I Have Absolutely Nothing Today...

Okay... maybe I do have something. hahaha I love when that happens: I'll sit and stare at a blank "blogger" page for ten minutes straight, and just when the words, "I have nothing" slip off of my fingertips is when I finally think of something to talk about.

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You all miss "Theology Recap Tuesday", don't you? I mean, no one has necessarily been knocking down my door begging to hear about what I learned in school recently; but perhaps it's because you all know that I've been enjoying winter break. Or perhaps you're just too shy to ask. Either way: I know that deep down in your heart of hearts, you are all simply dying inside as I withold from you my boundless wisdom and knowledge that I gain each and every week in Theology class. It's okay, you don't have to tell me. I already know your pain, and trust me: I'm doing everything in my power to change that. SO! Starting next week Tuesday, you will be slowly reintroduced to the wonderful world of "Theology Recap Tuesday", but with a new spin: It will NOW be called, "Theology of Prayer Recap Tuesday". That's right! We will be discussing the theology of prayer this semester, including all the what, why's, when's and how's of prayer, as well as a Q& A opportunity in which you ask questions, I present them to my professor, and those questions will be answered the following week. Isn't that EXCITING? Okay, settle down... you have a week before this happens: I don't want you to burst or anything. You're going to just have to contain yourselves for seven more days. Think you can do that?

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Okay, moving on! So the Cubicle Reverend is a very talented writer. After a lot of beggin and pleading he shared with me some work that he has done, and I was just in awe by one of his pieces. Did you ever read something, and you could almost see the whole thing playing out in your mind? As if with every word, a picture is slowly being painted, which then takes shape and begins to dance: creating not just a picture, rather, a picture that is given life with words, pulling you in, tickling your senses, making you a part of that world. Good poetry just does that to me: I can easily get lost in words because I think in pictures, so I can easily get a visual of what I'm reading. I think that's why I love to write: because then I can actually articulate what I see in my mind. So anyway, kudos to the very gifted Cube Rev, and thanks for indulging me. ;)

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Have you ever had a moment with God that you almost couldn't break yourself away from? It's almost surreeal: as if you'll lose something incredible if you move too fast. Those moments are rare for me, but when they happen, they're breathtaking. You know how we talked awhile back about how God speaks to us? Well, I'm practicing just listening; and while I was doing that last night, I didn't hear anything, but I just felt Him draw me near. It was SO cool. And if it weren't 12:30 in the morning and a work night, I probably would have stayed there for HOURS. (Oh, don't judge, you know you'd be tired too! lol)

But anyway, I'm interested: can you think of a time when you felt your spirit just "click" with God's? What did you feel? What happened as a result of that time with Him?

L'Ormindo

I'm not so sure that I have declared to you all what I intend to major in now that I have made my decision. Well, I'm leaning toward vocal performance: but whatever I wind up doing will be most definitely music related. The following story has to do with my scouting out music programs, so I just wanted to clarify before I majorly confused you all.

...And now, on to the story!

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On Friday night I had the priveledge of doing something I have NEVER done before: I went to the opera. I didn't quite get to enjoy a "professional opera", as I went to a local university here in town with my music teacher to scope out the music program there. In the midst of all of our "scoping", we were wildly entertained by thier adaptation of "L'Ormindo".

I truly never thought that an opera would engage me in the least bit, just considering where my passion lies (gospel), but surprisingly, it did! (I do, however, enjoy the theatre immensly, so I suppose this should come as no surprise. But opera? Well... let's just say it's a lot more exciting than I would have thought.) The story line was very cute (very not Christian, but cute no less): it's set back in the 17th century, and the queen is...well... three timing her husband with two of his "guards" who happen to be best friends with one another. So, once they find out that they are both dating the same woman, they both begin to court her, and she entertains both of thier advances, until they come face to face with her and she is forced to make a decision. She chooses Ormindo (hence the name of the opera), and the king finds out. So he orders the head guard to poison them (Ormindo and the queen), the consequence for decieving him. Shortly thereafter, the king recieves a letter stating that he is Ormindo's father: so now he is remorseful and distraught for having killed his own flesh and blood. As it turns out, he didn't really kill them, because the guard who was ordered to give them the poison, was a friend of Ormindo's and didn't have the heart to do it: so he disobeyed the king and gave Ormindo and the queen sleep syrum - with the intent of transporting thier "bodies" and setting them free in a distant land. The king finds THIS out, praises the guard for disobeying him, gives his blessing to his son and his wife to be married, and everyone lives happily ever after.

Yeah. That's opera. Hahahahaha Well, the confusing story line aside, the acting was great, it was actually very funny, but the vocals were... well... okay. There were two people that just blew me away (And I of course made sure I knew who they were studying with). Overall, I would say that I definitely enjoyed myself, but I will be checking out other schools yet... and my voice teacher and I plan on seeing a professional opera so I can hear what true opera sounds like. From what I hear, the voices are "like butta'". I can't wait.

Afterward, we headed to Pizza Man afterward for appetizers (the name is decieving: it's actually a really nice place on the "fashionable lower east side" by campus, with amazing food), and we discussed in detail what we experienced that night. My voice teacher, we'll call her Becky, sang opera professionally for many years, as well as auditioned for the MET (Metropolitan Opera), a number of times. She's VERY talented: so it was a lot of fun picking her brain regarding what she thought of everything. I'm actually surprised that most of our opinions were right in line with each other, considering I know nothing about opera: however, I do know quite a bit about singing: and a voice is a voice I guess. Either you can sing, or you can't: no matter what genre of music we're talking about.

Well, after this experience, I'm looking forward to scouting out other schools, hitting the professional opera circuit, and venturing into a new little slice of life that I've never considered exploring before.

"For I am the LORD that healeth thee"(Exodus 15:26).

Have you or anyone you know experienced Divine healing? Perhaps you heard a story during a sermon about a miraculous healing in someone's life who you don't even know that left you in complete awe. What happened? How did God move in that person's life? If you personally have been healed, how did He move in your life?

All stories, great and small, telling of God's healing power are welcomed and encouraged here today. Please feel free to share your stories of trials, faith, miracles, encouragement, and hope, as well as any scripture verses you can think of related to this topic.

Comment away friends!

Power of the Spoken Word

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7, KJV).

Have you thought about this verse recently? Like a precious stone, have you held it in your hand, examined it closely, turning it over, and over again, making sure not to miss one detail? It is essential to our Christian walks that we hold this bit of scripture close to our hearts every day: that we hold ourselves accountable to the principles that this small, yet magnificently powerful bit of wisdom conveys. What is is verse really telling us?

Jesus tells us in Luke 6:45 that, "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks". From His mouth, to my ears!

"FOR OUT OF THE OVERFLOW OF HIS HEART HIS MOUTH SPEAKS".

Wow. So what this tells me, is if I speak negatively, that is a reflection of my heart. So how, then, can I be a light unto a dark world and be a representative of Jesus Christ, if my very words are reflecting that same darkness?

God calls us, time and time again in His Word to have a positive mind: to take all our thoughts captive under the authority of Christ Jesus:

"(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ"(2 Corinthians 10:4,5).

Spiritual warfare is in fact all around us, and the enemy LOVES to meddle in our thought lives, because he knows how easy it is to break down our defenses in this area. And trust me: I know how easy it is to fall into a negative thought pattern; it's all too easy to get stuck in a rut of focusing strictly on the negative. However, negative thinking can turn into a very cyclical pattern. Negative thinkers would like to argue that they are they way they are because of all the misfourtune that they have experienced throughout thier lives. But here's my question: which came first? The chicken or the egg? Are you a negative thinker because you've endured countless hardships and you just can't seem to catch a break? Or are you enduring those hardships because you have convinced yourself that they're going to happen anyway? You expect them. It's almost as if you *will* them to happen. What if you started focusing on the positive? What if you started believing God for great, amazing, wonderful and powerful things for your lives and the lives of the ones you love? Just look at Phillipians 4:8,9:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you".

There's our answer right there! The peace of GOD ALMIGHTY will be with us if we just practice positive thinking. But did you also notice that we must not only focus on the positive, but on all things praiseworthy as well? So if we're praising God throughout our days, this will bring Him glory, and we in turn, will be blessed for it as well! I think that's a fair deal, don't you?

Our thought lives and our words affect us (and even those around us) a great deal more than we sometimes give them credit for. If we believe that we're sick, well, we can pretty much expect to start experiencing symptoms of illness, because our body is reacting to the signals our minds are sending out. In similar fashion, our day to day lives are just as affected by our thoughts and our words.

I just want to leave you with one more thought for the day, and that is this: God SPOKE this world into existence. So think about that the next time you feel the urge to give into anxiety, or the next time you want to berate yourself for tripping up the stairs, or missing a deadline. If you take a more positive approach to these situations and rebuke the enemy's antagonistic attempts at filling your mind with fear, doubt, and self-loathing, you will undoubtedly move out of the darkness, and become a true beacon of Christ-like light for the whole world to see.

Information derived from http://www.godsaidmansaid.com/printtopic.asp?ItemId=717 , Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer<-- I HIGHLY recommend this book! Phenomenal!

I Did It!

Well, I finished the first phase of recording my wedding demo last night! I know that to some of you (*cough!*SteveSporre*cough!*), this is really no big deal, because you've recorded a thousand times yourselves ;) , but for me: this is a brand new experience: and it was actually pretty fun! It was interesting because I have never done this before, so it was very strange hearing my voice played back to myself: what a strange experience! At first, it was really no fun hearing myself, because what I hear in my head when I sing versus what everyone else hears are two very different sounds. So I had to grow accustomed to what I actually sound like versus what I think I sound like. Make sense? So, once I got over that hump, then it was a matter of tweaking my voice here, and altering it there to make sure I was getting the optimum tone quality out of my voice when I was recording. It's a really interesting process. Anyway, we finished two songs (so now he just needs to mix them: something I definitely won't have any part in, because I don't know how!), and once they're finished my recording friend will send them to me via email, and I'll make sure to post them for y'all. In about a week or so, we'll finish the last three, and then my demo will be done; which means that I'll have a finished product to hand out to people so I can start getting booked for weddings! How fun!

So, that was my weekend: well, that and..... I went to go see "The Chronicles of Narnia" on Saturday. How amazing was THAT movie?!?! I just LOVED it! So, in case any of your are just killing yourselves trying to figure out what to get me for my birthday in seven months: keep this movie in the back of your minds! (I told my mother this the other night while we were out shopping at TARGET after seeing the movie, and she just laughed at me too: I guess it's a funny thing that I'm spouting off birthday requests seven months early? Doesn't everyone do that?!)

Well that's all the exciting things that I have to report for the day: I've hit a road block in terms of writing. I guess I really don't have much in the way of deep or inspirational thoughts to share, but I feel something brewing deep down in the recesses of my mind. It might take me a few days though: so in the meantime, why don't you all tell me how your weekend was?

Because I Was Told That I Am Being Cryptic Today...

...I thought I'd share with you a little story in the form of a letter to brighten your day!

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Dear Industrial-Sized Corporate Coffee-Maker,

You told me not to.

It *specifically* says to pour ONLY WATER into your top. I know, I see the sign there everyday when I go to make coffee in the morning.

But before I go any further, I HAVE to tell you: you just don't make very good coffee! I'm sorry to have to say it, but it's true! I have actually gotten into the habit of bringing my own coffee from home sometimes, because yours is just.that.bad. How can you possibly expect to produce a quality pot of coffee when you don't even let the water really mix with the grounds? I barely pour the water in, and coffee is coming out the other end! That is NOT ample time to get the full flavor of the coffee out of the grounds. It's JUST NOT!!

So yesterday afternoon, when I was out of my own coffee and needed a little pick-me up: do you remember this? I went to make a half pot. I came to you, hoping that you would come through for me. But alas, the coffee (no matter how strong I attempted to make it) came out weak-smelling and tasteless.

I sat there for quite a bit, coffee pot in hand, staring at your "POUR IN WATER ONLY" sign, really questioning the reasoning behind these instructions. I figured, if I were to pour this coffee back into your top, it would get another "go" at filtering through the coffee, thereby enhancing the flavor of the end product. So as I'm looking at this sign, I begin to rationalize this in my head: "Well, that must simply mean 'don't pour chocolate milk in here' or 'this is NOT where the coffee grounds go'. I mean, really: what could POSSIBLY happen if I ran the coffee through you one more time, right?

Even after all of this self-talk that I was engaging myself in, convincing myself that I wouldn't break you, I still, in the back of my mind knew that there was only about a 5% chance that this would actually end in my favor. And well, I don't have to tell you the rest, but I will anyway just to refresh your memory:

I DID IT ANYWAY.

I dumped that coffee right back into the place where you specifically warn us to "POUR IN WATER ONLY", because, well. . . . I'm just a risk-taker like that. (Or something.) But what to my wondering eyes should appear, but lighter coffee out the other end! Lighter and weaker, and more tasteless than before!

WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!?!!!!

I can't believe this is happening! I think to myself, I did it again! Another ridiculous antic to add to the "Chronicles of Stephanie's Brainless Workplace Moments"!! I have to fix this!!!

So, my dear Industrial-Sized Corporate Coffee-Maker, in a desperate attempt to save you (and not for your sake, but for my job), I spent the next hour: HOUR! running plain water through you to clean you out. What was your PROBLEM??? You couldn't cooperate? Even just a little bit? And after all that work, I attempted to make a new pot of coffee. I figured that after all we had been through together, that you might be good to me. I ran the water through the grounds ONCE: and do you know what I found?


YOUR COFFEE STILL TASTED LIKE CRAP!

COME ON!!! I can't BELIEVE YOU!!!

Well, I know one thing for darn sure:

We'll be trading you in for a new model.

Yours Truly,

Stephanie (coffee-fanatic, your worst enemy)

Please Take A Moment And Pray...

I don't know why she's different.

But something about seeing her face all over the national news struck me to the very core of my soul. Reported as the latest of many of our fellow Americans held captive by Iraqi terrorists, Jill Carroll has very little time left. In fact, if the U.S. doesn't agree to release all female Iraqi prisoners today, this then, will be the day that Jill Carroll will take her last breath.

I watched yesterday morning as her mother, on behalf of herself, her husband, and Jill's sister, pleaded for her daughter's life. She was calm, poised, and very obviously proud of her daughter and her accomplishments thus far: but you could see the fear in her eyes. She said she was in shock; she said that Jill had told her of the possibility of this very situation arising, but that nothing can prepare a mother for something like this.

Jill is different because she genuinely cares about the Iraqi people - she's not just out to get a story. Please take some time today and pray for this brave and selfless woman. Pray that the God would Divinely intervene: that He would send the right people to free her from her captors. Pray that she will live to see many tomorrows, and that the Lord comforts her and her family in this trying time.

God Bless You All.

Picture derived from Netscape News

Picture This:

You walk into Walgreens completely engrossed in a conversation with a friend of yours on the phone. You head back to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription: while still on the phone. This conversation is just too good to put on hold! So you keep talking, just assuming that a pharmacy tech will greet you when they get a second and politely smile acknowledging that they are ready to help you.

You, however, are greeted by a very hesitant, rather "bothered" looking young woman who looks at you as if she wants to say, "what do you want?" You look up, state that your name and that you are picking up. Your "friendly" tech rolls her eyes at you, turns around, fishes out your prescription, throws it on the counter and says, "I will help you when you are done." You politely inform her that you are totally ready to be helped, but she apparently doesn't agree. "No, actually, it is R.U.D.E. for you to be on the phone while I am trying to help you. I'll wait." You look at her in total and complete amazement as you tell your friend that you'll call her back.

You complete your transaction, and as you do so, your "friendly" tech, begins to shower you with fake, forced politeness.

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Now you, my friends, get to finish this story. What do you do from here?

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As I'm sure you all guessed, yes, this did happen to me - last night in fact. And I did what any self-respecting, disgruntled customer would do:

I tattled.

This seemed to be the consensus among you all anyway, so I now don't feel bad about it: although, if you were to have asked me last night, I would have told you that I felt pretty darned bad about getting this girl in trouble. I questioned whether or not it went in line with my morals and standards as a Christian to speak with a manager about how horrible this girl treated me. Part of me kept thinking, "turn the other cheek, Stephanie".

However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that, if I were to put the shoe on the other foot, and put myself in her place, *as a Christian*, I would have kept my mouth shut and been as pleasant as possible - because Christ called me to do so. Besides, it would have likely not even crossed my mind to get angry about such a thing in the first place, because that's such a small thing to get riled up about!

Part of me is a little nervous to ever go back to that particular pharmacy, because, well - what if she didn't get fired? She knows that I was the one that tattled on her! So if she didn't lose her job, and I do go back and she waits on me, well! Wouldn't that be slightly uncomfortable! I'm kind of non-confrontational that way (many ways, actually)...

Maybe I'll just switch pharamcies...

By Popular Demand...

Okay, one person (Shenna) requested this, but because my readership is low these days, one request is "popular demand". lol As I was writing "You know you've ticked off Stephanie when...", I figured that people might think me a little on the grumpy side considering the intense detail that I went into regarding the things that irritate me.

So to you, my disenchanted readers I say this: everyone, even the sweetest of Christians, deserve to air out thier grievances once in awhile. However, because I am a generally happy person, and because I aim to please my loyal readers, today I give you:

The Top Ten Things That Make Me Smile

(also in no particular order)

*A long long time ago when I first started this blog, I wrote a similar list. I have decided to write another one without referring back to the old one. However, if you're interested in reading the old one, click here.*

1. Sunshine. There's nothing like a sunny day. The temperature could be cold, hot, or lukewarm: doesn't really matter to me so long as the sun is out. I'm very affected by my surroundings, so a sunny day just always has a way of brightening my mood.

2. A good cup of coffee. Call me an addict, call me what you will, but I love coffee. Love it love it love it. Throw some flavored International Coffee Creamer in there, and I am in seventh heaven.

3. A good, deep conversation.

4. Good music. And right along with that in the same catergory, I'm going to say a good musician and a good singer. Something inside of me just bursts with joy when I hear good music: when an amazing singing voice pierces the silence: when a talented instrumentalist steals the show. I literally have a physical reaction to music: my whole body and soul reacts to an awesome compilation of sound - no matter what style or genre it is. If it's good, it's good: and I love it.

5. Singing. Along with the previous idea, I love to sing. There's something magical about getting up there and letting go: about giving glory to God by using the gift He gave me to minister to others. There's just something about being right there in the moment crying out to God in front of hundreds of spectators, leading them to do the same: being so raw, so real, and so transparent: giving Him all the glory.

6. The outdoors. I could play outside all day and night and never get sick of it. I love the fresh air, the smell of life in the trees, grass, and earth. I love the sound of the water laping up against the shore, and the breeze rustling through the trees. I love admiring and enjoying God's creation. Good stuff.

7. Long drives. I was just talking with someone about this last night: I really enjoy road trips alone. It gives me a chance to think, to be with God for a really long time: talking with Him and worshiping Him. ... And then there's my (likely not so secret) secret indulgence: windows down, music blaring, and me singing on the tops of my lungs for miles and miles and miles.

8. Travel. I thoroughly enjoy visiting new places, exploring different cultures, and taking in new sights and sounds. I love the visual stimulation of a majestic mountain range, or peering over the edge of a cliff into the depths of a canyon: enjoying the sights and sounds of the Pacific coast. There's so much out there to be seen and experienced: and I enjoy getting out there and discovering it all.

9. My family. They're quirky, but they still put a smile on my face.

10. Good friends that I can depend on. I really enjoy fellowshipping with other Christians. It's a great feeling being in the presence of other believers, and just enjoying one another's company: but even more than that, knowing that my friends are striving for Christ-likeness as well, and therefore are a source of support and encouragement for me really comforts my spirit. I love my friends.

Pet Peeves

As Christians, we are supposed to love our neighbors. We're supposed to love one another as Christ loved the church: and I do! I make a concerted effort at all times to be loving to those around me (even if I don't want to). But no matter how much love I'm doling out to my fellow man, there are just some things that people do that drive me absolutely crazy!

Without further adieu, I give you:

"You Know You've Ticked Off Stephanie When..."

1. You wait at a traffic light next to me on a two-lane street which is about to go down to one lane, and insist on drag-racing with me to see who can be in front of who in the end.

I'd beat you if I actually chose to participate in your childish little game: I have a six cylinder. You don't.

2. You poke me over... and over... and OVER again when trying to get my attention.

It's not helping your case whatsoever that you are annoying the crap out of me when trying to talk to me. I have a personal bubble, and you are totally in it. Get out.

3. You won't let me in when I'm trying to change lanes.

No. Really. I've had my blinker on and have been hovering in front of you for five miles. Do you think you could help a sister out?

4. You insist on touching me even though I've made it pretty clear that I don't want you to.

*Disclaimer: I am a very touchy-feely type of person, don't get me wrong. I love to hug and be close to the ones I love. But everyone needs a little space once in awhile, including me: and there are one or two people in my life who INSIST on glomming all over me every chance they get.* Really: you don't need to touch me every.second.of.the.day: I'm pretty sure you'll survive without touching my arm, kissing my cheek, or squeezing the God-breathed life out of me whenever I'm within a five mile radius of you. The more you do it, the less I want to be around you. Isn't there a happy medium?

5. You decided to become a city bus driver.

It's really not personal. However, I can't very well get mad at the BUS, can I? It's a piece of machinery without a soul! So when I get totally irritated because your bus is weaving in and out of traffic at 7:55 in the morning and I'm less than 5 minutes from work, but because I can't seem to get around you before you're pulling away from the bus stop again and merging into traffic - AGAIN - and then you drive 5 miles per hour until you get to the next stop, and then the light turns red... and now I'm late for work... well... let's just say, my frustration has to go somewhere, and that somewhere generally is - YOU, the poor bus driver-man (or lady) who likely never intended to become the target of everyone's road rage, but on account of the fact that you drive a slow TANK, you have no choice. So uh, yeah. Sorry about that.

6. You tell me that "I can't" or "I shouldn't" just to be disagreeable.

I don't have any smart-aleck commentary for you about this one. I just don't like it. So don't do it.

I have a few other pet peeves that have been discussed in previous posts of mine: so if you're so inclined, feel free to go ahead and read about how guys and the friends who like to throw them at me tick me off, as well as how the little nuances of dating can tend to make me slightly irritated (and frightened!). Or, you could just read about how I irritate myself by being such a klutz.

God Bless!

John 3:16

That is the name of the band I'm in that I've been talking about. I found out this weekend that our website is up, but after parousing it myself a bit, I found that it's not quite ready yet. I will be happy to post a link a little bit later on once things get rolling (plus we haven't had a chance to get into the studio yet - one of our guys is in Germany for the next two weeks, so we have to wait until he gets back), so for now, all you get is a picture of our happy, smiling faces.

John Davis, (top row, 4th from the left) is the lead vocalist and founder of the group: he just has an incredible voice, and a love for the Lord that simply radiates and blows me away each and every time I worship with him.

From left to right: Larry plays piano, Craig plays bass, Jerome is on the guitar, John, Dan plays the keys, Michael is on the drums, and then y'all know Leah and I. And no, we're not fly girls for God: we sing. lol

So there you have it: you'll have to pardon the graphics on the picture. It was taken in the lobby of my church after a performance we did for the women's ministries retreat, and no matter what background we attempted to use, it just didn't work: so I'm guessing this was thier best solution. However, there is definitely more to come - and I'll let you know when it does.

I hope you all are having a wonderful Monday (and day off for some of you), and God bless you all!

I Just Don't Care!

Apparently, at 25, I'm supposed to be actively seeking out the man who will one day be blessed enough to marry moi.

At least that's what people tell me I should be doing.

Did you know that there is some secret law out there which requires the married friends of single women to force all single, available, breathing human beings of the male variety down our throats? I didn't know that! Did you? Well, had I known, I might have formed a band of strictly single female friends in an effort to avoid the aforementioned pressure.

Excuse me! But where does it say that finding a husband must be my life's mission right now?

...Not that I would mind or anything if I did actually find one...

But that's not the point here! I have plenty of other things to focus on. I have school, work, ministry, the band, GOD: I have plenty of things going on: and if people can't see that God has plenty of opportunities to bring the right man for me into my life in His timing, just through all the things I'm involved in now, well, then, my darling friends need to re-evaluate how much they trust God to take care of the everyday things of our lives. God will make things happen for me when the time is right. In the meantime...


I. Don't. Care.


Now, this just tickles me pink. Because I really, really, really don't care whatsoever if I'm dating anyone - if there is a single man in my life to keep me entertained. (This, my friends, is a complete enigma to me, because I'm usually in the complete opposite state of mind. "Boys, boys, boys!") I'm finding that I'm a rather entertaining person all on my own. I don't need a guy to whisper sweet nothings in my ear to keep me on my toes and excited about life. God's doing enough of that on His own; way more than any man ever could.


Besides, men are just frustrating creatures anyway. Now, I'm certainly NOT coming down on guys here, especially my blog-boys (blog-men? haha), because you all are just awesome. That's not what I'm trying to do. It's the guys that are in my three-dimentional life that make me want to convert and become a nun sometimes.

I mean honestly: what is the deal with these guys? They play some serious GAMES. Christian boys! Playing games! ARGH!!! There's this one who shall remain completely nameless who is pretty evidently kind of interested. I don't think he's "clamoring to get at me interested", but we did "click" when we first met, and we get along really well. He leaves cute, nervous messages on my phone - when he actually DOES call. But he waits the standard three days to return my calls (if he even does call back), and makes it nearly impossible to get to know him beyond what he "allows". And honestly, I'm not really even trying to date the guy! I'm really just trying to establish a friendship, but he even makes that hard!

So, I've given up.

I've given up all all things "dating related": not because of mystery-boy, but because the culmination of all my experiences with men recently (and not so recently) has brought me to a place where, if I'm not knocked off my feet: it's not worth it. Sure, the attention from guys who are interested, but not marriage material is nice, but unless I feel like it's a God-appointed meeting, I. DON'T. CARE. I don't think I can stress that enough. Sure, I'll be your friend. I'd love to hang out. But here are the requirements:

1. If you don't like me "like that", don't make me think you do just because you're lonely and craving attention, or are on some "relational power trip". I'll figure you out and drop you like a hot potato. No games, or you're done.

2. If you do like, me: NO. GAMES. Be straight forward with me and tell me so. We can take it from there.

3. If you do like me and you're not a Christian, please don't play the "I'll go to church with you if you'll date me" card. Duh! I can see right through that! Yes, you can come to church with me. No, I won't date you. I'd still love to be your friend, but stop it with the pressure! You know what I'm looking for, and you're.not.it.

4. Oh and as a continuation from number two: if you are ARE interested... PURSUE ME. No really! It's easy! You just pick up the phone and call! Oh! And if you ask me to do something like, go to a movie, or to go see a musical or a concert... if I'm interested, I WILL say yes. It's that simple.

Really guys, it's not that hard. These are simple rules that all men should abide by when they're dealing with any Christian woman. And if you follow these rules, it makes it really easy for both parties, because then no one is playing the guessing game: "Does he like me? Does he NOT like me? But he's really nice and..." you get my drift? Guys, save yourselves the hassle: be straight forward.

And friends: leave us single gals alone. We're not doing any damage to anyone or anything by not getting married right now: we're not putting holes in the ozone layer, destroying rainforests, or striking people dead by being alone. We're actually kind of enjoying the freedom that comes with not having a family to take care of: and when God is good and ready, he will bring the right men in our lives who will happily and fervently pursue us with all that they have in them, because they'll know that one more day without us would be agony.

But until that day comes, I'm happy and content right where I am: In the land of....

I DON'T CARE.

It's So Good To Be Home

Did you ever get to a place where deep down in your spirit, you've felt like you've come home? Or maybe that you've found home?

I had a boyfriend once tell me that I "felt like home to him". I really never quite understood what that meant until recently. It's a contented feeling. I feeling of peace, tranquility, joy, hope, and a connectedness with someone. In boyfriend's case, that someone was me.

In my case, that someone is Jesus Christ.

I know I've been "home" before: when I first started my journey with Him.

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me" (Psalm 51:12).

There's nothing, and I mean NOTHING like the joy of salvation. I was just giddy when I first became born again. It was like... walking on air. It actually was more like falling in love for the very first time. But better. So who wouldn't like God to restore unto him the sheer joy of his salvation?

So when He does draw you back to a place with Him, where it is almost as if you're walking through the door of your home that you haven't visited in ages, it's as if Jesus sits there in waiting to embrace you: YOU who has been off trapsing around in "Selfishville". It's almost magical. To know that no matter how far you stray, no matter how many problems you tried to face and tackle on your own without His help, that He still waits to embrace you, is such a powerful feeling. No matter where we go or what we do without Him, He still waits for us to crawl into His lap like a small child so He can calm our fears, wipe away our tears, and hold us tight to protect us from all the bullies of this world.

I'm definitely home for a visit. And God and I: well, we have quite a bit of catching up to do. I'd like to say that I'm here to stay, but I know I'll be making mistakes along the way. I'll run right out that door and try to take on my own Goliath without asking my Father for help, or I'll decide to go for a joy ride without asking Him to drive. I'm definitely not perfect, so I'll likely stray from my home again. But because I know how amazing it is to peacefully reside within the four walls of my home (my faith), and in the presence of my Father, I'm going to pray I don't stray too far.

Because there is absolutely nothing in this world that compares to being Home.

**********************************************

If you've been to Katie's site, then you have already seen this, and if you read the comments section of this post, you'll see it again. But I thought this would be just a wonderful way to end this post, so I'm going to share with you the lyrics to "Prodigal Son" by Shane Barnard that Katie shared with me.

"Prodigal Son"

what have i done to get me here?
unraveled and undone, i need my father
what have i done? i've followed my feet to nowhere
now i'm here! as i ran, i can run no more
prodigal me

the mountains to the west, i know they laugh at me
they know i'm scared to cross and leave this life i lead
oh my pride! i give you up a barter for my freedom
what will they think as i come stumbling down to join their lives?
i need to cross this mountain and find my way home
i seek no greater fortune, rescue me
oh unmerciful divide be merciful tonight
show me the other side
prodigal me

the mountains to the east, they've swallowed my beloved
this house completely incomplete, where is my mortar?
where did he go? he followed his feet to nowhere
please come home! you've done me no wrong

each evening i look down that road
i hope and i wait for you
and my servants they look down that road
we watch and we pray for youm
aster, master, who's that man stumbling down that road?
could it be the one? could it be? could it be?
master, master, it's Your son
coming home to join our lives!

i'm looking down this mountain, i see my way home
there is no greater fortune, i believe!
oh unmerciful divide you laugh at me no more
oh i've reached the other side!prodigal me
could i be the one? could i be? could i be?
Father, Father, we're Your sons
coming home to join Your life

we've finally crossed this mountain, and found our way home
there is no greater fortune than Jesus
oh how merciful is our God who gave His only Son!
oh we worship You tonight!

These Chains

My mind has been racing at about four million miles a minute for the past four or five months now, and is just finally finding it's resting place in Christ. Out of this muck and miry clay comes forth a flood of emotion and hurt, heartache, and yet a joyful celebration because God is SO faithful. This "flood" makes me realize how thankful I really am that God is so willing to sit back and wait for me rather than just harden my heart and give up on me.

I know this random onset of my heart on paper has been rather sudden, but I have just been led to write, and write, and write to get it all out. What's great about it is that I'm finally revisiting one of my greatest loves from long ago: writing. It is so cleansing and freeing to get everything that's in my heart and mind on paper like this; even if I just put my pen to the paper, clear my mind and let go. It's amazing what comes from moments like that. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Have a blessed day everyone!

**********************************************

"These Chains"

My mind is wrestling with the thought
Of what my life should have brought forth
I've seen great trials in my young days
Can't seem to pick up all the pieces from the floor.
Eight thousand days since I've seen a ray of hope
A million thoughts race through my mind
Can't get it all together into one neat little package
No matter how hard I seem to try...

You are the answer to all my hopes and dreams
You carry the key to my life
If only I could just let go of the wheel
You could kick it into drive
Place your soothing hand on my restless soul
Take away my worries so I can just let go
Free my spirit, cast aside these chains
So I can finally let go and give You the reigns.

I remember the day like it was yesterday
When You finally felt the welcome in
You took my heart and You changed me
You gave me joy and cast away my sin.
It's been too long since I've felt that way
Where did all that peace and joy go
Everything scares me when I dig deep down
Something is blocking Your Spirit's flow.

You are the answer to all my hopes and dreams
You carry the key to my life
If only I could just let go of the wheel
You could kick it into drive
Place your soothing hand on my restless soul
Take away my worries so I can just let go
Free my spirit, cast aside these chains
So I can finally let go and give You the reigns.

When I hear that familiar sound
Of You whispering to my soul
I stop, I listen, and I rejoice
I know You've come to make me whole
Reach deep into my spirit
Make all things new once more
Your work is never done oh Lord
Lead me, guide me, once again through that door.
Rejoice with me, my God
That one more time you came to rescue me
The angels will dance, and I will sing
We'll lift Your name and give You glory.

You are the answer to all my hopes and dreams
You carry the key to my life
If only I could just let go of the wheel
You could kick it into drive
Place your soothing hand on my restless soul
Take away my worries so I can just let go...

I Can't Hear Yooooooooooou!

Do you know what frustrates me?

When I can't hear God.

Do you know how often I'm frustrated?



All the time!



I truly believe that God speaks to us in a variety of different ways. However, I am not wholely and completely convinced that this is totally God's doing. I believe that if I were a little (okay, a LOT) more in touch with God, that I would hear His voice loud and clear. If I were like my pastor, or a myriad of other church leaders and elders, I would be so in sync with God that I could hear Him speak to me so crystal clear that I'd know for SURE what He wanted of me at any given moment! He make sure I knew where He'd want me to go to school, He'd tell me what He wanted me to major in: He'd even shout at me what scriptures to look up when I need a Word of encouragement. He'd tell me exactly where my money should be going. He'd direct me to give to this missionary or to that ministry and exactly how much; and I would be just so full of faith that I would do it without hesitation! God would just direct my life and it would flow like a gentle breeze throughout the years being ever so gently lead by God's direction day in and day out.

Okay. Wow. That paragraph got more and more cynical as it went on. Let me explain.

I truly believe that God does speak to these people sometimes. And I really believe that if I were more in touch with Him, He would be clear; almost specific at times what He wanted of me: when, where, and how.

It just seems to me that some people are hearing from God all the time! "I prayed about which car to buy, and God answered." "God told me to give ten thousand dollars to this ministry - even though I couldn't afford it, but I did it in faith anyway." "I couldn't decide which school to go to and God told me specifically which one AND told me the telephone number!"



WHAT?!?!



I believe God. I believe Him now more than ever, actually. I believe in our Father, Jehova Jireh. He does provide, and He WILL answer our prayers! He IS the great "I AM". But how clearly does He really speak to us? Are some of these people out there who claim to hear God all the time just full of hot air? And if He really is telling people to do this and do that, then how are they hearing him? I mean, if God said in a big, booming voice, "Stephanie! Give your next three paychecks to Bill S. in Honduras so he can make repairs on his home!" You bet I'd be sending Bill S. my next three paychecks! But if God speaks to people in that "still small voice" of His, well then, couldn't we confuse what He's trying to say? In the instance that I mentioned above where God told someone to give ten thousand dollars to a ministry, well... if He wasn't shouting at this poor man, couldn't this guy have confused what God was trying to tell him? What if God only meant for the guy to give ten dollars to this ministry?!

God has spoken to me in very obvious ways a couple of times, but it hasn't been in an audible voice. For example, there was a time about a year and a half ago, in which I was struggling with someone in our church being in a position of leadership when he really had no business being so. He was arrogant, pushy, controlling, easily angered, and downright rude to people, making it difficult to sit back and actually want to be taught by this guy. There always seemed to be an alterior motive behind his actions. So, I began to pray about it one night asking God if He thought I was just being irrational or if I was validated in what I felt. After awhile I decided to open up my Bible and found myself in Titus (where I had yet to venture to). It was there, I found my answer. In chapter 1 entitled, "Leadership in the church", I read verses 7-9:

"Since an overseer is entrusted with God's work, he must be blameless - not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkeness, not violent, not pursuing deshonest gain. Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has bee taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it."

I know that God was all over that prayer, and He answered in a very real way.

"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you (John 15:7).

There was another time when I asked God a question, and I felt like an answer was placed in my mind: as if it wasn't my own thought. It was rather strange. But I believe that was God too. However, I just can't get past how clearly and often some people hear from God. It's like they have His telephone number and can just call Him up and be like, "Hey God. It's me again. I don't mean to bother you, I know you're really busy, but I have a doozey of a problem that I need your help with. Think you could take care of this for me? Yeah? Okay great! Thanks!"



Can I have that number?



I asked this question a few posts ago, but really didn't get much in the way of a response (with the exception of one or two people - thanks guys!), so I thought I'd give it another shot.



How do YOU hear God? Or, if you don't hear God personally, then what have others that you know said about how they hear God? Do you have any scripture that might help me or any others who are struggling in this area find an easier way to communicate with God? I'm really digging here people: so I truly need your help. I'm pleading with you all to really put on your thinking caps here and dig deep into the recesses of your mind to bring forth any related experiences that you may have in this area, scriptures, teachings... whatever you have, I'll take it. I am a woman on a mission, so I am hoping you will help me in my endeavor to know more of God, and to help others know more of Him as well.



I hope you're all having a blessed day!

You Know It's Really Bad When...

Work has you so busy that you don't have time to blog.

*GASP!!!*

The horror!

The nerve of those boss-people expecting you to work!

It's a travesty I say! Travesty!


.... Yeah. I'm busy. So if you were expecting some sort of thought-provoking, dig-down-deep type of post today... I'm sorry. They want me to work today. But rest assured I will provide you with a hearty dose of my musings soon enough. I just need to get through this day first.

HAPPY MONDAY EVERYONE!!!

Update!

I don't even know how long it's been since I last talked about anything pertaining to my day to day life. I've taken you down memory lane, I've written you poems, I've talked about spiritual matters, but when was the last time I just babbled on about what's new in my life?

Yeah... I don't know either.

Okay, well, I'll start off with music stuff I guess. The band still sits in waiting. We're silently hanging out until the website gets up and running, and then I think once that's all set up, we'll get our butts moving and get out there to do some ministry gigs. We still have to get in the studio to record some solo stuff for each individual musician / singer, because the idea is, you can go onto the website, and in the bio section, click on a photo of each individual, and you will be able to hear them play or sing: should be pretty cool. I can't wait until it's done.

I'm going to be a wedding singer! Just what I've always dreamed of! hahaha Well, I've actually always thought that it would be cool to sing for money, whether or not I would ever really be considered a "professional" (although that would be way better hehe). So I've hooked up with the keyboardist from the band, and he and I are going to officially be "THE wedding duo". We were just out last night shopping for wedding music: getting this all together is so fun and exciting! (Seriously, it is!) So the plan is this: we're going to record a demo and create a marketing packet complete with a songlist, photo, cd, and business cards, which will then get handed out to as many churches and Mary Kay (Avon, L'Bri, etc...) ladies as we can find, so we can hopefully get some business for the 2006 wedding season. So while it will be a little expensive initially, the return of investment will be SO worth it, because from what I hear: singing for weddings is EASY money. So once I get my demo done (which should be in a week or two) I'll make sure to post a song so you can finally hear what I sound like.

*Disclaimer: I would just like to say that the songs on the demo will defnitely not be my preferred style of music. I'm a jazz/blues/R&B/gospel singer. Just keep that in mind when you listen to the demo.*

School's going to be starting up again soon, and I'm not quite sure I can take all the classes that I wanted to (we can't recieve financial aid quite yet like a normal university because we're so small), but even just a class or two would be good, because the main reason I'm going to Bible college anyway is for the edification - not quite sure yet if I want to be a pastor or not. Which leads me to my next point. I'm seriously thinking about going back to finish my bachelor's at a four-year. I really think I'm narrowing it down in terms of what I want to major in: I'm not going to share quite yet because I need to pray about it some more just to be sure. But I have the ball rolling in a certain area and I think I might roll with it so long as God doesn't squash the idea.

I really thought awhile ago that God was leading me to be a nurse. I mean, there were some very OBVIOUS clues which made me think that God was kind of shoving me in that particular direction (ie: six different people telling that I'd make a great nurse, as well as my step-mother randomly writing me an email (in response to one I sent to her about school) that said, "Yes Stephanie, you should go back to school and finish your bachelor's: You can get a degree in nursing and then go be a missionary!" (I never told her I was thinking about becomming a nurse. It was really odd.) But then... over the past year or so, I just haven't been able to deny the overwhelming draw to a different interest of mine, not to mention, the mere fact that the idea of death creeps me out, AND blood tends to make me really anxious and nauseous... yeah. I don't know that I would make a good nurse.

What do you all think? Does that sound like God was telling me to be a nurse? Or is it possible that I was reading into it? How do YOU hear God? (Just had to get a little reader participation in there for good measure.)

On a completely unrelated note, I have a weekend jam-packed with fun stuff ahead. My Hawaiian homegirl is back home for a visit and is flying in tonight from Poland (her sister is studying abroad there, so she decided to spend the holidays with her - what a life, hey?), and we're going to likely get together at some point this weekend and do some serious catching up (can't wait can't wait!!!). I have M. & J.'s baby shower tomorrow morning, then a voice lesson, a visit with the grandparent's, and then service at my mom's new church. Sunday night I'm singing on worship team, and I'm sure there will be lots of other fun things to stuff in between there. hahaha

Well, I'm off to get some work done.

Have a blessed weekend everyone!

Now THIS Girl Can WRITE!

Why
Lyrics by: Bethany Dillon

This house is echoing
With the sound of You knocking at the door
But with three locks and the shades down
You are easy to ignore.

I put You on like an old pair of shoes
I've put You off, but now I need You.

Why, this love that never leaves me
Why are You holding me tonight
Can't deny this love that is given me
Why, this love will never leave

You're a good strategy when I need one
An angle when there is none
Like a doormat
That always says welcome
No matter how much dirt I rub on.

But when I am tired and run through
Look over this hill, I'm running to You.

Why, this love that never leaves me
Why are You holding me tonight
Can't deny this love that is given me
Why, this love will never leave.

Because I Promised a Long, LONG Time Ago...

So I remember telling you all (a few times) that I would post pictures of that fateful day back in the summer of 2004 when my surfboard decided to eat my face. That's right people: to start off the new year right, I bring you...

Surfing Debacle of 2004!

Starring: Me! And the waves that helped my board bite my face...



















I'm going to break you all in gradually, so for starters, you get to take a gander at this artistic rendition of Mount... something or other: can't quite remember the name offhand. But what I do know is this: it's 1600 feet tall... and I hiked it. I sure did! I made it all the way to the top without dying (remember: I was 40 pounds heavier at that point. Quite a success story people!) That was my first real feat of the vacation (well, that and coming face to face with a three inch long roach in Las Vegas, but that's a story for another time...) Moving ON!




















This is a view from the backside of the foothill that the house we were staying in (J.'s house) resided on. We were staying in La Mesa (if my memory serves me correctly), so this was the view if we took a 3 block walk around the "mountain" from J.'s house.



















This is me totally not ecstatic at all that I was on the beach at 6 in the morning: even though it would be my first time ever surfing. I'll have you know that Day 1 of surfing was a complete success... it was Day 2 that made this trip so darned memorable...

That's right!!! My surboard tried to bite my face off: to no avail of course: just gouged me really well and drew some blood. Nothing that this girl can't handle! In all seriousness though, I totally don't blame myself in this scenario, only because I was not properly trained in the art of the "tuck and roll". In the event that a wave (much bigger than you) decides to break right on top of your head, a tip friends: if that ever happens... don't THROW your board in the other direction hoping for a miracle! The wave WILL pick it up and shoot it roughly 122 miles per hour back at your head. Trust me. I've been there. Do yourself a favor. Jump on the board and hang on for dear life. That way, you won't do any sort of permanant damage to yourself or others. Hopefully.

So there were some nice drunken burnt-out surfer dudes (average age: 45) who happened to have a cooler full of beer and these handy-dandy freezy thingies on the beach at 7:30 in the morning, who were more than obliged to help a broken sister out in her time of need. This did just fine until a nice and handsome lifeguard came and whisked me away in his white pick-up truck (yes, it was just like Baywatch but with more clothes) to the first aid station where he proceeded to examine my eye and replace the handy-dandy freezy thingy with a more suitable ice pack.
























And this is me: proudly displaying my shiner, cuts, scrapes, and anti-bacterial ointment for all the world to see - in the San Diego airport. This will likely be the one.And.ONLY. time you will ever see me without makeup. Only because I am THAT proud of that shiner! But otherwise, yes, I am THAT high maintenance.

Well, I was going to post some more pics, but Blogger is insisting on making life difficult this evening, so I must leave you hanging for the dramatic conclusion of...

Surfing Debacle of 2004!!!

...Coming soon to a blog near you!