the serpent. And the serpent poured water like a river out of his mouth after the woman, so that he might cause her to be swept away with the flood. But the earth helped the woman, and the earth opened its mouth and drank up the river which the dragon poured out of his mouth. So the dragon was enraged with the woman, and went off to make war with the rest of her children, who keep the commandments of God and hold to the testimony of Jesus.

Now, as much as I would like to share my take on this, I would like yours first. Do you think that my professor's theory could very well shake up your theology enough to make you question when the fall of Satan actually did happen? Or do you think he's lost it?

Let's talk, people! Let me know what you think!

What I NOW Know...

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me." - Psalm 138:7

Did you ever get the feeling that when your life is a complete disaster area, you know absolutely nothing? But then when the dust settles, and you finally get a chance to step out of said disaster, stand at ground zero and really evaluate the aftermath, you realize that you've come out of it SO much more knowledgable, wiser, and a little more guarded than you were before? This parallels with the old saying, "if only I knew then, what I know now". And how annoying is that?! Because seriously? What IF I knew then what I know now? Of course I would have probably not felt as much pain, anxiety, and even depression as I did in mid-turmoil, but would I have learned anything from it?

God doesn't let us face trials and troubles so our hearts can be heavy with grief and sorrow. He wants us to learn from our pain so he can lift us up out of the muck to a higher place of wisdom, knowledge, and right relationship with Him: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4) This really gives true meaning to the verse 1 Thes 5:16-18 which says: "Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus". Even in times of trials folks, we are to be giving thanks.

In the earlier times of our walk, it's harder to fully grasp this concept, because we don't quite come to the full understanding that "...in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according according to His purpose." (Rom 8:28) When I first started my walk with Christ, I used to joke and ask, "so when my dog dies, am I suppoed to say, "thanks... God... for letting my dog die... cause I'm...learning... something?...from this... I think?" Well... kind of. I had the "learning something" part down. But it's what we learn that is so crucial. It's what we're praying for in the midst of our trials which determines what place we'll be in when we come out the other end. If we're praying for wisdom, knowledge, peace of mind we'll get it. It says this in 1 Peter 5:6-7,10: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." "And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." So what this tells me is that even during my storms, if I cast my cares at His feet, give thanks in all things, and be in constant prayer, I will see victory in Christ Jesus? What a promise!

Over this past summer, I have endured what I have deemed to be "my festival of change". Emotionally, I was knocked down, beaten, and knocked down again, and eventually found myself in a place of complete and total misery. I could barely sleep I was such a wreck. Finally, I found myself standing at ground zero surveying the damage, and could not believe what I was seeing. And then it hit me: "I actually let all of this happen to me..."I thought to myself, "How did I ever let my life get this out of control?!" This is when God gently spoke to me and said, "Because you didn't have your eyes fixed on me. You weren't looking to me for your strength, you were looking to others." Nooooooo kidding.

From that point on it has been an uphill climb (mountain, hill, whatever) , and over a short period of time, I can't even begin to tell you how much growth and change I've seen within my own life. The lessons I have learned, the wisdom I have recieved, the strenth and knowledge I have gained, as well as my surmounting love for my Father, are all a result of having submitted myself and my life to God while enduring my trials. God IS as faithful as he promises to be. My victories and the victories of millions of others are solid proof of that.

Loves and Hates

Fellow blogger Katie posed a question today on her site which I thought was rather fun, and consequently decided to "borrow":

"What are the things that you love and hate about this world?"

I decided to start with my "hates", because I don't want to end on a bad note. So here it all is: in no particular order.

Things I hate: The fact that people often won't "let you in" in rush hour traffic, broken hearts, tears of sorrow, lost family who won't help themselves and knowing I can't help them either, drugs, watching people walk away from God, people who lack respect for others, pride, ignorance, pain, people who abuse thier children, men who obviously don't have brains in thier heads and hit women, the feeling I get when I think someone is mad at me or "has a bone to pick with me" (I feel like I'm six again, and in trouble with my parents), relational conflict (I can't stand fighting with the people that I love), knowing that I may have hurt someone - especially someone I care about, the smell of Lake Michigan, sometimes feeling like I don't have time to nurture the important relationships in my life, my tendency toward worrying about and over-analyzing almost everything, self-righteousness, dark gloomy days, suffering, death, and disease.

**Additions*** Brussel sprouts (told you I'd add to this list!)

Okay. On to the more beautiful side of life...

Loves: God, ALL of God's creation (desert, mountains, forests), the ocean and all the fun little (and big) creatures within it, a good thunderstorm, the smell of rain, soaking up the sun, mother nature in even her most wicked moments (because even those are beautiful!), the smell of a dewey early morning, sunsets, fall and everything about it (crisp mornings, chilly days, jeans and long sleeves, the colors, homemade applesauce, pumpkin candles, big fluffy blankets, I could go on and on), music, singing, worshipping God, animals, children and kids of all ages (I'm a kid magnet- put me in a one mile radius of any child and they will somehow find thier way right into my lap), family, the comforting hug that only my mom can give, friends, my best friends who can make me laugh harder than anyone else and who will let me cry on thier shoulder when I "just can't anymore", being that friend to them, meeting and getting to know new people, gentlemen, new friendships, watching someone "discover God", leading people to the Lord and witnessing God's work, a new love interest, a lingering look shared with a stranger, falling in love, laughing until I cry (very often at myself), my creativity and the fact that it's actually a really ligitimate excuse for some of my biggest shortcomings, writing, lyrics and poetry, learning, Theology (it's a GREAT class!), coffee, coffee shops, a good guitar player (come on.. you know that coffee shops and guitar players sometimes go hand in hand!), a relaxing night at home (believe it or not, I'm doing that right now, and it's great!!) good jazz, warm summer nights, and a really good squishy hug.

***Additions*** A one-on-one conversation that lasts all night.(more additions to come, I'm sure!)

Yes, I'm really done! I realized that a few of the aforementioned loves and hates kind of strayed from the topic at hand, but... oh well! It's my site, I make the rules ;)
Also, Please note that my lists are subject to changes and additions at any given moment, and that very well may happen on account of one of my other hates that I forgot to mention: my forgetful nature. :)

Ah, Mondays...

Who couldn't use a good laugh on a Monday? Me, flopped on the bed in my hotel, laughing so hard I could barely breath. I don't know why, but I think this picture is just hilarious. Phoenix, AZ 2005














View from my hike around Bell Rock - My favorite spot in Sedona, AZ 2004














View from the Sedona Airport - Enjoy! Sedona, AZ 2004








Smile! Me in Phoenix, AZ 2005



















Tranquil Scenes from La Jolla Shores where the fateful surfing accident took place. (Pics of that to come) La Jolla Shores, CA 2004

That's it folks! I also have some great pics from a Hawaiian party we had not too long ago. It's a great testament to how much of a fool I can make of myself if I really try! Until I get them uploaded, enjoy these random pics from the past couple of trips I took out west. There are plenty more, but this in itself took long enough, and I have a ton of studying to do yet; which is why you're only getting pictures today! Happy Monday!

Pay No Attention to the Heart On My Sleeve!

Do you think there's a medication for the poor soul who can't contain thier emotions? They have medication for everything else: feeling blue? Take some Prozac! Little jittery? Why not try Paxil? There is a myriad of disorders, and a comperable myriad of medicinal remedies to counteract the problems. So where's my drug?!?

You see, I have this problem, of which, if you knew me in the three dimentional world, you would see after five minutes of talking to me: I. Am. Extremely. Emotional. Not in a crazy, cross-your-eyes-at-me-and-I'll-start-crying sort of way, and certainly not in a wierd, can't-contain-my-anger sort of way, but well, the only way I can describe it, is by saying that I'm very animated. My closest friends laugh because I apparently have very vivid facial expressions for the majority of the basic emotions: happiness, sadness, surprise, shock, etc... and these faces are amplified ten-fold apparently when I tell stories. I'm very easily excitable, and I laugh hard, with arms flailing about when I find something incredibly amusing.
I even have some wierd sound I apparently make when I get really excited about expressing discontent about something, and it usually comes out by my sticking out my tounge, and blurting, "bleh!" Now for those of you who thought of me as the eloquent, sophisticated type, I know. I just burst your bubble in a serious way, and for that, I am truly sorry. But that's just the way it goes. I'm just laying it all out there for the whole world to see... my absurdity.

Okay, so I'm animated, yes, we've covered that. Then there is the girly-emotional side of me. Boo, this is the part I'm hugely not a fan of. See, when I experience an intense emotion, of any kind, it likely won't stay deep in the recesses of my mind so that I may ponder it, accurately calculate the origin, and appropriateness of said emotion. One would do this in an effort to convey in an eloquent way, a sugar-coated version of one's true feelings. But I am not "one". I am "Stephanie. Heart on the Sleeve Girl". Welcome to my world; where emotions run high, and the will to put on a mask to hide true feelings runs very, very low. I will tell you before you decide to warn everyone you know about me, or run screaming in the other direction yourselves, that while I may be bad at hiding my initial reaction to an unpleasant situation, I never come right out commencing with the screaming, crying, and tantrum-throwing. No no. Too sophisticated for that. heh. I do, however, have a facial-contortion problem. I can't make it smile when I'm frowning on the inside. So usually within seconds, I've conveyed to the whole room my reaction to any given unpleasant situation. Keep in mind, this type of silent emotional outburst generally only happens if I'm presented with something of which I feel VERY STRONGLY about. If it's a small ("grrr... I really disagree with that) type thing, then (if necessary) the actress in me comes out: and trust me, I can put on a really good face when I have to. But really, God did not wire me to be emotionally passive. So if someone hurts my feelings, they'll know it.

So, knowing this about myself, if I feel this "silent emotional outburst" coming on, I usually have to remove myself from the room, as to avoid making a scene. And this "scene" I speak of, is not usually brought on by yours truly, rather, one of my dear, ever-so-concerned friends who just insist on knowing what's wrong at that very moment: in the middle of a crowded room, or just generally in the most innappropriate place in which to talk about said problem. I love my friends dearly, but don't you know by now? It's for this reason that I really wish sometimes that I could "bottle it all up". You know the type:

"What's wrong"?

*In a snippy tone*, "Nothing."

"No, really. You can tell me. What's going on?"

"I. Said. Nothing."

Ooooookay! End of conversation! But just as quickly as that person gets mad, they just as quickly and easily get over it! But that person always winds up miserable because they rarely talk about thier problems. Horse a piece I guess. They have problems, I have problems, who doesn't have problems? But honestly, God please bless my friends, for they are patient people. heh. But hey! They reap thier rewards! While I may wear my heart on my sleeve for the whole world to see, at the same time, if you treat me right, I'll be your best friend... and in some cases, even if you don't treat me right. (We're working on that...) *See Discovering Self.*

So in conclusion, I want to be normal, I do! But again, God did not wire me to be, so I have to make due. So God bless my friends, my family, and the brave soul who may someday choose take me on for the rest of his life. Whoo! That's a tall order! Let's hope he's out there prepping now. Maybe I'm the one who should be filling out the dating application. I may have had that one flip-flopped yesterday. :)

***Disclaimer: I am not certifiably nuts. I am, however, slightly dramatic, and have been my whole life. That's just the way it is. But in the words of Amber, I am a hoot to be around though! ;)***

Dating Resume

In light of yesterday's post, I began to wonder: If I could create an application, or accept "dating resumes", what kind of qualifications would one need to have in order to be asked to come in for a interview/first date? What types of questions would I ask on this application? There are some things that are very important that would most likely never be shared on a first date, nor would one likely ask, for fear of being completely rude:

Example #1. Do you or any of your family members have a history of mental illness? If so, please explain. In detail. *Disclaimer: I'm not saying that this immediately disqualifies a candidate, however you need to have this thing under control. Or it just won't work.* (I would also like to point out, that I shouldn't say that this sort of information would never be shared on a date: and if it is, run! Here's why. About two years ago, this (seemingly normal) guy took me out, and on our first date, went through every single detail of his "mental instability": what type it was, the meds he was on, and how living with his mother his whole life was truly a God-send for him. He was 38.)

Example #2. Do you currently, or have you ever, looked at animal cruelty as a sport? ie: kicking dogs, using cats as bowling balls and launching them against kitchen cupboards, etc. (I've witnessed these things. NOT pretty - and rather infuriating) In addition, do animals repulse you? Because if so, you can throw out this application immediately. Thank you for your interest.

Example #3. Do you have any type of serious addictions/bad habits that you haven't contained? ie: alcoholism, drug addictions... and yes, cigarette smoking is also a big no no.

Example #4. Do you, or anyone that you spend a significant amount of time with, spend any time at all partaking in frat-style parties? ie: chugging beer, etc. Do you find programs such as "Southpark" humorous? Do you actually use phrases such as, "I ain't", "I aks him" or "I says to him", and really think that you are using proper grammar?

**************

Necessary Qualifications:

*MUST LOVE GOD

* Must love music. (In addition, must be open to, and (somewhat) excited about, listening to me sing. It's a daily occurence. At home, at church. My voice is everywhere. Love it, or keep walkin'.)

* Must be open to, or currently involved in ministry

*Must love animals

* Must adore children

* Must fall into one of the following catergories: in school, completed school, or have aspirations to be something- anything as long as you'll be able to support a family someday. And it's legal.

* Must have a hobby: because I don't want to be it.

* Must have good sense of humor. Because if you can't laugh at yourself and the world around you, then that means you most likely won't make me laugh either. And I LOVE to laugh. I laugh at myself all the time!

* Must enjoy the outdoors

* Must enjoy travel

* Must not have any unresolved anger issues. Even if you are in mid-resolution, I can work with that. But I will NOT be the one who fixes it for you.

* Must be able to admit when you're wrong.

* Must not have committment issues. I don't have time for that.

and lastly...

* Must have head out of own butt. Or again, this will not work.

*****************

In an effort to better dating for all mankind, your feedback would be greatly appreciated. Am I missing anything? Any suggestions/comments/additions you would like to make? What are your qualifications?

It Had To Be You

I'm starting to think that I'm a huge dreamer. Okay, okay, if I were being completely honest with myself, I'd say that this isn't some sort of divine revelation that just came over me, rather that I've always been a huge dreamer. But if we don't dream big, we'd be a rather boring bunch, don't you think? (Trust me, this will go somewhere shortly- but let me take off on a tangent for just one moment to set you up for the rest of the story...)

For quite some time now, I've been a pretty big fan of jazz. So, I had taken up listening to "smooth jazz", aka: elevator music, until a friend revealed to me that she thought it strange that I listened to it all the time, considering she always felt like she was "on hold" while in the car with me. Funny girl. So then she and my other friend in the car decided that I must be "on hold" quite often throughout the day because I listen to it so much. Even funnier. So, while still a "closet" smooth jazz fan (only because they play a ton of Anita Baker, and I love that woman), I've switched to the "real" jazz station, WYMX 88.9 in Milwaukee, which actually airs the good, old-school smoky-jazz-club kind of jazz.

So! While listening to my new favorite station yesterday at work, they started playing a super-jazzy, instrumental version of It Had To Be You. LOOOOOVE that song, simply because it's a great song, but also because it's featured in one of my favorite movies of all time, When Harry Met Sally, which brings me to the whole point of my rant for the day.

There's a scene at the end of the movie, where Sally is out at this fancy-pants New Year's Eve ball with some date that she really doesn't want to be there with, along with her best friend and the best friend's husband. (I think the whole world knows this movie, so I'm not quite sure why I'm explaining, but anyway...) So circumstantially, this situation isn't the greatest for Sally until the very end of the movie, but at this point, I'm not much caring about the perils of Sally's love life. I'm diggin' the party. Have you every paid attention to the party?

There is some seriously good jazz playing in the background, everyone is dressed to the nines, and people are just dancin' away, sipping thier foo-foo drinks, laughing, and just generally having a grand old time! Now here's where the dreamer part of me comes in... I want to go to that party!!! I don't think it's a lot to ask, do you?

Every year around this time, I prep myself by watching the movie (torture myself may be a bit more like it), with hopes that I'll meet the man of my dreams between now and New Year's Eve who will be thoughtful enough, and insightful enough (or maybe just inquisitive enough to get out of me that this is a dream of mine) and whisk me away on that fateful evening for a night of music, dinner, and dancing. And you know, maybe part of it is the whole getting dressed up for a "fancy" night out thing. I recently read somewhere that women in thier twenties still find it fun and exciting to get dressed up to go out. Whatever. I'll still find it fun and exciting when I'm 92. "Come on, Grandpa, let's hit the town!"

So anyway, that's been my fantasy ever since I was a teenager and had seen When Harry Met Sally for the first time. I want the fancy New Year's Eve party, the fancy dress, and the fancy music- and the fancy guy (she does gets him at the end by the way, for the one person in this world who hasn't seen the movie)! But seriously folks, this year, since I am not getting any younger, I am taking applications for "Man of My Dreams". You can apply online, or fax it in, but get it in soon! Call 1-800-BE-MY-HERO for more details! Space is limited, so call today!

Heh. If only it were that easy...

God Is Amazing

Sundays had become almost routine. I know it's horrible to say, but it's true. We all go through our valleys, and I was definitely in one. Life's troubles, worries, anxiety, and relational conflict had slowly built up a wall between me and God. Suddenly I found myself lost (again), wandering aimlessly from ministry to ministry doing my day to day tasks (tasks! shame!) and going through the motions: acknowledging God with a polite "prayer nod" once in awhile. I couldn't understand why everything such a mess in my head until I headed out on my first "ministry for credit" venture for school this past Saturday when it happened: God knocked me off my feet, on my rear, and taught me an invaluable lesson: He simply said, "I AM".

My school's main focus is urban ministry. So it was only natural that when we got there Saturday morning for our first practicum of the semester, that we were ushered right out the door with flyers. Our mission: to hit the streets and tell the local residents about the free clinic, hot lunch and groceries we were offering them at school, as well as all of the programs that are offered on a weekly basis: Royal Rangers, Missionettes, grief and family counseling, work cooperatives, etc. The catch: (there's never a catch in ministry, but at the particular moment that my feet hit the pavement, I saw it as a catch) the streets that we were about to roam were, well, kind of rough. Scary. Scary for me anyway (think sheltered suburban girl, with very limited experience with anything "ghetto").

So, I deliberately partner up with the biggest guy in our class (and the most tattooed up. Hey! It gives him an intimidation factor!). Anyway, Scott and I and another guy Mike (not so much with the intimidation factor Mike, sorry buddy!) headed out in search of lost souls and empty little bellies. The first few times we approached people, my legs turned to Jell-O each and every time: until we got to a house where there were two guys (couldn't look more rough and angry if they tried) sitting on the porch with an older man. Scott and Mike approached them, and without cracking a smile, the "rough guys" listened to what we had to say (I think I stopped breathing at one point, I was so scared), and then... politely thanked us for telling them about our organization. (Huh?) Then it happened: They called out thier mom so she could hear what we had to say. The minute she appeared at the front door, I could have just wept. She was in clothes older than dirt, and she was beaten, bruised, scraped, and scarred. And this is her life. And there was nothing that I could do for this woman but pray. I realized at that moment that no one had shot me. No one had so much as raised a hand or raised thier voice at me. They just wanted to be loved on: and everyone saw something in us that they wanted, just as badly as I wanted to give it to them. But it's nothing that I can "give". It's something that they need to open thier hearts to and recieve. That's what we were there for. To help spread the Good News- and they were loving it!

We took a break, and went back out later with a group that came down into the city from a youth retreat, which, oddly enough had been held at my church. So, I knew a bunch of the kids that we were ministering with that day. So, Scott, a few girls from my church and I headed back out for round two: this time with flyers, garbage bags, and a mission to clean up the streets. Everything went so very well. We talked with some people, prayed with some people, and made the city a little prettier: one city block at a time.

The greatest part of this story (aside from God knocking down walls, barriers, and stereotypes in my mind left and right) begins with a woman named Marjorie. While I was running back for more garbage bags, Majorie apparently stopped Scott and my friend Rachel to ask them what they were doing and what our group was about. Marjorie is a 50-something drug addict - with a heart the size of Texas. She started chatting them up, and when I got back with more supplies, I joined the conversation with no idea that God was about to show His face in a very real way. Before we knew what hit us, Marjorie was beginning to tell us about her life, her drug addictions, and her relationship with God. This woman knew the word. She had serious faith. But she was struggling. And for as long as I live, I'll never forget this: she stopped, began to cry and said, "It says in the Word that when two or more come together, prayers will be heard and answered. Will you all pray for me?" YES YES YES PLEASE!!! Now, I'm not one to just offer to pray for someone: Not that I don't want to pray for someone, but it's the whole praying out loud thing. I just... get nervous. It's been getting better lately, but not great. But when Marjorie asked for prayer, I was more than happy to do it. And let me tell you, the Holy Spirit worked in that circle unlike anything I had seen in quite some time. The words that were coming out of my mouth were not my own, and God was speaking into this hurting soul's heart. My prayer almost literally brought her to her knees (talk about God breaking down barriers: "Yes Stephanie, contrary to what you think you're capable of, you can pray for others. Don't worry, I'll be there. Just remember: I AM") Rachel continued on with prayer and I lost it. Scott and Rachel both wept. When we finished, Marjorie went around and hugged each and every one of us, asked us to remember her always, and keep her in our prayers. There is no question Miss Marjorie, you surely will be on my heart and in my prayers daily- I'll never forget you. Just remember and believe that God can lift you up and bring you out of any situation, turn your life around, give you a second chance, and a new perspective on life. He did for me- and he did it in the most unsuspecting way. That's just how God works. And God's work is truly AMAZING.

Who's Excited To Start School? ME!

I missed my first class. No, I'm not starting off my semester on the wrong foot. It was legal! Technically, my first class would have been Monday, September 5th- Labor Day. However, on account of that technicality, my class would be behind schedule if we didn't catch up, so we recieved our first homework assignment with our orientation packet.

At first glance, it was slightly daunting:

+ Read 15pg. handout
+ pgs. 7-29 in Knowing the Doctrines of the Bible
+ pgs. 61-115 in Systematic Theology
+ Read 1Tim. 3:14-4:16; Heb. 1:1; 2Tim. 3:14-17; 2Pet. 1:21, 3:15-16
+ From your reading, write a 1 page summary on inerrancy and inspiration.

What??? I haven't been to school in 2 years. I LOVE school, learning, and the whole intellectual thing, but really... WHAT??? Okay, let's break this down here. A. Who ever reads over 100 pages for thier first homework assignment- for one class? B. What the crap does inerrancy mean anyway?! (upon further investigation, we find that the Webster definition of "inerrancy is as follows:
***
in·er·ran·cy Pronunciation: (")i-'ner-&n(t)-sEFunction: noun: exemption from error : INFALLIBILITY, the question of biblical inerrancy

***

Um, okay. The muck has thinned out a bit, but it's definitely not crystal. Oh yeah, and C: I just got my books yesterday, and this all needs to be done by Monday, on top of my day-long practicum tomorrow (school-turned medical clinic for the homeless and underpriveledged... it's a ministry thing at my college), so when is one supposed to complete said assignment?

So, let's back up the boat a sec to yesterday after work when I stop by my friend's house (who happens to work at my school) to pick up my books. I get back in the car, peek inside the plastic bag which holds a tiny piece of my future inside (yes, I get THIS excited about school), and then I see it: Systematic Theology. GLOOOOOOO-RY! "Systematic Theology?!?!!!", I shout in my head, "This is the Greatest Day Ever!!!" (Only slightly dramatic here, but I was genuinely excited about this.) Keep in mind for those of you who think I'm on the brink of really losing it here, I'm just starting bible college this semester, so this is all very new to me, and very exciting not only because I'll be learning new things (which is always a bonus for me), but I'll also be furthering my relationship with God by digging into his word big time. So I'm a bit pumped, what can I say? So despite the fact that I have a crap-load of reading to do in a really really short amount of time, the fact that I'm going "back to school! back to school!" makes it all worth while.

So, considering that I could go on, and on, and on forever about school, and learning, and God, and all that jazz, I think I'm going to go start studying and stop rambling. Better usage of my time.

Which End Is Up Again?

Did you ever feel like your life was moving at such a rapid rate, that if you tried to put on the brakes even just a little bit you'd go flying face first into a nervous breakdown? No? It's just me? Okay, great! I compiled a list of all the things I do on a regular basis, and from the looks of it, I've almost managed to create a 30 hour day. Every day of the week. That's if I were to actually get some resting time in there, which, let's face it, doesn't really happen. Ever. Realistically, my obligations are work, school, and ministry. But that stuff to me (the work thing aside) is fun!

But what in the world do those people in Corporate America do with thier sanity when they work all hours of the day and night and rarely get to see thier families because thier too busy working on... work! and unnecessarily schmoozing tightly wound suits to get a sale!? or merging businesses!?!?... blech!!!! You know, I once thought that Corporate America was the place for me. Yessir! I wanted to be the biggest, hot-shottinest advertising exec. in the universe! I wanted to come up with the big ideas, sell the big ideas, and make the big bucks! I also wanted to become the next Jewel or Sarah McLachlan and write a novel too! High aspirations, or the fast track to an early grave? I think option #2 is most accurate. And you know, for the people who can swing it, congratulations! But not this girl! *Can you tell that I wound back up fairly quickly after the relaxing weekend away?*

Seriously though, I had this nice, relaxing, time away from the blur that is my life, and then diving back in almost seemed, well, a bit like diving- into a roaring, raging river of busy-ness. I'm curious: since I've forgotten what it's like to sit home and do nothing after work, I'm kind of interested in hearing how the rest of the world does it- I'd kind of like to try it sometime. Do you read? Watch t.v., sit on the phone? Big glass of wine and a "chick flick"? Blog? How do you relax?

Getting Back to the Hippie Roots

I've been experiencing a good amount of nostalgia lately ever since I made the "big purchase": my new guitar. (I haven't given "her" a name yet. Any and all of your suggestions are welcome.) For example, I decided to take this past labor day weekend as a time to relax, reflect, and relax. (Did I already say relax?) So I packed up all of my belongings including my nameless guitar and trudged out to my parent's house. They live in a nice rural subdivision; it's peaceful, quiet, and there is just a swarm of the world's cutest children to play with during the day. (I'll have to tell you sometime about my parent's little neighbor boys. They are just PRECIOUS.)

As I was growing up, my parents used to always tell me that I was born in the wrong era. I should have been a flower child. Now, mind you, I don't run around in corduroys, and flip-flops with dreadlocks in my hair, although back in high school and college I teetered (I had a few interesting experiments with some wild red hair dye, and also got the nose and the tongue pierced- the tongue piercing lasted for five years. The nose thing was more just a short-lived passing kind of phase.) But deep down inside, I've always been a little bit of a hippie at heart. In high school, my friend Chelsea used to be my "guitar teacher", and we would sit and jam for hours together. I was never deemed good enough, however, for us to take our dueling guitar show live, but you better better believe that we had our goofy little butts up on stage for high school talent shows in our tie-dyed tanks and bare feet: with me belting out my best Jewel rendition while Chelsea backed me up on guitar. Those were the days, let me tell you. I would sit in my room for hours and twang away, knowing that I had a little less than a care in the world besides diligently learning how to play the guitar.

So now, as I snap you back into the year 2005, I'm sitting on my parents' living room floor, half strumming an old tune I used to know, and half marveling at my new very-well-worth-it purchase, my dad looks at me and says plainly, "you know you were born in the wrong era, don't you? You're such a hippie. Now that you have your guitar, all you need is a couple of tie-dyed t-shirts and one of those "Scooby-Doo" vans and you can like, road trip man, just you and your guitar... man." (*sigh* Dads...) I certainly wouldn't go that far, but there is definitely a peace I get when I pick up my new pretty guitar, (fill in name here). There's just something about it. So no, I won't be asking Scooby if I can borrow his van any time soon, but I am holding out for the tour bus. It's okay. I can wait.

Hurricane Katrina... What Can We Do?

Update: After watching the news tonight, I felt a tug on my heart to keep pushing for the victims of hurricane Katrina in my own little way. All politics aside, there are people that need help. Period. And if the government isn't doing as much as they can, then that means that we just need to ban together and do more. Enough with talk about rasicm, because it doesn't matter who's hurting or in trouble. They all need help. So please. PLEASE consider a donation to the AMERICAN RED CROSS. Every little bit will surely help.

How You Can Help

When 9/11 took place, I ran right out and started a clothing and medical supply drive at the university that I was attending at the time, in hopes that I could do my part and make a difference. Unfortunately, during times of national crisis, it's difficult to get bulky stuff like food and clothing shipped cross-country and distributed according to greatest need. That was a hard pill to swallow, considering all the hard work and heart that I had put into this drive. So, unfortunately, I could only donate everything to the local chapter of the Salvation Army. Which is still great, but during times of crisis, I want my donation to get to the heart of the disaster. I want it to go toward touching the lives of those affected the most, who are in dire need of help.

This time, the disaster strikes a little closer to home. A very dear friend of mine is a volunteer for the Southeast Wisconsin Chapter of the American Red Cross, and was sent down to Louisiana for an indefinite amount of time to assist in search and rescue, as well as general relief efforts and clean up. The American Red Cross has been all over local and national news regarding it's involvement in rescue and relief efforts since Katrina hit. Volunteers are being sent from all over the country to provide assistance in all areas of need. Unfortunately, (as much as I would love to) I can't take as active and heroic a part in helping to provide relief for the countless homeless and hungry victims of this tradgedy, but I am doing my part from afar.

So, I am taking it upon myself to call each and every one of you out there in blogland to action as well. Please consider a financial donation to the American Red Cross. They are in desperate need of any and all monetary donations. To help, you can click on the link above, or call 1-800-HELP NOW to make a donation by phone. This is truly a disaster of catastrophic proportions, so please, open your hearts and do what you can to help save lives, provide medical care for the sick, and shelter for those who have nothing left.

For pictures of the aftermath of Katrina, stats, and info on other charities, please visit Support and Help for Hurricane Katrina Aftermath.

I thank those of you who took me up on my invitation and visited my site, and I also thank you for taking the time to read this. I truly hope you will consider helping to make a difference in the wake of this tradgedy... your donation will help to save and change lives.

I'm Taking Up Guitar!... Again...

When I was in high school, I inherited my grandfather's old OLD classical guitar. We're talking the kind with the nylon strings that sound like something out of an old western. In retrospect, it was great to learn on: the neck was wider, and the strings were bigger so it was easier to maneuver my hand around when trying to pick out chords. But as I blossomed into an avid guitar player (eggageration: I only thought I was good at the time... my reality was a bit skewed.), the old OLD classical guitar and I were not quite meshing anymore.

Nevertheless, I pressed on with the old OLD classical guitar, and she and I (yes, she was a "she") went off to college together with high hopes of becoming accomplished musicians at the UW-Stevens Point School of Music. During the daytime, I focused more on my voice, learning and practicing such genres as jazz and Italian opera, just to name a few. On the side, however, the old OLD classical guitar and I made our debut at the "Brew House" on campus, plunking out a rather choppy rendition of the one of my one and a half songs that I managed to compose my freshmen year. This experience left us slightly disappointed and slightly embarrassed, only because, like I mentioned earlier, we had thought we were much better than we really were. Not to mention that this botched endeavor crushed any hopes of us ever becoming national recording artists together.

After this experience, I am embarrassed to say that rather than pushing forward with "practice! practice! practice!, "oOcg" and I took a bit of a break from one another. This brings me to the year 2001 when I betrayed her, which I will never forgive myself for, only because it left me guitarless for four whole years afterward. I took her to Cascio music in town because I needed a bit of extra cash to get me through the week. Now, I had been meaning to trade her in for a newer model for some time anyway, and the plan was that after my next paycheck, I would just turn around and purchase a new one. "oOcg" and I said our goodbye's, the clerk handed me my hard-earned fourty dollars, and I was on my way.

But alas, paycheck after paycheck went by, still no new guitar. Each year, I would go back to Cascio and torture myself, looking at all the pretty new models that had just recently graced the walls of the ever-evolving music superstore. Every year I would tell Chad (an old friend of mine who works there), "This is it. I'm coming back for THIS one tomorrow. You can count on it." Chad would roll his eyes, tell me that he really believed me this time, and that he'd see me in another six months to a year. He couldn't have been more right. So, four years of this, and then: the 25th birthday rolled around.

I suppose I failed to mention in the birthday wrap-up that I recieved a nice sum of money from my very generous family members, on account of the fact that any time I was asked, "so what do you want for your birthday?", I would reply, "A GUITAR!". I got money instead. SO! I pooled it in, tossed it in the checking account, and trapsed off to the Guitar Center to check out thier selection for a change. Well, my poor friends who offered to help me shop, and the poor guitar shop clerks found themselves in my tangled web of indecision for what really turned out to be hours. I was back and forth between the Guitar Center, bible study/my surprise party, Cascio, volunteering at the nursing home, and the Guitar Center again. Every clerk I talked to thought that they had landed themselves a sale (including poor Chad again: I had put a beautiful mahogony and black one on hold at Cascio... yeah. Never came back for it. I'm mean.) But eventually I did settle on a very nice, decent quality, solid-top Ibanez. It's oak, has a burgundy pick guard, and an iridescent vine pattern which runs up the neck. It's purty. AND it sounds purty. After all that tough decision making, I settled on the most basic looking one. Nothing flashy. Just simple and yet, still beautiful.

So, as I take on the exciting task of re-teaching myself how to play this bad boy... or... girl, I will keep you posted as to my progress. And when I set my tour dates, rest assured, you will all be invited...

In the Very Wise Words of Bethany Dillon

Beautiful

I was so unique

now I feel skin deep

Count on the makeup

to cover it all

Crying myself to sleep

because I cannot keep thier attention

Thought I could be strong

but it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?

I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful

And make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart

And be amazed

I want to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

Just want to be worthy of love

And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone

other than me

Fighting to make

the mirror happy

Trying to find

whatever is missing

Won't you help me back

to Glory

You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart

And I am amazed

I love to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

You make me worthy of love

And beautiful

I couldn't have said it better myself.